u/Doctorsaurus69

I’m hoping for some very intentional, highly informed recommendations for an exceptional trauma therapist or mental health professional in the Somerville/Bridgewater area or someone who provides virtual therapy in NJ.

I am 40F, and I have a significant, longstanding trauma history. I am at a point where I recognize that I desperately need the right professional- not simply a good general therapist.

I am specifically looking for someone with extensive clinical experience treating complex/developmental trauma, particularly involving:

•Complex/developmental trauma and childhood trauma

•Sexual trauma

•Dissociation

•Attachment trauma / insecure attachment

•Abandonment and rejection sensitivity

•Relational/interpersonal trauma

•EMDR and other evidence-based trauma modalities

•Trauma-related anxiety, rumination and intrusive thoughts

•Deeply negative self-image/shame

•Difficulty with intimacy and trust

•Trauma patterns that show up strongly in romantic relationships

I am not looking for a run-of-the-mill talk therapist who primarily does supportive therapy, general anxiety/depression treatment, etc. I have tried/considered that route before and it isn't what I need.

Why I'm being so particular:

My father has finally offered to financially help me see the right specialist after seeing how much I've struggled for years. I am also willing to take on a very significant loan from someone close to me to make this possible. That makes this a huge financial sacrifice for me. I cannot afford to spend months and thousands of dollars trying therapists who aren't appropriately qualified for this level/type of trauma.

I've already contacted multiple clinicians who appeared highly qualified based on their websites. Two have responded that they currently have zero availability, and I'm continuing to run into the same problem. So I'm hoping Reddit might be able to help me find someone I wouldn't otherwise find.

What I'm specifically asking for:

If you personally have experience with an exceptionally skilled trauma clinician in Central NJ, particularly around Somerville/Bridgewater/Basking Ridge/Morristown and surrounding areas, I would be incredibly grateful for your recommendation.

Virtual is also an option, although I am skeptical of virtual therapy and would strongly prefer in-person if the right person is available. I am willing to travel for the right clinician.

I'm especially interested in recommendations where you can say something like: "This person is genuinely exceptional with complex trauma/dissociation/attachment trauma. They aren't just someone who lists EMDR on their website."

I'm looking for depth of training, substantial clinical experience, and someone who understands complicated trauma presentations- not just someone who checks the right boxes on Psychology Today.

If you've personally worked with someone like this, know someone through the NJ trauma-treatment community, or are yourself a clinician who specializes in this area and can point me toward the right person, please tell me about them.

I am open to a psychologist, LCSW, LPC, or other appropriately credentialed professional. I'm much more concerned with actual expertise and fit than credentials alone.

Please don't recommend generic therapists simply because they treat anxiety, PTSD, or offer EMDR. I'm specifically looking for someone at a very high level of expertise with complex/developmental trauma and dissociation.

And if you've been through something similar and found someone who genuinely helped you make substantial changes- not just someone you liked- I would especially appreciate hearing about them.

I'm really struggling, and I'm finally in a position where I'm willing to make a serious investment in getting the right help. I just need help finding the right person. ❤️ Thank you.

I'm thinking the smoothly paved walkingpath areas like Peters Brook Greenway would be a great location. Anyone else new (or not new, fine by me!) roller skaters (or roller blades, etc etc) interested in this? DM me!

I'm open to all suggestions. I am a creative person, but have been struggling with my mental health. It would be very good for me to find a new hobby and stick to it. An added social/community feel would be especially beneficial to me.

I've also begun going for walks at Duke Island Park and other nearby areas after work, around 445/5PM during the week. If there are any other people hoping to do the same for the selves who'd like the company of someone with similar intention, please reach out. I'm not opposed to meeting strangers offline- but pls don't be the bad kinda weird. 😅

Thanks in advance for any responses.

I love my partner so much, and I know he loves me. We have a great relationship, but my destructive projecting, making things about me/how I feel, failing to be supportive when he needs it. It has our great strain on the relationship, time and time again, to the point where it is truly dire. My struggles are hurting him. I hurt him, despite that being the last thing I'd want to do.

I know the deeper issue is that I struggle to be happy with myself. I am still learning how to love myself and I realize maybe I.... don't actually believe I deserve to be loved. I tell myself there is something wrong with me. I am afraid I'm not pretty enough, not young enough, not smart enough.

My partner expressed concern for my inability to retain conversations we've had on these topics, and how my continuously repeating the same patterns and seeking reassurance, finding any small reasons to start believing he no longer loves me or is somehow neglecting me. Mind you, he doesn't neglect me- he's sincerely the most wonderful man and I am so in love with him, I feel so seen by him- Maybe too seen. All the parts of me I don't want to see myself. This is why I love him though and I really do want to change.

It would be really great to hear from others who have struggled IMMENSELY even perhaps up until the age of 40, like me- but who have been able to actually find/experience that "tipping point" where you made those changes, started going to the gym despite the fact that in all these years you've been unsuccessful in your attempts to be even remotely physically active, etc- and got better. For yourself, and before you lost that incredible person in your life that loves you.

And if what I'm saying here seems misguided in any way pls feel free to tell me, I need to change my mindset and want the constructive criticism/feedback if it will help me. Ty

I've recently realized I have a communication habit that I really want to work on, particularly in romantic relationships.

I sometimes narrate my internal thought process in real time and then look to the other person/interactions with them for regulation. For example, if someone gives me a short response, I might immediately wonder if something is wrong, ask another question, reconsider what I just said, explain why I said it, clarify what I meant, or check their reaction.

Basically, instead of letting a conversation naturally breathe, I sometimes feel compelled to keep checking or “repairing” it, even when there may be absolutely nothing wrong.

I'm realizing things like (\*\*\*and these are more so reminders for myself, which... I plan to reread as a constant reminder):

\--“Okay” can just mean okay.

\--A heart reaction can be enough of a response.

\--Not every text (social media links, random things like that) needs to turn into a conversation.

\--If someone is tired or quiet, I don't need to create connection before letting the conversation end.

\--Silence doesn't automatically mean something has changed between us.

\--I don't need to explain every thought or feeling the moment I have it.

The frustrating part is that I can actually feel myself doing this, and sometimes I'm annoyed by my own communication while I'm doing it. I imagine it can probably feel like a lot for the other person too. In fact, I know it is. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now, and I'm still doing these things, constantly.

I don't want advice about playing hard to get, intentionally texting less, or pretending not to care. I'm looking for ways to become more comfortable with normal conversational uncertainty and learn to regulate the discomfort internally instead of immediately bringing it into the interaction.

Has anyone successfully worked on this? What actually helped you change the habit?

I'd especially love recommendations for podcasts, books, exercises, therapy concepts/modalities, or even specific terms I could research that address this particular pattern. Thank you 😌

I never felt seen/heard by my parents and suffered a lot of abuse/trauma growing up. My healing journey started with me finding opportunities to chat with/confide in strangers online.

It started with an online chatroom I found, something straight forward like "freedepressionchatroom.com" or something. We're talking... 2000, 2001 at best. I was 13 years old.

I'd talk to people in that chatroom, often the same people, frequently. I would login as soon as I got home from school. I finally felt like people were listening to me and that it mattered what I was going through. It became necessary for me to find ways to articulate all of my experiences at that time.

Four years later, Facebook becomes a thing. Senior year of high school/freshman year of college. I'd constantly be posting in different trauma/depression support groups.

I'm now 40 years old. I feel like I can't stop narrating what I'm emotionally going through and how I'm still struggling to overcome these deep, deep traumas I experienced in my younger years. Desperately feeling like I need to articulate to everyone how it affects me to this day. I try to understand why I do this and how to stop feeling like I need other people to understand exactly what is happening inside of me.

And I'm realizing this isn't just about being open or liking to talk about my feelings. It feels almost compulsive sometimes. Something happens, I have an emotional reaction, and I immediately want to articulate it to someone. Then I might explain why I'm feeling it, where I think it comes from, what I'm worried it means, what I meant when I said something, how I think the other person interpreted me, etc. I can end up narrating my emotional experience in real time instead of just... experiencing it.

And I'm starting to wonder if this is something I learned very young because being heard by other people was how I learned to process what was happening to me. When nobody at home was helping me make sense of my emotions or experiences, strangers on the internet did. Having someone witness what I was going through made it feel real and valid.

But I don't want to need that anymore.

I don't want to become emotionally closed off or stop talking about what I feel. I just want to learn how to have an emotion without immediately needing to explain it. I want to be able to sit with something, understand it myself, and let it exist without needing another person to fully understand it too.

I especially notice this in close relationships. If I'm anxious or hurt, I can feel this overwhelming need to explain everything happening internally. Then I worry about how what I said was received, which creates another emotional reaction that I want to explain, and suddenly I'm stuck in this exhausting loop.

I think what I'm trying to learn is how to feel like my own witnessing of my experience is enough.

Has anyone else who grew up with trauma/emotional neglect experienced this?

I'm especially interested in hearing from people who recognized this pattern in themselves and actually got better at it. What helped you learn to process emotions internally without suppressing them? How did you learn to tolerate the feeling of not explaining yourself?

I'd also really appreciate recommendations for books, podcasts, specific therapy approaches, exercises, or anything else that helped. I don't want to stop being an emotionally expressive person. I just don't want expressing everything to feel like something I have to do in order to feel okay.

Sorry for writing novels. I'm kind of doing EXACTLY what I just said I don't want to do anymore... But, alas. Post

I've recently realized I have a communication habit that I really want to work on, particularly in romantic relationships.

I sometimes narrate my internal thought process in real time and then look to the other person/interactions with them for regulation. For example, if someone gives me a short response, I might immediately wonder if something is wrong, ask another question, reconsider what I just said, explain why I said it, clarify what I meant, or check their reaction.

Basically, instead of letting a conversation naturally breathe, I sometimes feel compelled to keep checking or “repairing” it, even when there may be absolutely nothing wrong.

I'm realizing things like (***and these are more so reminders for myself, which... I plan to reread as a constant reminder):

--“Okay” can just mean okay.

--A heart reaction can be enough of a response.

--Not every text (social media links, random things like that) needs to turn into a conversation.

--If someone is tired or quiet, I don't need to create connection before letting the conversation end.

--Silence doesn't automatically mean something has changed between us.

--I don't need to explain every thought or feeling the moment I have it.

The frustrating part is that I can actually feel myself doing this, and sometimes I'm annoyed by my own communication while I'm doing it. I imagine it can probably feel like a lot for the other person too. In fact, I know it is. I've been with my boyfriend for 7 months now, and I'm still doing these things, constantly.

I don't want advice about playing hard to get, intentionally texting less, or pretending not to care. I'm looking for ways to become more comfortable with normal conversational uncertainty and learn to regulate the discomfort internally instead of immediately bringing it into the interaction.

Has anyone successfully worked on this? What actually helped you change the habit?

I'd especially love recommendations for podcasts, books, exercises, therapy concepts/modalities, or even specific terms I could research that address this particular pattern. Thank you 😌