u/Direct-Calendar8311

I feel like I'm constantly cycling through anger, denial, missing him, and confusion. I keep having conversations with him in my head explaining to him why his behaviour was abusive and I am so tired of it. I want to move on. I can't. Last week I was missing him so much, literally craving him. At the same time, I know I won't and can never go back. I don't trust him, he is not safe. I know this. I know it's not my fault, but I've also had times recently where I feel like I've made a mountain out of a molehill. I know I haven't, but there is this instinct in me to protect him and take care of him still. I've looked back over old messages to remind myself of WHY I had to end things. I don't know, maybe I'm just lonely. I remember when we'd overcome arguments etc and I'd feel so euphoric. I don't get to have closure because he will never truly understand that he was abusive. I know I have to create my own closure. Like, I know I am stuck in this trauma bond but how the hell do I move through it and move on.

The night of fun realllllly isn't worth it for how awful I'm feeling today. Every bit of serotonin has left my body and I just feel so paranoid and empty. Plus I have endo so the pain is paining.

Stupidly got talked into doing drugs, too. Idiot, idiot, idiot. I know it's all compounding and that once my period arrives I'll likely feel a little better but just want to crawl into a hole. Worst part is that I did this to myself, knowing that alcohol etc just heightens my PMDD. Oh well, live and learn (or be like me and don't).

Hi all,

Silly me - I have a market this weekend and made some tetra pak etchings and realised they need time to cure/dry before I put them in frames :(

I'm using Akua intaglio ink and am wondering if all hope is lost or if anyone has some tips to get them to dry a little quicker or at least be safer to put in frames.

FYI it's Thursday at 5:50pm where I am and need them for 9am Saturday, eek.

Period is on it's way and I feel like im being stabbed. Pelvis hurts, back hurts, legs hurt, ass is cramping. Cant still or lay down because then I can only focus on the pain so I'm just swaying and pacing. Last months period felt like such a non event, too :( almost forgot that I have this STUPID disease, my bad.

Can't be fucked with anything. Everything is meh. I am so tired. I am not interested in anything. One of those days where I'm just waiting for it to be bed time, basically.

Hi all,

Curious to learn a bit more about the Isle of Texel, particularly Den Hoorn. I have ancestors that lived there for a long, long time. I'm a big family history nerd so would be interested to know more about it, particularly anything about folk lore and folk art.

Thanks!

Hi all,

I'm new to reddit and this sub but came looking as lately I've been missing my ex, thinking about the good moments, and feeling bad for him. Thinking that maybe if I handled things differently, we'd still be together etc. Moments of fun and joy kept popping into my head and I came to this sub to learn how I could move through these feelings. However, I started doing some reading and these excerpts from Lundy Bancroft really resonated:

“The central attitudes driving Mr. Sensitive are:
I’m against the macho men, so I couldn’t be abusive.
As long as I use a lot of “psychobabble,” no one is going to believe that I am mistreating you.
I can control you by analyzing how your mind and emotions work, and what your issues are from childhood.
I can get inside your head whether you want me there or not.
Nothing in the world is more important than my feelings.
Women should be grateful to me for not being like those other men.”

“An abuser can seem emotionally needy. You can get caught in a trap of catering to him, trying to fill a bottomless pit. But he’s not so much needy as entitled, so no matter how much you give him, it will never be enough. He will just keep coming up with more demands because he believes his needs are your responsibility, until you feel drained down to nothing.”

“Disrespect also can take the form of idealizing you and putting you on a pedestal as a perfect woman or goddess, perhaps treating you like a piece of fine china. The man who worships you in this way is not seeing you; he is seeing his fantasy, and when you fail to live up to that image he may turn nasty. So there may not be much difference between the man who talks down to you and the one who elevates you; both are displaying a failure to respect you as a real human being and bode ill.”

Now, I just feel angry. Like really, really ragey and don't know what to do with this anger. I will never be able to explain to him how he made me feel, and how it wasn't my fault. I don't get to have the closure because I have no idea what was real and he will never be able to comprehend that he is not the man he thinks he is.