u/DelightfulManiac

Hello everyone,

First of all, sorry for the long post, I just had to get it all off my chest somewhere. I understand it if it's too long to read for many of you.

I'm completely new here. I am so tired of my situation that I am just looking for any way out, so I figured I'd look up "Money" on Reddit, join this sub, put my story out there, and maybe somebody has some golden advice for me. I've got nothing to lose, so here goes nothing.

I'm currently 30 years old. I'm from the Netherlands. After high school / secondary education, I still had no clue what I wanted to do with my life, so I took some time off to travel, in the hopes of finding out what I wanted to do in life. I did not want to take out a massive loan from the government to finance a bachelor's degree if I wasn't sure that I'd obtain it.

Unfortunately, after years of traveling and working random jobs in different countries, I'm now 12 years older, and haven't moved an inch forward in my financial situation since I was 18.

Over the years, I've dealt with gambling addiction, drug addictions, alcohol addiction, etc. Since I was about 25, I've managed to turn all of that around, and I am now over 4 years clean from all drugs and alcohol, and I've been working extremely hard on my health since about 1.5 year.

I've constantly been struggling financially all my life, and can't even count how many times I've been *completely* broke to the point of not even being able to buy food anymore. I'd literally have to choose between putting my last $5 towards gas or a meal for the day.

Last year, I got married to my beautiful wife from Mexico whom I met during my travels. This also cost us a lot of money. Our situation sucks now, because even though we just got married, we can't even be together due to my financial circumstances. She is currently working in Canada because she has bills to pay and she doesn't have a permanent residency here in The Netherlands. I've been forced to move back in with my parents here in The Netherlands because I literally couldn't survive anymore in the situation I was in and the bills that were stacking up.

Moving in with my parents definitely saved me, and I know that I'm blessed to even have that option, but obviously, it's not where I want to be. I do not have a house, a vehicle, a job, any assets apart from about 1000 euros in my bank account. I managed to get a job as a window washer here after applying to like 50+ different jobs, but that turned out to be an extremely toxic environment, and they didn't extend my contract after 6 months anyway due to "a lack of work" for me.

Now, I've been unemployed again since March, constantly applying to any job i can apply to with my profile, but it just seems freaking impossible to get a job here. Every single position I can apply to has 100+ candidates applying, and they always give me a generic answer that they've decided to move ahead with other, more suitable candidates.

Even if I do get a job here, it's just a minimum wage job, because any high paying job requires a degree of some sort, which I don't have. I also don't have the money to study, even if I wanted to.

I know it probably comes across as just a bunch of excuses, but I'm so lost at this point. I just don't see a path to financial success. I wish I had some glorious business idea or had an innovative mind and knew what to do and could just do it.

I've been going to the gym extremely consistently now and have made great progress. Working on my physical health is very straightforward. All I have to do is just show up every day and be consistent and stick to what I know is good for me. I wish financial health worked the same way, but I just have absolutely no idea what to do.

If I knew what to do and that I just had to do it consistently, I'd do it. But I feel so trapped, like the only thing I can do is keep applying for shitty jobs in the hopes of making minimum wage. Which is better than nothing, but realistically doesn't get me anywhere either.

This whole situation is starting to take a toll on my mental health now, because I feel like a failure for not being able to provide for my wife and enjoy our life together, and living with my parents at 30 years old on the other side of the planet from her, still broke as hell despite having fixed all my health issues and struggles with addiction.

Our future together seems to be falling apart before it has even started. She can only migrate to the Netherlands if I have a minimum 12-month job contract. We don't even know if we want to live and settle here. She has responsibilities in Mexico, but I'm not a permanent resident there either and my Spanish isn't amazing. She is now considering working in the US next because she says she has no options since I don't have a job and she can't move here.

I can't believe how much money (or rather the lack thereof) is controlling my life right now. I've been so stressed about all of this, but now I've come to a point where I've pretty much just surrendered to it all because stressing is not helping me get anywhere either.

I've spent years looking into alternative ways to make money, starting online businesses, dropshipping, flipping, etc. but never figured out how to actually do it. My mind has just gone completely blank now, I think I'm just overwhelmed with stress and I'm so tired of it all.

Any tips or advice is greatly appreciated. I am willing to try anything at this point.

Let's say you're an intermediate lifter who has been bulking for a little while and has gained some unwanted fat in the process. Now you want to lose 25lbs of fat.

If your goal is to continue building more muscle (or at the very least maintain what you have), after 6 months, which of the following two options would yield the best results, and why?

Option 1: Very aggressive cut, losing 25lbs of fat in 3 months, then going on a lean bulk for 3 months.

Option 2: Much milder cut (half the caloric deficit of option 1), losing 25lbs of fat in 6 months.

You will lose the same amount of fat in both options, but which of the two would allow you to grow the most amount of muscle in that time?

I understand that option 1 would most likely cause you to lose some muscle in those 3 months, but then you'd be back on a bulk quicker. Option 2 would allow you to probably at least maintain the muscle you have and possibly build a little bit more. Which one would come out ahead after 6 months?

It wasn't anything serious. It was a rest day but I decided to go to the gym just to do some ab/oblique work and cardio.

I was on the ab crunch machine. There are two of them in close vicinity of eachother and it was extremely calm at the gym, but by pure chance, they were both occupied.

I was just about to do my third and final set, when a 50-something year old woman comes up demanding my attention, so I take off my headphones to hear what she wants to ask, and she says: "ARE YOU GOING TO DO YOUR WORKOUT OR JUST SIT THERE ON YOUR PHONE?!", so I tell her: "I was just resting", and she replies: "YEAH WELL YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN ON THIS MACHINE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES!". So then I told her "Well, there is another one right there" (I couldn't see if anyone was on it) and then she said "Yeah but someone is using that one too!".

I'm not a very extraverted person, so at this point, I didn't really know what to say, so I just sat there looking at her as she was waiting for me to respond or something. Then she called me a jerk and walked off. I started my set 2 seconds later and was off the machine in 15 seconds.

I mean... I guess I was taking my time in between sets and probably rested a bit longer than I needed to, but I wasn't in any rush at all and had no idea that someone else was waiting to use the machine.

AITA or was this just a gym Karen?

Ik zag ooit zo een meme, volgens mij was het een 101Barz sessie waarbij de editor de muziek weg had gehaald en had vervangen door een stom kinderliedje zoals een Dora The Explorer beat, Call Me Maybe, SpongeBob of K3 ofzo. Ik heb geen idee meer wie de rappers waren en welke muziek eronder was gezet, maar het klonk zo grappig hoe ze helemaal als gangsters rappen op zo'n kinderliedje.

Volgens mij was de laatste die ik zag Nederlands, maar zijn er ook versies van Amerikaanse rappers op dit soort liedjes, maar ik kan helemaal geen van die filmpjes meer terugvinden. Weet iemand toevallig wat ik bedoel en zou je me een link kunnen sturen naar zo een meme?

I have mild Asperger's syndrome and have been battling with social anxiety all my life. I have been through alcohol addiction in the past and am now over 4 years clean. I am extremely focused on my health and I'm not taking any recreational drugs or any prescription drugs.

Many years ago, when I still experimented with drugs recreationally, I have taken Xanax multiple times. I never got addicted because I have always been very aware of the risks and didn't want that smoke. However, Xanax for me was like a literal miracle drug. It is the only thing I have ever taken that just completely wiped all my social anxiety from existence and made me feel so happy, relaxed and sociable. It also didn't make me feel tired, sluggish or drowsy, just pure happiness and a strong sociable feeling, like I finally became a normal person.

It seems like there is nothing natural / non-addictive / OTC that even comes close to what Xanax does to me. I've tried L-Theanine, I've tried Phenibut (horrible crap), I've tried Ginseng. Also, I already take Ashwagandha and although I believe it does take the edge off general stress levels during stressful personal situations, it has absolutely no effect on my social anxiety at all.

I've read that propranolol could help, but that isn't OTC. Another option I've heard of is Kava, but the anecdotal data suggests there might be more negative than positive experiences with it, or that it hardly does anything at all for a lot of people. Then there is Kratom, but that's addictive and dangerous. So let's get this settled once and for all:

Is there ANYTHING that I can buy OTC that even comes mildly close to Xanax when it comes to social anxiety? My social anxiety appears to randomly be getting worse and it is debilitating because I am currently unemployed and getting refused everywhere after interviews because I come across as "too soft spoken", "not enthusiastic enough", "thinking too long before answering" or just looking sketchy in general because I am hyperfocused on eye-contact, how many times I look away and in which direction, what my hands are doing, what my feet are doing, my facial expressions and my interviewers body language. This causes me to resort to a kind of pokerface to hide the anxiety, which then comes across to them as me being uninterested. Also, I can't even look anybody in the eye for more than like 2 seconds without looking away, not even my own partner, family or friends. It's horrible. I mean, I can do it when I have no choice, like during an interview, but it just becomes extremely uncomfortable and makes me even more anxious than I already was.

I'm getting pretty desperate here but I don't think there is any supplement that can actually improve my symptoms significantly enough for it to be effective. Any ideas?

All my life (even as a little kid) I've had trouble falling asleep. Staying asleep has never been an issue, just the falling asleep part.

I've been taking doxylamine as it is the only thing that has actually worked in my life, but I want to stop using it because it's obviously very unhealthy to use long-term and I've built a tolerance for it where it doesn't make me feel tired anymore. It still "works" though, because I fall asleep on nights I have taken it, but when I haven't (like I just tried last night), it is literally impossible for my brain to switch from awake to asleep.

It's honestly scary at this point. The circumstances can be perfect, I can be completely relaxed, not worried about anything, body temperature perfect, in dead silence and darkness, on the edge of falling asleep. But then my brain just stays awake in that state forever and can not switch off. It's like the off-switch is missing completely.

I am planning to go to a store today to try something new, but I'm not sure what to try. Maybe glycine or GABA? Although when reading about it on Reddit, it seems that these are more for staying asleep rather than falling asleep. I need something that stimulates that missing off-switch in my brain. I think supplements that make you feel drowsy tend to work, because that's what doxylamine used to do to me and that worked like absolute magic back then.

Please, I really need some advice. I will also go to my doctor regarding this because it is obviously a very serious problem and taking doxylamine for the rest of my life is not an option.

All my life (even as a little kid) I've had trouble falling asleep. Staying asleep has never been an issue, just the falling asleep part.

I've been taking doxylamine as it is the only thing that has actually worked in my life, but I want to stop using it because it's obviously very unhealthy to use long-term and I've built a tolerance for it where it doesn't make me feel tired anymore. It still "works" though, because I fall asleep on nights I have taken it, but when I haven't (like I just tried last night), it is literally impossible for my brain to switch from awake to asleep.

It's honestly scary at this point. The circumstances can be perfect, I can be completely relaxed, not worried about anything, body temperature perfect, in dead silence and darkness, on the edge of falling asleep. But then my brain just stays awake in that state forever and can not switch off. It's like the off-switch is missing completely.

I am planning to go to a store today to try something new, but I'm not sure what to try. Maybe glycine or GABA? Although when reading about it on Reddit, it seems that these are more for staying asleep rather than falling asleep. I need something that stimulates that missing off-switch in my brain. I think supplements that make you feel drowsy tend to work, because that's what doxylamine used to do to me and that worked like absolute magic back then.

Please, I really need some advice. I will also go to my doctor regarding this because it is obviously a very serious problem and taking doxylamine for the rest of my life is not an option.

Edit: Aangezien deze post redelijk wat reacties opwekt bij mensen, wil ik graag even het één en ander toelichten. Ik heb syndroom van Asperger en sociale angst. Die sociale angst speelt vooral op in een setting zoals een sollicitatiegesprek, waarbij je puur op basis van je sociale presentatie wordt beoordeeld. Met werken heb ik geen moeite, ook niet als er veel sociale interactie plaatsvindt. Het enige waarbij mijn sociale angst echt zwaar begint op te spelen zijn sollicitatiegesprekken en selectiedagen. Het is zelfs zo erg dat ik tijdens zo een gesprek hyperalert ben op oogcontact, mijn houding, hoe ik mijn handen houd, hoe vaak ik weg kijk en in welke richting, wat mijn benen doen etc. Ik voel me compleet ongemakkelijk, waardoor gespreksvoerders een verkeerde indruk krijgen van hoe ik ben in het dagelijkse leven of op de werkvloer.

Ik ben echt extreem slecht in het maken van een goede eerste indruk, want hoe ik overkom op eerste gezicht is totaal niet hoe ik echt ben. Iedereen die mij persoonlijk kent zegt dat ook. Ze hadden mij op eerste gezicht compleet anders ingeschat dan hoe ik werkelijk ben. Dat komt omdat ik me pas niet meer zo nerveus en ongemakkelijk voel als ik je eenmaal goed ken en jij mij. Ik heb ook wat je een "resting bitch face" zou kunnen noemen, en mensen denken heel vaak dat ik boos, geirriteerd of ongeinteresseerd ben terwijl ik op dat moment gewoon neutraal en chill en relaxed ben. Dit alles speelt een hele grote rol in mijn ervaring die ik hieronder beschrijf. Dus als je zelf geen enkele vorm van sociale angst of autisme of een soortgelijke stoornis ervaart en sociaal prima en normaal functioneert, zal je waarschijnlijk niet echt kunnen relativeren aan deze post en zal je jezelf er ook niet in herkennen.

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Ik ben al een tijdje werkloos en hard op zoek naar een baan. Ik heb inmiddels echt al weer een belachelijk aantal sollicitatiegesprekken en selectiedagen achter de rug.

Wat me erg op begint te vallen is dat recruiters / gespreksleiders totaal geen interesse hebben in of je de juiste ervaring, skills en kwaliteiten voor de functie hebt. Het enige wat telt is dat je de beste acteur bent. Daar mee bedoel ik dat je goed bent in het opzetten van een masker, het doen alsof je super enthousiast bent en het verzinnen van allerlei redenen waarom je daar zogenaamd zo graag wil werken. Ze willen eigenlijk gewoon dat je de kont van het bedrijf maximaal likt.

Laten we eerlijk zijn: 99% van de functies krijgt niemand stijve tepels van. Misschien alleen als er een flink salaris tegenover staat. In dat geval gaat het je dus als nog alleen maar om het geld, waar je ook absoluut niet eerlijk over mag zijn in een sollicitatiegesprek. Nee, je moet er willen werken puur omdat je het werk leuk vindt om te doen, hoe geestdodend de functie ook is. Je moet het een geweldig bedrijf vinden en je moet bomvol energie raken bij de gedachte dat je daar 40 uur per week van je tijd mag doorbrengen om te kunnen overleven.

Kortom, je moet goed kunnen liegen en antwoorden kunnen bedenken waar gespreksleiders op geilen. Ook moet je vooral heel energiek en enthousiast overkomen en doen alsof het altijd al je droom is geweest om dat werk te mogen doen, zelfs als het om ongeschoold, eentonig werk gaat.

Het hele sollicitatieproces is bij de meeste functies één groot theaterspel. Ik ben er inmiddels zo klaar mee dat ik overweeg om die gesprekken nu helemaal niet meer serieus te nemen en gewoon 100% eerlijk te zijn. "Waarom wil je hier werken?" "Omdat ik geld nodig heb om te overleven". "Wat maakt je enthousiast in deze functie?" "Niks, het feit dat ik dan niet meer werkloos ben" etcetera.

Ergens hoop ik dat gespreksleiders van sollicatiegesprekken ooit wat realistischer en eerlijker worden en mensen gaan beoordelen op hun werkelijke capaciteiten, ervaring, skills en karakteristieken die er écht toe doen zoals betrouwbaarheid, loyaliteit, eerlijkheid, zelfreflectie en werkhouding in plaats van puur op hun vermogen om een sociaal masker op te zetten en leugens te bedenken. Mensen die wat introverter zijn, een beetje sociale angst hebben of gewoon zichzelf zijn maken nu namelijk nergens een schijn van kans omdat een introvert persoon meteen alle alarmbellen af laat gaan bij de gespreksleider die dan denkt "Hij/zij komt niet enthousiast of zelfverzekerd over, die willen we niet!".

Beetje een salty rant wel als ik het zo terug lees. Ik heb mijn best gedaan om mee te doen met het hele toneelstuk van solliciteren, maar ik ben niet goed in acteren en erbij proberen te horen. Nooit geweest en zal ik ook nooit zijn.

I'm not what you would call the stereotypical ego lifter whatsoever, but it has taken me one whole year to finally come to terms with the fact that I've been overdoing it all this time.

The first thing is hitting failure. Many beginners tend to not put in enough effort to see growth, whereas I was part of the other group of beginners who put in way too much effort. In the first few months I was literally going to failure on every single set. Not even just every exercise, but every single set. I got so caught up in the idea of having to get close to failure to stimulate hypertrophy, that it instantly became a habit to do so.

After some months, I was still going to failure on every exercise, but not necessarily on every set anymore. But I still got to 0 - 1 RIR on every set. This has been making it awfully difficult to keep a high frequency gym routine, because I'm simply frying my central nervous system with 2-hour sessions of going to failure on every exercise and never doing anything less than 0 - 1 RIR on any set, meaning I need more rest days to recover than others. Although I've had good results so far, this has definitely hurt my progress. Had I just increased the frequency and drastically lowered the intensity, I would have almost certainly seen more growth this past year. Not to mention the risk of injury I've been exposing myself to with this type of lifting.

Then there's progressive overload. It's another thing that gets pushed as being the single most important thing for muscle growth. For me, that led to almost a kind of obsession with it. I prioritized progressive overload over almost everything, to the point where my form would start to deteriorate and I subconsciously started recruiting other muscle groups in order to lift the weight, on top of affecting my range of motion too.

It has taken me many decreases in weight and refocusing on form on different exercises to finally accept that I've been doing too much. For reference, normally I'm using 18kg dumbells to do heavy lateral raises while recruiting lots of other muscle groups, swinging the weight and frying my CNS, but today, I switched to doing cable lateral raises at just 4.25kg. This barely affects my CNS at all, but the burn feels so much better and more concentrated.

In this same manner, I've been doing progressive overload as quickly as possible on all my lifts, and my form suffered as a result. I'm glad that I'm finally getting a grip on my ego and letting go of this obsession/habit of progressive overload and going to failure. Obviously I will continue to progressively overload, but I will do this without compromising on my form from now on.

I'm sure I can't be the only beginner who's been doing too much and going over the top. So if anyone recognizes themselves in this, please drastically lower the weight and focus purely on perfect form, full ROM, time under tension, pausing in the stretched position and fully isolating the muscle you are targeting without subconsciously recruiting other muscles. Not only will you see better progress, but it will also make your life in the gym and outside a lot easier because working out won't fry your CNS anymore.