u/DingoFit8214

Hey guys, I (23F) just recently got out of a manic episode. Haven't had one in so long, I guess sometimes you don't even realize you're in one. You just feel fine, amazing, on top of the world, careless, reckless.. until obviously you're not, because you've caused absolute destruction.

Before a couple days ago the only medication I was on for BP1 was Lamotrigine. I also want to preface this by saying this diagnosis is EXTREMELY new (BP1 without psychotic features), and also the first time I've every truly reached out for help. So I get why some might say I am severely under medicated. So far, Lamotrigine is all I've needed. It worked all the way up until this episode (4mo), right when I got the tiniest taste of stability. While it's relieving to finally have a definitive diagnosis, and all at the same time, hard coping with the fact that I am stuck with this ugly thing inside of me for the rest of my life. Sometimes I struggle to find reasons to keep pushing forward.

Past couple weeks I have been in a severe manic episode. I was awake for a total of 39 hours. I most definitely ruined my marriage, friendships, my relationship with my families. Now, I deal with the consequences. I scheduled an emergency appointment with my psychiatrist, where she prescribed me Doxepin + Hydroxyzine for sleep and Paliperidone 3mg tablets on top of my Lamotrigine 50mg. I know I need inpatient, and trust me, I WANT it. I just graduate nursing school in 5 months, so being admitted with set me back another 3 months. Anyways, I am luckily I have 1 good friend and at least one supportive brother.

Before paliperidone, I had only tried vraylar (I did not like so we took it off). Can anyone share their experiences on this medication? Did it help?

Additionally, for those diagnosed with BP1, what treatment has TRULY worked for you? I am getting hopeless.. and tired. Just having to accept the fact that I will have to live with this for the rest of my life is DRAINING. Not wanting to push forward isn't even out of some crazy, crisis, or life-threatening suicidal tendency. I just don't want to deal with it anymore.

Besides medication, what therapy has helped? Looking for advice on ANYTHING that has worked. I am getting desperate. I had a talk therapist, but it didn't help after a certain point. She did not specialize in bipolar, which I started seeing her 2 weeks before the initial diagnosis. It felt like I was being judged or deemed as 'helpless'.

And lastly... I am seeking support. This illness is debilitating. Please..

So…. Yeah. We (me 23F, him 25M), were together about a year and 4 months. Married since January 30th, 2026.

I don’t think we were the most compatible, but I did love that man. I think we rushed it. We both had a load of issues I never worked through. He’s military, I started getting cold feet—I’m not sure if what I’m feeling is attachment or actual grief. Probably both.

In the grand scheme it wasn’t that much time. However, he was the first guy to ever make me feel loved. First non-asshole I’ve been in a relationship with.

It’s not finalized. In fact, we just agreed to this yesterday after a rather explosive fight.

I wanted this.. so why do I feel like this. A part of me had a gnawing feeling that this wasn’t right for me. We were going to move November time. He would graduate his schooling oct. 23rd, and I would graduate nursing school the same day. At the beginning I wanted to settle down, nice house, kids, probably start the family by the time I turned 28. But something changed. I now want to travel the world, see places, meet new people, etc. I don’t want to settle.

It felt like I was also settling for someone I constantly had to water myself down for. And by that, I mean as an individual, whether socializing, performing, hobbies, interests, sex, etc. And another large part of me absolutely loved the shit out of him. Now we’re here, and it all happened so fast.

I guess I’m looking for support. Maybe some advice on how to idk… be okay? Feel normal doing the mundane things? Enjoy life again? My appetite is nonexistent. I never thought this would be my reality. I’m glad I’m busy with school, but damn. I’m lost with myself right now. I’ve been heartbroken before… but divorced? Looking for a little bit of guidance, maybe something to cheer me up, look forward to, snap out of it?

Hi everyone (23F). First time posting here and I’m trying to understand what’s happening.

I was diagnosed with Bipolar I in Oct 2025 and started medication in Nov. I’ve been stable for a while, but this past week something shifted fast—very little sleep, impulsivity, drinking more than usual, and feeling out of control. It feels like my medication isn’t working right now. My cycle has also been off (started again only ~7 days after my last), so I’m wondering if hormones could be playing a role too.

Last night, my husband and I had a severe argument that escalated badly…. Matters were pretty physical. It’s never truly gotten to such an extent—I absolutely snapped. It was as if I switched bodies and was viewing myself in the third person.

We’ve only been married a few months, and there’s recently been stress around compatibility (lifestyle, values, wants and needs, etc.). Obviously before marrying these are things we’ve established. But with the mania this past week specifically… I said things I deeply regret. Like I said, I’ve had a COMPLETE shift in character that I genuinely can’t explain. Unfortunately I think I’ve just destroyed my entire marriage, to a point of no return. I’m not sure how to come back from this. All that progress… down the drain.

Police ended up being called, but no one was arrested and we separated for the night.

What’s really unsettling is that within hours, the intensity dropped and I was left with clarity, regret, and shock at my own behavior. It feels like I went from stable, completely dysregulated, back down in a matter of hours, and now I’m dealing with the consequences.

I take full responsibility for my actions and know I need help. I’m just trying to understand this. How can one do something like this to the person they love?

For those with BP1 or experience:

- Can episodes come on this suddenly even after stability?

- Can hormones or cycle changes trigger something like this?

- Is long-term stability actually realistic?

- Have relationships ever recovered after something like this?

I feel like I blew up my life in a few hours and I’m struggling to see a way forward.

Hi Reddit. This is my first time posting here (23F), and I’m honestly just trying to make sense of what’s happening.

I’m diagnosed with Bipolar I since October of 2025 and recently (since November of 2025) started lamotrigine (currently at 50 mg). I’ve been relatively stable for a while, but over the past week something has shifted significantly. My mood has become increasingly dysregulated—minimal sleep, impulsivity, reckless decisions, binge drinking, and a general sense that I’m losing control. It genuinely feels as though the medication isn’t touching whatever this is. My menstrual cycle has also been extremely irregular, I’ve already began a new cycle when my last one was only 7 days ago. Can such sudden changes in hormones play in effect to this or the medication? I haven’t touched mania in such a long time, It’s like I feel it coming but I’ve also forgotten what it feels like because it’s been so long. Why am I suddenly so unstable again?

Last night, my husband and I had the most severe conflict of our relationship. We’ve only been married since January, together since 2024, and our marriage has been terribly strained the past few days. A large part of the tension stems from a growing fear that we may be fundamentally incompatible—differences in lifestyle, sexual needs, values, socialization, and long-term priorities (I’m in nursing school, about to graduate; he’s in the military). My chief complaint is that I feel, in a sense, like I have to water myself down for him. I’ve started questioning whether we rushed into marriage without fully understanding each other. And it goes both ways—I feel I don’t know him, and I know he feels like he doesn’t know me when I do have an episode. When expressing this, it took a turn and suddenly I became extremely blunt, borderline abusive with my words, going so far as telling him that I am terrified I will be miserable for the rest of our lives. To add… I already have an idea of the feedback I’m about to get for this. And it’s well deserved.

We had been out with friends and had a few drinks, which didn’t help. The argument escalated over several hours. I was already in a heightened emotional state and eventually removed myself to calm down because I physically couldn’t continue engaging. My voice was becoming faint. When I came back after spending 20 minutes in the restroom attempting to regain myself, I attempted to disengage by lying on the bed absolutely shutting down and stonewalling the whole situation. However, he continued pressing the issue and became physically forceful in trying to get a response from me. Any physical restraint or force is a HUGE known trigger for me, my BP1, and my childhood past. Every time he does that in an argument or prevents me from walking away and cooling off, I set off a huge warning to not do so otherwise things could take a very wrong turn. And with him in my face repeatedly demanding for me to say the big word (divorce), matters started to deteriorate quickly. It all happened so fast.

In the midst of that escalation, I said I wanted a divorce. He then pushed me down into the bed after hovering over me a grasping my arm—then proceeded to repeatedly, and loudly, kick me out of the apartment we are both on the lease for. I had told him I am absolutely not driving after drinking that night. He looked at his watch, stated it had been 5 hours, and then demanded I get out. The situation then turned physical on both sides. It’s like a I snapped and switched personalities. I threw the closest thing near me at him (a fan), he pushed me, I pushed and hit him back. I had a website for divorce opened on my laptop, where he then took my laptop and threw it against our dresser. This is the only thing I have for school. Immediately I pushed him on to the bed, he hit me once, and I began hitting him repeatedly.

I want to be very clear that I take responsibility for my actions—I struck him repeatedly. I need help, deeply. The police were called because I refused to drive. No one was arrested, but they advised him to leave for the night. When questioned, I was entirely honest with the cops. I am tremendously grateful I was not arrested.

After we finished speaking with the officers and they completed their photos, he came back inside to gather his things. I had a divorce website open, stating that we needed to figure this out. He got down on one knee and asked me not to move forward with it yet—to give us time and reconsider while we had space. I looked at him but couldn’t say anything. Before he left, he told me he still loved me.

I reached out to try to address things calmly and practically, but he is understandably angry and has disengaged. Now I see a shift in character, how hypocritical of me... He indicated he will handle divorce proceedings later through legal channels. I pleaded that this doesn’t need to be messy—considering we’ve only been married a few months and there are absolutely 0 assets to be split. Being with him, I quit working to focus on school full time as he provided.

What’s most unsettling to me is that within hours, the intensity of the mania dropped, and I was left with a sense of clarity, regret, and disbelief at my own behavior. These are the real-time consequences that come with mania.

At this point, I feel like I’ve destabilized my entire life in a matter of hours. I’m struggling with how rapidly my state shifted—from relative stability to this level of dysregulation—and now the projection of my life has taken an entire 180 turn. It is selfish of me to say I love him so dearly. That I regret all of this. Because if I was capable of loving, how could you do this to someone you love?

For those with BP1, or those who have experience with it:

Is sustained stability actually achievable long-term?

Have you seen relationships recover after something like this, or is this whole I’ve dug too deep to climb up from?

How can I go from doing so well, to rapidly declining in a matter of hours?

I’m not looking to avoid accountability—I know my actions were unacceptable. I do not deserve forgiveness. I’m just trying to understand whether there is a path forward, either personally or relationally. I feel entirely hopeless.