u/Delicious_Apple_176

I’ve been single for over a year now, and it never really bothered me until recently. I think it’s prom that really got me thinking about it though.

EVERYONE had a date except for me. I had to convince my sister to come with me so I wouldn’t be alone. It was so bad, she didn’t want to be there in general.

With the school I go to, no one is worthy of crushing on too. All my friends’ partners go to different schools, except for one couple who I’m around all the time so I get to see them make out 24/7. (That’s an exaggeration, they’re just always holding hands)

But at 17 I just can’t find anyone even remotely attractive, let alone consider dating them. AND NOW my friends’ relationships have progressed to the point where they’re telling me about their awesome sex livessssss.

I’m just so jealous though. And I feel bad because those are my friends, I don’t wanna be jealous of them because I love and adore them so much. But it doesn’t help that one of them made a joke about me missing out with how I refuse to date. Guys are my standards too high or something. I just want a fat boy 😭

But also I’m just not conventionally attractive like all my friends and GOD it bothers me so that might just be the problem

Marked nsfw because there’s talk about sex work.

I’m 17, my sister is 16. We also don’t have a mom to talk to about this stuff.

We work together at a tea shop, and last week she mentioned to me during our shift that she wants to be a “midnight ballerina”. I gave her a look and said “what’s that?” because we’re both into theater, she goes to a school where she takes multiple theater and dance classes, so I thought maybe it was a special type of performance or something.

She tells me she means a stripper. When she gets to college, she’s going to be a stripper and plan all her classes to be in the afternoon so she can be well rested and still “make that bank”.

I asked her how she’s gonna cover her face while pole dancing, because that sounds difficult and she was very confused. I explained how if her college heard about her being a stripper they wouldn’t like that. She goes “oh they won’t find out.”

I was annoyed. She does this sometimes where she tries to pretend she’s unaware of how serious some things are, and it’s casual and normal. This has happened in dangerous situations, when men have genuinely tried to kidnap her, and she tells me about it a few days later like it’s nothing.

It got so bad I had to tell our dad, who lectured her on reporting these things and treating them seriously.

But I told her to drop the topic at our work since we had customers.

Now it’s today, we’re working and she goes “Oh yeah, I still wanna be a midnight ballerina” and I was annoyed. I thought she was gonna drop this after my lecture on college not liking it.

I tell her that it’s insanely dangerous too, and that most clubs require their dancers to be 21+ because of how dangerous it is. Because she planned to start RIGHT AWAY at 18.

She told me she did research about where to work and everything. I asked her where she did her research and she said TikTok. I’m so fucking annoyed.

I was groomed when I was younger for money, and would get paid to do sex work of sorts and she knows this and she knows my stance on these things too but she’s still trying to dismiss it as a normal and safe job. I mean it’s normal, I support the workers and not the work.

She proceeds to say it’d also be fun to have on her resume if she ever gets on Broadway (which is a big goal of hers). I told her to stop talking about this type of shit and she just switched to talking about a Roblox game she wants to play together later.

I could tell she was a bit upset and hurt hearing me snap at her but I was just so frustrated. Am I in the wrong? How do I address this in the future?

Edit: I know I don’t have a say, but she keeps talking about it. She’s been on apps like Wizz and all that but deleted them because didn’t like the amount of lustful men there. She’s bringing it up and I don’t know what she wants me to say.

There’s just something fundamentally wrong with me. And it’s not my fault, my mom smoked specific things and drank quite often while pregnant with me, but it still haunts me how I’m not normal at all.

I’m away from my mother now, but my siblings aren’t, so I still see her occasionally whenever my younger brother invites me over for dinner or something. She never treated my brothers the way she treated me too. I don’t ever interact with my brothers aside from the youngest, so it’s better than it used to be but man.

I’m a masochist in every way. I seek out ways to get hurt, emotionally and physically. It’s difficult trying to pretend that all my accidents are actually accidents, especially when my dad presses me to give more details on the random marks that appear on my body.

I’ve found that a better outlet is letting someone else do it for me, but I’m only 17, no partner of any kind that I’ve met has been mature enough for it. They’ve all pushed it to be something they favored more, something different that I told them I didn’t like.

No one’s even good enough to generally like romantically, no matter how hard I look, I can’t even find a crush.

It’s just bad. I don’t talk the way other people do, my brain doesn’t always process words whether they’re audible or written down, which my therapist says has to do with ptsd and my mind never being present but that just worsens it.

It’s like the only way I’ll ever be normal is if all my problems are dimmed by pills, and then I’m just less aware of what’s happening around me. It’s so bad I hate it.

There’s just something fundamentally wrong with me. And it’s not my fault, my mom smoked specific things and drank quite often while pregnant with me, but it still haunts me how I’m not normal at all.

I’m away from my mother now, but my siblings aren’t, so I still see her occasionally whenever my younger brother invites me over for dinner or something. She never treated my brothers the way she treated me too. I don’t ever interact with my brothers aside from the youngest, so it’s better than it used to be but man.

I’m a masochist in every way. I seek out ways to get hurt, emotionally and physically. It’s difficult trying to pretend that all my accidents are actually accidents, especially when my dad presses me to give more details on the random marks that appear on my body.

I’ve found that a better outlet is letting someone else do it for me, but I’m only 17, no partner of any kind that I’ve met has been mature enough for it. They’ve all pushed it to be something they favored more, something different that I told them I didn’t like.

No one’s even good enough to generally like romantically, no matter how hard I look, I can’t even find a crush.

It’s just bad. I don’t talk the way other people do, my brain doesn’t always process words whether they’re audible or written down, which my therapist says has to do with ptsd and my mind never being present but that just worsens it.

It’s like the only way I’ll ever be normal is if all my problems are dimmed by pills, and then I’m just less aware of what’s happening around me. It’s so bad I hate it.