u/DnBJungleEscape

I know there are a lot of posts on here wanting to learn more about life for former fence sitters.

It seems most adjust to parenthood and love it.

I think what makes us fence sitters is we think heavily of all scenarios. I’m not saying our counterparts who don’t even give it a second thought DONT but we tend to think of a lot of factors that go into parenthood and weigh out pros and cons ..

I’m more curious if anyone was on fence, had a baby, is happy, but have any “I thought that would happen and it did” shares.

My close friend wasn’t a fence sitter but she always shared if she had a kid she worried she would be strong willed like her. She loves her daughter but sure enough her kid fights her in the mornings on everything .. what she’s wearing, eating, etc. her daughter is a piston. She only wants to wear sweaters, pearls, and pleated skirts. And she only likes to eat like 5 things. My friend is a health freak and a yogi .. so she’s shared by 6am a lot of negotiating goes on lol

But she enjoys being a mom but just a reality she shared .. I know losing our individuality and hobbies really varies on the support we have

I debated not just posting this from a burner account.

I’m late 30s, no kids.

I have a career, my own place, a few degrees, etc

My bf and I got pregnant and ever since the moment I found out, it’s been pure dread. I’ve never wanted kids. I’ve def been a fence sitter but even then I’ve known in my heart I didn’t want them.

I love kids but I enjoy travel and just not having to vets take anyone.

My friends began having kids years ago and I’m sure people are happy but it seems it’s always like the “this is so hard 🤔” look followed by the posts on FB with their kiddos where things seem happy. I think these people deeply craved motherhood where I never have, ever

Of course I’ve sat on this and thought every single scenario.

My bf just lost his job, he’s got a bit of a drinking problem (we almost split months ago). People have told me to do it alone but no? Why walk into that?

We don’t have a village but even if we did, the thought that a human relies on me 100% for years just isn’t what I want. I don’t think I’ll be old and lonely

It just makes me sad I can’t be like other women who are over the moon with this news. I guess I’m someone who would seem like they wouldn’t be in this situation.

I’ve never craved motherhood. I know it’s sacrifice and a loss of freedom and stress but so many beautiful things but I just don’t want it .. my bf fully supports me

I have an apt scheduled for a surgical

I just am sad I’m not like other women. Women who get IVF just to have this. Women who have deeply craved it and don’t get it and have to mourn. I wish I could switch with them .. it’s just hard and feelin sad

I know nothing will change my mind. I know I’ll be that person posting on regretful parents, I’ve spent hours thinking that the first 6 months would ruin me I don’t want to spend all my time caretaking a baby then toddler then adult .. I’m just trying to do what’s best for all but sad I don’t want this experience

My best friend left her career to be a SAHM and I wish I was like her. Full of sacrifice

I’m lucky to say my org isn’t heavily pushing for AI use. I’m at a start up but everyone uses it so differently. We have someone leading an innovation project who will be showing us how we can leverage it. I use it for framework docs and data aggregation while others use it for writing up templates and etc

My direct report has a gem she built up based on messaging and other key areas of our business.

She’s been using to help with content writing. We work in product and partnerships and automation ..

I’ve been at my org for 7 years and she’s been there now 1 year .. I always try to help guide her when she suggests we do testing that we’ve done many times and not seen high yield activity from ..

She recently ran some high level notes one of our teams shared about their work, and sent me a 10 page AI recommendation on how to pump out language for what they shared .. they shared maybe 5-6 key findings .. so I feel what her gem gave her just didn’t make any sense for what we are trying to do !!! It over engineered the heck out of it

I even asked her to start running some tests against the recommendations it gives to see if we see an uptick in our data … I am all good with using AI but I feel this things pumping out slop and I have to step in and give context that it’s grand ideas have actually already been tested and where we need to put our efforts

How do you coach past this? I feel like a vibe killer but I need her to realize this things pumping out as many ideas as it can, and of course there are risks those things have already been done ..

I’m more like “why waste time if we’ve tested xyz like 4 times already and know it doesn’t work?” Vs upset at the AI usage .. mehhh

Anyone else experiencing some weird reliance .. she even named her and tells me to check her recommendations as if she’s a person on the team

I (39F) have been with my bf for almost 2 years. Things were good at first (famous words!) but I’ve realized he’s a bit of a functional drinker.

Maybe “ a bit “ is an understatement..

2 months ago I was considering taking space. This isn’t a situation where things are so far gone that I am just done. It’s the drinking. I don’t like when he drinks. He isn’t mean or loud but he’s another person. Also the next day.

I’m convinced he has an imbalance .. he will drink and next day be cold and quiet. It’s not him.

He’s starting a 8 week program today but this weekend he drank and came home early from work claiming he felt sick, and then had a beer 🙄

To make matters even better - I recently found out I’m pregnant.

Please - I know reading this it comes off like WTf is this woman doing, but you aren’t telling me anything I already haven’t thought before

I feel I’m living someone else’s life

I’ve done therapy after my last relationship. I’ve reflected. I’ve stayed single to better myself. You name it and I’ve done it ..

I can’t believe this is my life

I want to reiterate when he’s sober and himself he’s great …

A little context about him: he had a son young and I think his life’s just been sort of served up for him with him cruising along. What I mean is his dad pushed he get married at 24 and that ended as soon as it started .. he’s been a good dad but I just feel he’s been coddled and rescued by his big family.

I feel close now to being done but if I have this baby I don’t want my kid not having their dad. I still have my dad

How did you make a hard decision like this?

I also want to say this has gotten worse over time

I just found out I’m pregnant (late 30s). And I’m fearful to tell my mom. I love my mom and we are close but ever since I was a teen, she told me to not have kids and live my life. She always told me to have my own career and money.

She had these things but growing up in a Latin American country, when she was 26 and owned an art school and was living life, my grandma badgered her to get married and have babies.

My mom never wanted that but she did it and she was a good mom but when her and my dad split, I felt her resentment toward him. She got me therapy when I was a teen and admitted she knows she was cold sometimes or didn’t mask her resentment toward my dad but it had nothing to do with us. She lived her whole life trying to make her mom happy.

She always told me to live my life and I feel when we find out people are having babies she’s happy for them but she always tells people about how I’m the independent, educated one that’s a dog mom and not going to be a mom. She recently spent time with her partners son (her partner passed) and he was asking her about how neither I or my brother have kids. She told him how she “probably scared me out of it haha” and I said “mom did you say that?” She said he kinda gave her a look and then smiled.

I was thinking yeah probably smiled in pity lol 😣

She went on to tell him how I focused on my masters and getting my own place and etc .. it made me sad 😞 it felt that was her story she wanted to tell not mine

Anyway I’m pregnant and scared to tell her because I don’t think she’ll be happy at all ….

I feel she’ll view it as me ruining my life or in her mind she’ll think “just wait and see”

Yes I know motherhood is brutal. It’s hard. I love my freedom.

But what, I’m going to be 45 and still craving my freedom ? It’s hard either way …

I’ve always been on the fence about babies so I get her care and concern I really do

I feel she supports me for for anything else aside from this :-/

I hope the comments are kind. I’m shocked. I just found out I’m pregnant

I’m in my late 30s, I’ve been with the same partner for 1.5 years. .

He has a 21 year old son so he’s not new to this ..

I feel dread, sadness, like I’m giving up so much…

Anyone else on here feel the same when they found out and had the baby and changed their mind?

I’m in pure shock 😳