u/Dense_Childhood_9657

Was looking for an old screenshot last night and ended up doomscrolling my own camera roll back to 2022. Hit a stretch in june of that year where I am, no exaggeration, wearing the same olive linen jumpsuit in 47 individual photos. Coffee dates, The beach, A friend's birthday at Bestia, Hiking griffith, A wedding rehearsal in topanga. Apparently the jumpsuit was at the wedding rehearsal.

The funny part is I remember loving that jumpsuit and feeling like I "had a look" that summer. Looking back at the photos now it reads less like a personal style and more like a costume I forgot to take off for four months. Comfortable, photographs well, easy decision in the morning. So I made the decision once and never made it again.

28 now, was 26 then. The jumpsuit doesn't fit anymore and I genuinely don't know what to do with the fact that my entire identity in those photos was an olive linen jumpsuit that I no longer own. Was that style. Was that just laziness with a good piece. I cannot tell.

Anyway. I think LA does this to people, you find the one piece that works for the weather and the lifestyle and the lighting and you wear it into the ground. Does anyone else identify their "47 photos" piece in retrospect?

Sat in the parking lot of the restaurant for 8 minutes after he walked me to my car because I did not want him to see my face change.

Forty-six, divorced 2 and a half years, this is the first guy I've made it to a third date with. He's kind. He's funny. Tuesday night was supposed to be dinner at a place I'd never been to in northeast Portland, low pressure, I'd given myself permission to wear the soft thing instead of the showing-up thing.

Halfway through the entree, he asked about my work and I told a story about getting a deal closed last spring. The story involved a meeting downtown. As I was telling it I realized I was wearing exactly the dress I'd worn to that meeting. Then I remembered the next thing I had worn it to, which was my divorce mediation 11 months ago. I had not consciously connected the two until I was sitting across from a man who was being lovely to me and watching him eat olives.

I want to be clear that nothing about him caused this. He was telling a story about his daughter's robotics tournament. The dress is just one of the four "real" dresses I own that is not a workout dress or a wedding guest dress. I wear it constantly because it works. And apparently the version of me that wears it has been a lot of different people in the last two years, including a person who had a marriage end while sitting at a conference table in a navy a-line, and I had not noticed.

Sat in the parking lot. Felt the thing. Did not cry, exactly. Drove home. Hung the dress back up. Texted him "had a great night, thank you, sleep well." Meant it.

What I'm trying to figure out is whether the answer is to get rid of the dress (feels dramatic and also I genuinely need it for work events) or to just have more dresses so the same one doesn't carry the weight of every important night of the last three years. I think it's the second one. But the second one means shopping and I have not had a "shop for myself" experience that felt good since 2019. I'm honestly a little scared of it. The few times I've tried it ended in tears in the macys dressing room and a return three days later.

Open to any advice, I'm a little raw from last night still. Mostly venting, but if you've been in this loop please tell me how you got out.

37f. Three kids under 8. SAHP.

Last week: real haircut, styled. A dress I bought two years ago and hadn't worn. Not athleisure. Not the grey hoodie.

School drop-off: three teachers said something. One said "you look great, did something change?" An aide said she liked my dress. A mum I barely know commented on my hair.

My husband said nothing. He sees me every day. I know he wasn't ignoring it  he just didn't register.

I'm not angry at him. He's not a villain. But it did something to me  I realised I've been dressing for an audience that doesn't see me, and any effort I make goes unnoticed in the one place I might have wanted it to matter.

I need to find a reason to dress for myself that doesn't require anyone to notice. I know that's the answer. I'm not there yet.

46f. Five years out of a long marriage. Actually doing it the apps, the messages, a date booked for next week.

The last time I was single I was 41 and 25 pounds lighter. The wardrobe I have is mostly from that period, or bought by a version of me who was half-hoping to be that size again. Neither of those things is happening.

I'm not willing to wait until I'm thinner to date or dress well. I've made that deal before and it never pays out. But I also don't want to just buy anything I want to look like a version of myself I'm proud of, in the body I actually have, for someone who might stick around.

The problem is I don't know what flatters this shape. I spent the marriage not really thinking about it, and the years before the marriage at a different size. I feel like I'm starting from a blank page at 46.

Like genuinely who IS she. confident, clear headed, actually wants to socialize, gets things done, feels good in her body. i

I look forward to that week all month and then it's gone so fast and i'm back to just getting through it. the contrast between that version of me and the week before my period is honestly jarring,it's the same person with the same life and it feels completely different.

I just want to feel like that more than once a month lol is that too much to ask. Has anyone found anything that actually evens it out a bit!?