u/DemonAzraeli

Which famous folk have you stumbled across?

• Late 90s, I was having breakfast on a terrace in Tangier, reading a book. Mid-meal, I looked up and realized that Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon were having breakfast at the next table over.
• 2013: day-drinking at a bar in Penn Quarter, Washington DC. Rumpled dude carrying the Sunday New York Times sat down next to me, started skulling vodka. We talked for about an hour, much of it about European prejudice toward the US, then I went on my way. Couple of years later, I recognized him from the news as Steve Bannon.
• 2023: Madeira, Ronaldo, too bad he sucks.

You can only spend it on housing. Where would it be?

I'm leaning strongly toward spending the winter in Las Palmas. How is it for a solo guy, 50, fluent Spanish (Mexican), into sailing and surfing and kiteboarding? The city looks like it scratches a lot of itches - is it as cozy at it looks on paper? Ideally I'd be able to rent a place with a view within walking distance of groceries and restaurants, discreetly 420, exercise and explore in the morning and write during afternoon and early evening. Is traffic friendly for scooters around the island? Salinas de Agaete look like something I'd be visiting most days. I've looked over listings on Idealista and budget looks totally feasible - how's local housing? I have visa covered, so no need to address that.

Waffle House in Mississippi, top contender.

Me gustaría ir en barco al sur, a Gran Canaria. ¿Qué tal el viaje en camarote?

Parece que se admiten mascotas. ¿Alguien tiene experiencia reciente?

Me gustaría ir en barco al sur, a Gran Canaria. ¿Qué tal el viaje en camarote?

Parece que se admiten mascotas. ¿Alguien tiene experiencia reciente?

• Bottled water brands vary in different locations, often Liquid Death is unavailable or expensive. If you're not careful, sometimes you can inadvertently buy the fizzy one. It's like they want you to fail.
• If a town lacks CrossFit, Starbucks, and coworking, anthropologists classify it as "uninhabited."
• The toilets are different from the one in Mum's basement, and usually don't have printed English instructions, so you have to literally rely on like intuition. There are rarely liveried attendants available to guide you through the ablutions. It's like they want you to fail.
• Trains occasionally leave exactly on schedule, forcing you to experience consequences for your own actions. It's like they want you to fail.
• Grocery stores stock unfamiliar products, and are often incosiderately located in areas more convenient for locals than DNs. Fortunately, there is always an r/digitalnomad thread asking where to buy vegan Greek yogurt identical to the one at Trader Joe's. Also, grocery stores often use metric measurements. If Lord Jesus had wanted us to use 'grams' and 'liters,' He would have put them in the Biblical. It's sad how oppressed Christians are around the world.
• The cashier may speak the local language instead of English. This is considered poor UX, zero stars if I could. It's like they want you to fail.
• Sometimes you'll encounter people who are not digital nomads. They are called "locals." They generally persist despite urban redevelopment efforts. Do not feed or otherwise encourage them.
• You may occasionally lose free WiFi. This is like a violation of the Geneva Convention. (Geneva, Sweden)
• A café may expect you to order something before occupying a table for eight hours. While shocking, this custom is deeply rooted in many cultures. It is your civilizing mission to enlighten these benighted cultures.
• Despite Instagram lore, no immigration officer has ever asked to see your MacBook stickers.

When I was at digital-nomad boot camp (DM for details), no one told me that people might invite me into their homes.

Is this something that matters to you? I try to get invited to at least one home every time I'm settling into a place for more than a week, which is usually. It's fun to bring gifts and see how people live.

Suggestions for how to add muscle mass with vegan protein shakes in a yurt 300 km from Ulaan Baatar. I only eat traditional and authentic foods, no GMOs or koumiss, because dairy is slavery. Also, any authentic Crossfit gyms near my yurt?

This email used to float around, back in the Paleolithic. It a rundown of the personality disorders you'd encounter on temp projects.

1. The First-timer: Fresh off the bar exam, still carrying the scent of Barbri highlighters. Shows up in a tailored suit because, technically, they're "practicing law." Asks whether this case is "high profile." Is visibly excited to review a commercial lease dispute between two regional plumbing supply companies. By lunch they've realized that "responsive" and "privileged" are not sophisticated legal concepts but the only two words they'll say for the next six weeks.

2. The Gunner: The Gunner has somehow found a way to network in a room full of 200 contract attorneys wearing headphones. Introduces himself to recruiters by first and last name every morning, asks performative questions during training that begin, "Just to clarify..." and end five minutes later, and volunteers for anything that might result in carrying a clipboard. His dream isn't partnership anymore. It's becoming QC.

3. The Striver: Convinced that coding 90 documents an hour instead of 55 will finally cause someone to notice that they were "meant for bigger things." Nobody notices. Except their coworkers, who now have a higher productivity benchmark thanks to this lunatic.

4. The Dreamer: Believes doc review is a secret recruiting pipeline. Spends lunch in the client cafeteria trying to casually strike up conversations with associates.

"So... what practice group are you in?"

The associate responds with the same warmth normally reserved for someone trying to sell them solar panels in a Costco parking lot.

The Dreamer remains optimistic.

5. The Old-Timer: "Why, in my day we reviewed documents in banker's boxes, out in a warehouse, and we didn't need any fancy computers to do it!" The Old-timer never shuts up with their stories of doc review's past. Even more annoying, they manage to have computer trouble (which is almost always user error) every single day. "My login won't work! My mouse won't work! My computer is slow!" Hated by those unlucky enough to sit near them and IT personnel everywhere.

6. The Talker: This person never shuts up. Ever. Even if everyone has headphones in, the Talker will make sure every other reviewer knows about their kids, their car, their neighbors, their opinions on everything capable of being discussed, and every other facet of their life before the project ends.

7. The Slob: This person quite possibly sleeps in their own filth, and brings that same level of hygiene with them to the project. They're constantly eating, smacking, slurping, and dropping trash all around their workspace. A true joy to sit near.

8. The Gossip: "I know everything about everyone on this project. And I'm going to make sure everyone knows." Their ability to create drama is exceeded only by their ability to make everyone hate them.

8.b. The Kapo: Reviled by all, this ugly specimen was fired from a cushy federal job for gross prosecutorial misconduct. Kapo's prime directive is to see people punished for any infraction, real or imagined. Proximity to Kapo on any project is dangerous. Has especial hatred for #24 for getting away with it.

9. The Insider: Related to the Gossip, this person acts like they know everything about every recruiter and every project in town, and are wrong more often than not. But hey, if it's importance you seek in the eyes of fellow clickers, it's a good way to go. Their greatest ability is to stir up drama with whispers of a project that pays $2 more per hour that they just heard about. The monkeys rush to their phones to email recruiters, only to be crushed by news that the project is merely "in the pipeline."

10. The Professional: Has reached contractual enlightenment. Brings lunch. Brings noise-canceling headphones. Never asks questions because they've seen every coding protocol ever invented. Knows every recruiter in the city. Doesn't complain because complaining burns calories.

Their only genuine fear is hearing the words "Unfortunately you've conflicted out."

11. The Hero: Every project has one person convinced they've personally cracked Enron.

"Guys... I think I found the smoking gun."

No, you found an email saying "Please see attached." Outside counsel has already seen it. Twice. During first-level review. In 2008.

12. The Questioner: This person is mortified to make a responsive call without asking someone else's opinion. To the annoyance of everyone else on the project, they can barely function without input from another person. At least they keep the daily average down.

13. The Solo: This person has their own practice, and will spend 75% of their time on the project out in the hallway on their phone. The rest of the time they'll spend paying even less attention to their documents than the average reviewer, as their mind is solely on their own practice. Not that bad to sit near, until they start pressing you for business.

14. The Could-have-been: "I could have been working at a great firm, I was going to be prestigious, but I..." Ended up in doc review? This wasn't supposed to happen to them, see? Yeah, they've always got an excuse, and they'll love to talk to you about it. It wasn't their fault, for one reason or another. A common fate of the Dreamer.

15. The Burnout: This jaded individual has accepted their fate, but hates the world for it. Can be recognized by their disheveled dress (even on the first day), their casual-at-best attitude regarding directions, their general lack of interest in anything other than turning in their hours, and their dislike of every other person on this list.

16.  The Foody:  Does nothing but talks about food all day. Arrives at work, talks about what she had to eat last night or that morning. At about 10am starts talking about getting lunch and what she is in the mood for. Rounds up a posse of people to go out and get lunch, then regales everyone who didn't go with her of the tales of her meal. Usually has a pile of snacks on her desk. On days she doesn't go to lunch, she brings multiple containers of stuff and put together multiple courses in the kitchen microwave. Goes out for afternoon coffee with friends because the pod coffee is not good enough. Spends the afternoon talking about going out to dinner. And throughout the day talks about the stupid food point system that is supposedly keeping her thin while doing nothing but talking about food and eating all day.

17.  The Job Hunter:  Everyone on the assignment knows she is looking for a FT attorney job. If you had a dollar for every time you heard the word JOB out of this person's mouth you would be matching Buffet in two months.

18.  The Loafer:  This person has a great personality but less of a work ethic. Usually lowest weekly billables on a project. This person is on the make not in billing as much as possible to make the most money as fast as possible but in doing as little as possible to make 1500 a week. They will be 15 mins. late in the morning. 15 mins. late from lunch.

19.  The Mad Biller:  This person is usually a geek that when he gets told he can come in at any time and leave at any time takes this LITERALLY. This person will come in at 7 am and bill until midnight. This person is the exact opposite of the loafer in 18 above. He will bill 15 hrs. a day 6 days a week and come back on Sunday to bill 8 more hrs. He takes home 3k a week.

20.  The Shyster:  This person would usually be considered an 18 Loafer, but bills like a 19 Mad Biller. Comes in late to work, takes 3 hour lunches to go shopping, leaves early, but somehow bills 60 hours a week and no one calls them on it.

21. The Paranoiac:  No matter how many projects this specimen has done, no matter how mindlessly routine the review, the Paranoiac will never make a coding call without asking his neighbor to confirm it. The Paranoiac's neighbors rarely appear at work without headphones after the first day, and will never, ever, under any circumstances, make eye contact. Similar to #12, but also constantly worries aloud that the underlying case is bound to settle this afternoon. Often ##9 or 10 will convince the project lead quietly to remove the Paranoiac from the project, in order to prevent bloodshed.

22. The "I just don't give a shit anymore" guy:  This gentleman (or young lady) has been on multiple projects and just doesn't care anymore. Possibly a hybrid of 10 & 15. Main focus is billing for money. Usually happy-go-lucky as opposed to burnout. Will read through documents and do okay in general. But when he doesn't understand something, will avoid looking like 12 The questioner, and blindly code the doc. Relevant? Oh, why not. Privileged? Sure. Hit "save & continue" His biggest fear is being promoted to team lead and having actual responsibility.

23. The "stumbles ass backwards in jobs" guy:  This gentleman doesn't even want to be on coding jobs but is on unemployment benefits and cannot reject a recruiter calling him up on risk of being cut off from unemployment benefits. Somewhat related to 22. Will intentionally screw up just so you will lay him off. However, defies the laws of nature and gets "promoted" to QC, Privilege Logging, and even team lead positions. (sort of like the movie office space.)

24. The Lush:  Smells faintly of last night's bourbon at 8:00 a.m. and distinctly of today's bourbon by 2:00 p.m. Rumples freshly-pressed clothes by walking past them. Somehow still maintains an 8% higher accuracy rate than everyone else.

Nobody knows whether to admire or fear this person.

25.  The Angry Frat Boy Staff Attorney: Usually in his late 20s or early 30s, this staff attorney, if you can call him that, spends days doling out batches of docs to reviewers and sending emails about recurring computer problems. He probably comes from an upper middle class family, spent most of college partying, and only went to law school because it seemed better than going to work for his father's company. He is perpetually disgruntled and spends a good portion of his day trying to catch the doc reviewers doing something wrong so that he can have them fired and actually feel good about himself for five minutes. He glares at the male reviewers who he views as "competition" and gives them that "I'm watching you" look made famous by Robert DeNiro in "Meet the Parents." All of the female doc reviewers love the guy though, largely because they know that they'd never consider dating a guy like that, which means they can use him to safely hone their flirting skills.

You can secretly hate travel. In fact, it is a requirement for DN membership to hate travel. Not the idea of travel, obviously, but it's so unfair, so inconvenient that a person STILL must actually travel to present the image of themself enjoying travel. This is like literally 2026, and no one has solved this problem yet.

What matters is maintaining the appearance of being perpetually delighted by intrepid exploration of DN hives for the buzziest new authentic Zulu-Korean vegan burrito restaurant. Did Anthony Bourdain ever film himself eating authentic Zulu-Korean vegan burritos? Is there even evidence that Anthony Bourdain ever went to Bali? The true DN superpower is the ability to produce social media content suggesting you are having a significantly better time than you actually are.

At some point you realize your greatest travel skill is not adaptability, curiosity, or courage. It is pretending to have fun in a convincing fashion.

This is an important anchor to Routine, swimming laps. Ideally there's a diving area too - 1- and 3-meter springboards and a nice, deep, clean diving well.

Where are your favorite pools open to a grubby nomad looking to stay toned?

Mine:

-Madeira's Complexo de Piscinas Olímpicas do Funchal is top contender. It may seen odd swimming laps in a chlorinated pool on a subtropical Atlantic island, but there are hardly any beaches on Madeira!

-Tucson, University of Arizona swimming complex. Spectacular setting in a desert city surrounded by mountains.

-National Aquatic Center in Kuala Lumpur.

-Barcelona's Picornell on Montjuic.

Add more. I'll plan a stay around access to a great pool.

And why are so many people on this sub obsessed with building rather than exploring communities? Building community among transients seems Sisyphean.

Jens arrived in Medellín eager for a new start, armed with two laptops, an iPad, an iPhone, two burner phones, a ring light, a satchel laden with five kilos of his favorite tofu (firm), a minimalist ethic, and a deeply held conviction that he was not a tourist.

Tourists, after all, stayed in hotels. He stayed in a luxury Airbnb owned by a local family that could no longer afford to live in the estrato 6 neighborhood. Entirely different.

He spoke often about "living like a local," usually while ordering imported oat milk, attending an English-language networking brunch, and complaining that the city lacked a decent gluten-free sourdough bakery. He had been in Colombia for eleven months and knew exactly three Spanish phrases, one of which was "Hay Wi-Fi aquí?"

Jens (cleverly rebranded as Jens the Nomad) considered himself a citizen of the world, a phrase he deployed whenever taxes were mentioned. Borders were artificial constructs when they limited his freedom, but essential safeguards when they allowed him to remain being paid in USD while spending in COP.

His social circle consisted entirely of other nomads. Together they would discuss Authenticity over imported White Claws from the rooftop infinity pool in authentic Poblado, lament the disappearance of local culture, and speculate on where to move next now that Medellín had become "too discovered."

Jens the Nomad insisted he was boosting the paisa economy. This was technically true. The landlord's economy, anyway, and the economy of the prepago industry.

Most importantly, he was escaping the rat race. This required waking at 5 a.m. for a productivity podcast, spending ten hours on Zoom, tracking seven income streams, optimizing his personal brand, and posting daily about freedom.

"Home is wherever I happen to be," wrote Jens the Nomad on LinkedIn.

He then spent the next forty-five minutes arguing with customer service because the coworking space had run out of imported coffee, grown nearby, exported to Europe for torrefaction, and reintroduced for sale to nomads in Colombia at a 20x markup.

In which we discuss most egregious examples of this heinous act.

Which destinations make you roll your eyes and immediately judge a person adversely?

Anyone who claims not to judge is a liar, and I judge them adversely for lying.

DIGITAL NOMAD - MORS NOS CIRCUMDAT

The Digital Nomad is what happens when the bored and the privileged discover that rootless dilettantery could be rebranded as freedom.

Having spent the first half of life rejecting corporate conformity and the second half desperately preserving access to corporate clients, the Digital Nomad occupies a unique ecological niche somewhere between backpacker, management consultant, and pretentious vagabond.

The Digital Nomad insists s/he is not a tourist.

A tourist visits a place for two weeks, spends too much money, learns nothing, and leaves.

The Digital Nomad visits a place for two months, spends too much money, learns slightly less than nothing, and leaves with an Instagram photo essay entitled What Canggu Can Teach Us About Intersectional Community.

The Digital Nomad's most treasured possession is not passport, laptop, or noise-canceling headphones.

It is an audience for performative travel. Second is the belief that s/he has escaped something, expressed loudly and often.

The exact nature of this thing remains unclear.

Occasionally it is capitalism.

Occasionally it is parents’ culture.

Occasionally it is winter.

Most often it is themself.

The Digital Nomad is highly adaptable. S/He can reproduce the exact same daily routine in virtually any city on Earth:

• Wake up.
• Strenuously avoid any self-reflexión [see infra].
• Performative yoga.
• Buy and consume overpriced coffee milkshake.
• Check client email.
• Check whether the government has changed visa rules.
• Purchase more expensive coffee.
• Complain about gentrification.
• Contribute to gentrification.
• Yoga.
• Attend Zoom meetings.
• Order poke bowl that costs 110% of local daily wage, take 20 photos of poke bowl for online audience, engage in deep existential inquiry about whether poke bowl even has existence separate from online photos, eat poke bowl.
• Explain that s/he is "building community” while strenuously avoiding engagement with pre-existing local communities.
• Know nobody who would help them move a couch, not even for free beer and pizza.

The Digital Nomad prides themself on living like a local, while bringing coffee milkshakes and poke bowls to enlighten locals.

Living like a local consists primarily of renting apartments from other foreigners, socializing with other foreigners, speaking English, resenting the local Pinoy barista for not speaking North American English, and developing strong opinions about neighborhoods whose names s/he learned three weeks ago.

A Digital Nomad can often be heard complaining that a destination has become overrun with Digital Nomads.

This insight usually arrives shortly after their own arrival.

ACCEPTABLE

• Yurt
• Teepee
• Tent
• Under a camel
• Bivouac
• Hammock
• Palapa
• Van
• Sailboat
• A ditch in Flanders (summer only)

UNACCEPTABLE

• House
• Airbnb
• Ho(s)tel
• Under any roof

An old friend diagnosed my attraction to nomadism yesterday over dinner. The more I think about it, the more I like the formulation.

How do you feel about the tabula rasa of an unfamiliar place?

It goes to intent, and has economic but not racial dimension. Being expat correlates strongly with relative wealth and stability of the two countries involved. People do not generally immigrate to countries poorer and/or less stable than their own.

Expats do not have immigrant intent, which is intent or desire to remain permanently. Immigrants do.