u/Dizzy-With-Eternity

r/basscirclejerk - esque pick-player with a cheap Ibanez and Vox multi effect pedal honestly just looking for other people who don't take themselves too seriously to fuck around with musically. Bonus points if your drummer has a more ironic sense of musical preferences than my previous one (probably impossible).

I've been actively and consistently poly for closing in on four years now. I have one nesting partner (A) as well as a girlfriend (B), who has a nesting partner of her own (C).

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Recently struggling with feeling out of place, not only with B but with poly as a whole. Trying to maintain some ambiguity as at least one of my partners is in the sub.

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There are a few reasons for this. Basically, my relationships are parallel. A and B happen to somewhat know each other in a professional setting, but otherwise we do not all interact with each other as a group. However, I've recently learned that B and C are basically always kitchen table with C's partners. Not even necessarily established partners, B has spent time with C's casual dates at their house together, but has had C's partners over with their other partners as well.

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I've jokingly mentioned this to B that I feel like the odd one out, to which she kind of weakly replied A and I are always welcome and it is whatever everyone is comfortable with. I've confirmed that A is not comfortable with any sort of kitchen table activities, which I've known for some time and was always our arrangement. But I can't help but feeling like I'm missing out on a part of life that I could have with B.

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As far as B goes, this makes me feel out of place in her life, but there are other reasons for this. B and C can be late night people, multiple late night spots where they have friend groups, alt clubs, etc. B and I usually grab dinner, hang at each other's places, and call it a date. We don't really do too much of anything specific or exciting, and I feel like it doesn't really align with how she prefers to spend her nights.

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As far as A goes, I respect whatever is comfortable for her and would never push on this. She'd likely concede and consider kitchen table for my benefit, which feels like a hollow victory for lack of a better term and completely inconsiderate of her feelings. But I also feel like we're kind of one foot in and one foot out of poly when viewed in this context, along with the generally limited time we set for partners outside of our relationships (I would also like to potentially investigate spending more time with B, but concerns like these hold me back, as well as additional general concerns with my relationship with B that I feel are valid).

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I understand that every relationship is different with every person, and B and I don't need to do everything or even anything that her and C do. Part of me is wondering how much is general poly insecurity on my part and how much is a fundamental gap so to speak in my relationship with B. Additionally, I'm concerned how stable my poly life with A is and will be in the future. As time goes on and I continue to grow my other relationship(s), whether with B specifically or in general, I don't know that the limited time we set aside for other partners as well as our parallel lifestyle will always be fulfilling to me.

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