u/Diligent_Equipment82

Looking for a F to chat

Met a colleague at work. We started talking, clicked instantly, and I developed real feelings. I asked her multiple times if she was seeing someone — she said no, every time.

I confessed my feelings over text. She called it "boundary crossing" and said we were just colleagues. Next day she walked up to my desk and greeted me like nothing happened.

We went through cycles of ignoring each other, then talking again. At some point she mentioned she was in a relationship — 2 years, she said. But things kept escalating. We started making out at the office, almost every day. She brought me food, cared for me in ways that felt genuinely rare. She told me her relationship was hollow, just a label, that she wanted to be with me but couldn't leave because everyone in her life knew them as a couple.

I left the job. I expected distance. Instead we got closer — FaceTime calls till 4am, knowing everything about each other. I was completely in love. Thought about marrying her. She told me no one had ever loved her the way I did, that I was exactly what she had always wanted.

But whenever she was around her boyfriend, she'd block me. Then apologize. I kept waiting. That cycle broke me slowly and I didn't even notice.

One night, drunk and exhausted from months of anxiety, I called her boyfriend. That's when I found out — they'd been together for 6 years, not 2. Engagement planned for the end of the year. He also told me they were physically intimate regularly. She had told me she was a virgin.

She called me after. Said I ruined her life. Blocked me.

The pain was severe. I had genuinely believed she would choose me.

Two months later she came back. Said she lied because she was scared of losing me. Said she couldn't imagine life without me. Asked for 2-3 months to sort things out and said she'd choose me.

She faded. Then disappeared.

It's been 5 months. I think about her almost constantly. She still unblocks me occasionally, sees my messages and calls, then blocks again.

I know what this looks like from the outside. I just don't know how to actually get out of it mentally. Has anyone been through something like this? What actually helped?

Met a colleague at work. We started talking, clicked instantly, and I developed real feelings. I asked her multiple times if she was seeing someone — she said no, every time.

I confessed my feelings over text. She called it "boundary crossing" and said we were just colleagues. Next day she walked up to my desk and greeted me like nothing happened.

We went through cycles of ignoring each other, then talking again. At some point she mentioned she was in a relationship — 2 years, she said. But things kept escalating. We started making out at the office, almost every day. She brought me food, cared for me in ways that felt genuinely rare. She told me her relationship was hollow, just a label, that she wanted to be with me but couldn't leave because everyone in her life knew them as a couple.

I left the job. I expected distance. Instead we got closer — FaceTime calls till 4am, knowing everything about each other. I was completely in love. Thought about marrying her. She told me no one had ever loved her the way I did, that I was exactly what she had always wanted.

But whenever she was around her boyfriend, she'd block me. Then apologize. I kept waiting. That cycle broke me slowly and I didn't even notice.

One night, drunk and exhausted from months of anxiety, I called her boyfriend. That's when I found out — they'd been together for 6 years, not 2. Engagement planned for the end of the year. He also told me they were physically intimate regularly. She had told me she was a virgin.

She called me after. Said I ruined her life. Blocked me.

The pain was severe. I had genuinely believed she would choose me.

Two months later she came back. Said she lied because she was scared of losing me. Said she couldn't imagine life without me. Asked for 2-3 months to sort things out and said she'd choose me.

She faded. Then disappeared.

It's been 5 months. I think about her almost constantly. She still unblocks me occasionally, sees my messages and calls, then blocks again.

I know what this looks like from the outside. I just don't know how to actually get out of it mentally. Has anyone been through something like this? What actually helped?

I didn't plan to fall for her. It just happened the way things do when you're not guarding yourself — slowly, then completely.

She sat near my desk. We started talking. Found each other interesting. And somewhere in those conversations I realized I was genuinely falling for this woman. I asked her, more than once, whether she was with someone. She looked me in the eye and said no. Every single time.

So I told her how I felt. Texted her that I loved her. And she pulled back — said it was crossing a line, that we were colleagues, that this wasn't okay. I was embarrassed. I tried to accept it.

Then the next morning she walked up to my desk and said "Hi, how are you?" — like nothing had happened. Like she hadn't just shut me down.

We kept orbiting each other. Ignoring, then talking. Then she mentioned, almost casually, that she was in a relationship. Two years, she said. I felt stupid. But somehow we kept getting closer anyway. And then one day something shifted and we were making out in the office. Then it became almost every day.

She brought me sandwiches. She checked on me. She cared for me in this quiet, consistent way that I hadn't experienced before. She told me her relationship was empty — just a title, just appearances. That she wasn't getting back what she was putting in. That she wanted to be with me but couldn't just walk away because everyone knew them as a couple. Her mother knew him.

I believed her. I believed all of it.

I left the job and I thought that would be the end of it. Instead we fell deeper. FaceTime calls until 4 in the morning. Knowing each other's thoughts before they were finished. I used to dream about marrying her. I treated her like she was the most precious thing in my life. She told me no one had ever loved her the way I did. That this was exactly what she always wanted. That I was the man she had been looking for.

But every time she was with him, she blocked me. And I waited. Every single time, I waited for her to come back and unblock me. I told myself it meant something that she always did.

One night — drunk, hollowed out from months of anxiety and missing her — I called her boyfriend.

He told me they had been together for six years. Not two. Six. That they were getting engaged before the year ended. And that their relationship was, by every measure, very much alive.

She had told me she was a virgin.

She called me after he told her. Said I had destroyed her life. Said I was a mistake. Then she blocked me and was gone.

I don't have words for what that felt like. I had built an entire future in my head. I had genuinely believed she was going to choose me. And in one phone call, every single thing I thought was real turned out to be constructed.

Two months later she came back.

She said she had lied because she was terrified of losing me. She said she couldn't picture her life without me in it. She asked for two or three months. She promised she would choose me.

Then she slowly disappeared again.

It has been five months. I think about her almost every day. Sometimes she unblocks me, watches my messages, sees my calls — and then blocks me again without a word. No explanation. No closure. Just enough to keep the wound open.

I know how this reads. I know what people will say. But I genuinely loved this woman with everything I had. And I don't know how to unknow her.

Has anyone actually come back from something like this? Not "moved on" in the advice-column sense — but actually healed? What did it take?

I joined an office last year and there was this colleague who sat near my desk. We gradually started talking and got really comfortable with each other. I started liking her pretty quickly. During that time, I asked her a few times if she was seeing anyone, and every single time she said no.

Eventually I completely fell for her and confessed my feelings. She initially reacted badly and told me I crossed boundaries because we were colleagues. After that we stopped talking for a bit, but then she herself came back and asked if we were never going to talk again. From there we slowly got close again.

Then one day she tells me she actually has a boyfriend and they’ve been together for 2 years. But despite that, we kept getting closer. It turned physical. We used to make out at the office almost daily. She became extremely caring and emotionally attached toward me. Bringing food for me, staying up late talking to me, FaceTiming till 4 AM, constantly reassuring me that I was special to her.

She also kept telling me her relationship was basically dead emotionally, that she wasn’t getting the love she gave, that she wanted to be with me instead, but couldn’t leave because everyone knew about her boyfriend, her mother knew him, etc. Basically saying she felt trapped.

I left that office eventually, but our connection actually became even deeper after that. I genuinely loved her. I saw a future with her. She used to tell me no one had ever loved her the way I did and that I was the kind of man she always wanted.

But whenever she was around her boyfriend, she would block me temporarily, then later apologize and come back. I hated it, but I tolerated it because I was emotionally addicted to her at that point.

Then one night, out of anxiety and frustration, I drunk-called her boyfriend.

That’s when everything shattered.

He told me they had actually been together for 6 years, were planning to get engaged soon, and that they had a completely active relationship physically too. The girl had told me she was a virgin and basically painted a completely different reality to me.

After that she called me crying and angry, said I ruined her life, said I was a mistake, then blocked me everywhere.

I was destroyed mentally after that.

Then 2 months later, she came back again. I was still in love with her, so we started talking again. This time she admitted she lied because she never wanted to lose me. She again said she wanted a future with me, asked me to give her a few months to choose me, said she couldn’t imagine life without me.

Then slowly… she faded away again.

Now it’s been around 5 months. I still think about her constantly. Sometimes she randomly unblocks me, sees my texts/calls, then blocks me again.

Part of me feels manipulated. Another part of me still misses her deeply and wonders if she will be mine someday, or world is filled with evils.

I genuinely don’t know whether I was loved, used, or just emotionally naive.

What would you do in my situation?