Any suggestions? It’s super important, and will dictate some large life changes if I’m hearing what I think I hear. It’s a typical mp4 video form a camera. What software would you use?
I’m so lost and it’s crushing me. It’s a long read but please help a guy out.
Backstory:
6 years ago, started dating. All good. She broke up with me for another person. I date someone else. She comes back. We try again after some time. There’s some bleed over between the two, she calls it cheating. I own up to it.
We continue to work on relationship, stay together. Trust is hard to repair and takes time. We’re both committed to it. Nothing happens since then, completely changed and a better man. We buy a house, get engaged, have a kid. All of these things she’s on board for. We still have rocky fights, but she never leaves despite making statements from time to time that she is done. Went to counseling about 2 years ago, doesn’t go well. She doesn’t do the homework most of the time. Therapist holds her accountable for a lot of stuff that she wasn’t a fan about, and we address relationship issues. At the end of it they basically say “while OP has made mistakes he’s paying for, you chose to stay and do huge life things like kids. So you obviously want to be here. It’s clear you have trama from other issues before OP that’s effecting this relationship. Let’s get you solo counseling with me or someone else”. As you can guess, she thinks the therapist is wrong and doesn’t ever do it.
About 10 months ago things just fall off. She seems unhappy, intimacy complete falls off, she doesn’t want to kiss me, hold hands, nothing. I think she just needs time because she has a ton of other life stress, work stress, and family issues on her plate. She is a very independent woman who has a hard time accepting help. Won’t ask for it. I’m supportive as I can be, and we parent the children (10 and 2) without issues. I notice the rings come off her finger and never go back on. She starts feeling horrid, and goes to the doctor. Doc diagnoses her with a disease, with his attributed to stress (hashimotos if you want to look it up). Requires large lifestyle changes. She takes better care of herself, looks better, loses weight, etc. she’s always hated how she looks and never takes photos ever. Like less than 10 in 6 years. Also horrid texter, like 450 pending texts she doesn’t respond to (didn’t apply to me, this is important later). She begins blaming the disease 100% on the trauma of the relationship and that it’s my fault. She eventually says she needs to only focus on herself and the kids, and for now we need to be roomates because she doesn’t have the mental capacity to work on the relationship.
I continue to make efforts to reconnect and am shut down at every turn. She stops texting unless it’s about the kids. Phone calls are dry and she sounds annoyed. Any efforts at addressing issues is addressed with her being extremely defensive. Other behavior changes and I get suspicious. Then I find things like her taking selfies and sending them to another work friend who is married. They text often, call often. I confront her that it makes me uncomfortable, she blows me off and says she can send harmless selfies to whoever. If it’s nudes I would have a say, but otherwise no. I tell her it’s just disrespectful to me, she says she doesn’t agree. I find other stuff like questionable saved photos, access to her photos and texts are now locked up, and she changes her stuff to passwords I don’t know (we share all passwords). Now she wants to do a mom weekend away at a spa by herself in another city. There’s some questionable details (hair getting done and waxing she never does prior to going) about that trip but nothing hard and fast.
I feel like I’m going crazy because it’s red flags all over. However she denies like crazy. To her credit, she’s always been 100% honest and transparent so she uses that as justification. She also said if something was happening, she wouldn’t be living with me and the kids or sleeping in the same bed. She also keeps asking why I’m trying to hard now when “nothing has changed”.
I just want my family back. I want her back to her old self. Am I insane? Am I spiraling? She is having an emotional affair? Do I call this dude and confront? His wife? I’m about to just call her to the carpet and ask for straight answers. Other people I’ve talked to believe she is.
I don’t know you and you don’t know me. Let me have it.
I’m so lost and it’s crushing me. It’s a long read but please help a guy out.
Backstory:
6 years ago, started dating. All good. She broke up with me for another person. I date someone else. She comes back. We try again after some time. There’s some bleed over between the two, she calls it cheating. I own up to it.
We continue to work on relationship, stay together. Trust is hard to repair and takes time. We’re both committed to it. Nothing happens since then, completely changed and a better man. We buy a house, get engaged, have a kid. All of these things she’s on board for. We still have rocky fights, but she never leaves despite making statements from time to time that she is done. Went to counseling about 2 years ago, doesn’t go well. She doesn’t do the homework most of the time. Therapist holds her accountable for a lot of stuff that she wasn’t a fan about, and we address relationship issues. At the end of it they basically say “while OP has made mistakes he’s paying for, you chose to stay and do huge life things like kids. So you obviously want to be here. It’s clear you have trama from other issues before OP that’s effecting this relationship. Let’s get you solo counseling with me or someone else”. As you can guess, she thinks the therapist is wrong and doesn’t ever do it.
About 10 months ago things just fall off. She seems unhappy, intimacy complete falls off, she doesn’t want to kiss me, hold hands, nothing. I think she just needs time because she has a ton of other life stress, work stress, and family issues on her plate. She is a very independent woman who has a hard time accepting help. Won’t ask for it. I’m supportive as I can be, and we parent the children (10 and 2) without issues. I notice the rings come off her finger and never go back on. She starts feeling horrid, and goes to the doctor. Doc diagnoses her with a disease, with his attributed to stress (hashimotos if you want to look it up). Requires large lifestyle changes. She takes better care of herself, looks better, loses weight, etc. she’s always hated how she looks and never takes photos ever. Like less than 10 in 6 years. Also horrid texter, like 450 pending texts she doesn’t respond to (didn’t apply to me, this is important later). She begins blaming the disease 100% on the trauma of the relationship and that it’s my fault. She eventually says she needs to only focus on herself and the kids, and for now we need to be roomates because she doesn’t have the mental capacity to work on the relationship.
I continue to make efforts to reconnect and am shut down at every turn. She stops texting unless it’s about the kids. Phone calls are dry and she sounds annoyed. Any efforts at addressing issues is addressed with her being extremely defensive. Other behavior changes and I get suspicious. Then I find things like her taking selfies and sending them to another work friend who is married. They text often, call often. I confront her that it makes me uncomfortable, she blows me off and says she can send harmless selfies to whoever. If it’s nudes I would have a say, but otherwise no. I tell her it’s just disrespectful to me, she says she doesn’t agree. I find other stuff like questionable saved photos, access to her photos and texts are now locked up, and she changes her stuff to passwords I don’t know (we share all passwords). Now she wants to do a mom weekend away at a spa by herself in another city. There’s some questionable details (hair getting done and waxing she never does prior to going) about that trip but nothing hard and fast.
I feel like I’m going crazy because it’s red flags all over. However she denies like crazy. To her credit, she’s always been 100% honest and transparent so she uses that as justification. She also said if something was happening, she wouldn’t be living with me and the kids or sleeping in the same bed.
I just want my family back. I want her back to her old self. Am I insane? Am I spiraling? She is having an emotional affair? Do I call this dude and confront? His wife? I’m about to just call her to the carpet and ask for straight answers. Other people I’ve talked to believe she is.
I don’t know you and you don’t know me. Let me have it.