till 12th standard i was a home rat. my parents rarely allowed me to go outside for playing or anything. i used to study a lot, it didnt bother me then. i had confidence that i can study anything efficiently and if i put my heart into it, i could crack any exam.
then i cracked the exam. i was going to be a doctor. i entered medschool. i scored more than million students to get into a very prestigious medschool. i got fame. now everybody started believing in me. in my childhood, everybody paid attention to my big brother, who was very clever, no one expected anything from me. they just wanted me to do good on exams, nothing excellent. but i cracked the medschool enterance exam and all the focus shifted on me. suddenly i was a favourite child.
till 12th i was among the group of studious children. i called myself backbencher and eccentric, but i was never one, and it took me 6 years to understand that.
when i joined medschool i got a expensive phone, some money to spare, family support, and independence. for someone who used to play games on phone hiding from his parents and never heard about what webseries or anime is, i had no control on myself.
i was always among studious students, the focused ones. and medschool hit me hard. till 12th there was no concept of proxie attendance, but in medschool proxy was easy, friends were cooperative and for someone who never skipped class ever, it was suddenly fun to flunk the classes. professional courses have wide variety of students. some genius , some hard workers, those who know everyone at campus, 1 day before exam genius, back bencher genius.... the list goes on. i was a hardworking genius till 12th, and i forgot about that in medschool.
i used to game day and night, watch webseries, watch anime. sheesh, i never masturbated untill i got into medschool, i didnt know how to. and boy i fell into that shit hole.
proxies were going nicely, found backbencher friends who did not pay attention in classes, and for me who learns majority stuff from lectures , even more than reading by myself. i never paid attention in classes, i thought i was a back bencher genius.
The one great mistake that i blame for not making good friends ( like minded) is that i did not go to medschool for first 14 days as i was so ill. i was out of my state for the first time, the food was different. i missed on making good friends, the groups were already formed. and my downfall was coming.
in medschool many students fail in exams. i took it literally and never studied. i did not consider that the exams are so hard that people are failing despite studying, and here i thought i was playing the system. i really should have made some hard working studious friends like i did till 12th grade.
i have completed my medschool now with lots of hiccups. i am chaged as a person. now i am stuck in a limbo, now i am neither studious nor a back bencher genius. i have my post graduation enterance exams in few months and i dont feel the same confidence and zeel that i had when i preparing for my medschool enterance in 12th.
i wish i never had any back bencher genius friends, its not their fault its mine obviously. i am preparing myself again, hope i do well.