u/Downtown_Pianist9025

I had a flashback to one of the most embarassing moments of my life. Blocked my ex cause he never changed his micro-cheating behavior, a month after I'd downloaded tg and saw him there so it triggered a bunch of bad memories, I couldn't control my impulse, so I went to our instagram messages where 3 months ago he'd sent me a reel about being loyal and pettily replied something along the lines of "Yeah thinking of other women you mean." Deleted it a few minutes later. I hadn't actually known he'd had gotten into an official relationship 2 months ago so it made me look like an obsessive narcissistic ex. Anyway long story short I'm just mortified I did that.

So I (F21) broke up with my narcissistic ex(M20) around 5 months ago because he isolated and gaslit me for 3 years of my college life and he kept micro cheating on me, without genuine apology, only directing the blame onto me and justifying his actions, to the point where I became incredibly manic in arguments and I began mirroring his toxic behavior. We were very sweet in the beginning, but our final year we were just reopening each other's wounds constantly. I reminded him that him badmouthing me to my bestfriend who cut me off made me want to *** myself and he never gave a genuine apology without trying to justify what he did. I left him, and we kept contact for 2 more months. I stupidly held onto the hope that he'd change. that he'd ask for a second chance. He was my first for everything and I wanted a future with him if he just acknowledged the trauma he gave me. but I looked at his following and realized he still never made the move to unfollow girls who've had feelings for him so I blocked him because I didn't want to entertain the thought of him entertaining them. stupid.

A few months after that the new year began, everyone I knew shifted courses because they couldn't take the workload anymore. This threw me into a state of numbness and depression. I planned to *** myself some time that month and I wrote a short loving message to my childhood friends overseas who I hadn't talked to in a year. They immediately called me as I was sat up in bed staring at the wall thinking of using a rope in the garage.

I'm glad they picked up. I told them everything.

I still thought of him sometimes. I decided to transfer to my second-choice program, nursing. This decision made my parents scold me because I only had 2 years left to graduate since it's a 5-year course, but I just couldn't take the workload of architecture when my friends all transferred. I reasoned that it was getting bad for my mental health. The drawback was that they just wanted to enroll me in the university where he and his girlfriend were enrolled in because my sister was there.

I know I've mentioned this in other sub reddits, but my friend told me 3 months after I began processing the transfer that my ex had gotten into a serious relationship with someone new. It's been 2 months since they began dating and they've introduced each other to their families, which made me realize I was the only one being loyal for no reason. He even told her I was the toxic one.

I broke down on call with my friend, sobbing, begging for answers to no one in particular. Why did he call me toxic when I gave everything? Why doesn't he realize he traumatized me? Why does he get to move on in 2 months while I stupidly believed his lies that he'd focus on school? Why did I think he'd change for me? And the worst part is, she had better circumstances than I did. She didn't have strict parents so her whole family met him, he got to see her everyday. My whole world reset back to 0 and he was graduating with her. He's just a guy but I've been sobbing and dealing with heartbreak and grief for close to a month now.

I considered therapy but it's so expensive. I begged God to take my pain away and let me forget the man whose been the center of my life for 3 years. I'm focusing on myself and my training but it's not like I have friends always available after he isolated me. I'm so close to having a mental breakdown.

OP (21 F)
Ex (20 M)

I broke up with my ex of 3 yrs about 5 months ago mid-november. We kept in occasional contact until January, where I blocked him everywhere because he really hadn't unfollowed the girls that had crushes on him whereas I would never do that knowing I'm in a relationship.

Fast forward 3 months, it's april, my bestfriend informs me he has a new gf, they've been dating 2 months, they've both been introduced to their families, and he told the new gf I was the "toxic" one. I tell my little sister and she gets shocked he has someone new, as he's been checking in and chatting with her about mundane stuff, even borrowing our badminton rackets last week. He asked her if I was really going to become an anesthesiologist bc I put it in my IG bio on march 14. this is weird to me because typically exes should cut all contact with family members if the breakup was on bad terms.

I check my messenger and am surprised to see he sent a deleted message from him on february 11 despite being blocked. he sent a deleted message on february 25 on Spotify. He hasn't removed himself from our shared playlists nor has he unfollowed my private playlist. I recieved this familiar greeting that only he really does from an unknown number on april 7 but I can't confirm it as him. I recieved a deleted message from him again on spotify on may 2.

at this point I'm like.. it's not definitive evidence of cheating but it just feels wrong.

TDLR: Ex keeps sending deleted messages and keeps connection with my sister even though he has a new gf. what to do?

OP (21 F)
Ex (20 M)
length: 3 years

I broke up with my ex about 5 months ago mid-november. We kept in occasional contact until January, where I blocked him everywhere because he really hadn't unfollowed the girls that had crushes on him whereas I never even followed people of the opposite sex.

Fast forward 3 months, it's april, my bestfriend informs me he has a new gf, they've been dating 2 months, they've both been introduced to their families, and he told the new gf I was the "toxic" one. I tell my little sister and she gets shocked he has someone new, as he's been checking in and chatting with her, borrowing our badminton rackets last week. He asked her if I was really going to become an anesthesiologist bc I put it in my IG bio mid march. this is weird to me because typically exes should cut all contact with family members if the breakup was on bad terms.

I check my messenger and am surprised to see he sent a deleted message from him on february 11 despite being blocked. he sent a deleted message on february 25 on Spotify. He hasn't removed himself from our shared playlists nor has he unfollowed my private playlist. I recieved this familiar greeting that only he really does from an unknown number on april 7. I recieved a deleted message from him again on spotify on may 2.

at this point I'm like.. it's not definitive evidence of cheating but it's just weird af

TDLR: Ex keeps sending deleted messages and keeps connection with my sister even though he has a new gf. what to do?

I broke up with my first, long-term serious (3 yrs) bf 5 months ago, mid-November. I was friendless in 3rd year college because of his toxicity/controlling tendencies since he was in another university and couldn't "guard" me, and because everyone either shifted courses or transferred. He was the only person i talked to. He constantly kept microcheating. Even though we were both fixing our issues and there was evidence we were improving, I dumped him because my resentment eventually accumulated and blew up when he decided not to inform me where he was going or if he'd even went home for two hours after his exams and made my reaction the problem. I told him that I knew him, that he'd immediately find someone else. He never fought my decision to break up.

At first I felt peaceful. He'd try to constantly talk to me, but he never asked for a second chance, never tried to visit my house but would ask me to meet up and update me on his day. I was dry with my responses or never responded at all. But then all the good memories, the reminder that he has all my "firsts" and the lovebombing came back and I asked him to be friends again on January in hopes that we heal and eventually get together. He said yes but we needed 'boundaries.' Guess I now knew why.

I blocked him on january after finding out he literally just never unfollowed girls that he knew liked him. somehow, even though I'd blocked him, his messages after showed up as deleted (on february). that was the last I'd heard of him.

At this point I also finalized my decision to transfer schools for my mental health, but I needed to wait half a year to enroll so I was basically holed up in my room for a while doing autoCAD comms. fast forward a few months later I was in his apartment's street running errands. I hadn't noticed that a motorcyclist wearing his school uniform was in front of me, and i started having a bad feeling that that was him. I wasn't sure because he didn't own a motorcycle before. a week later i checked my text messages and realized i recieved a message on that same date from an unknown number asking how i was. i ignored it.

Then came the worst 3 weeks of my life. Suddenly, my bestfriend told me in April last month that he'd been dating someone for 2 months and they were both introduced to each other's families already, and that he told his new gf that I was toxic, which made me spiral badly. He only met my mom but not my dad so I had to hide the relationship but I was open about it online. it helped me delete every message, every playlist, every image in grief because some small part of me hoped he'd change for me, that we'd be sweet again just like at the start. But when I went to look through my spotify I'd realized he reached out to me with a deleted message on february 25, just weeks before he got with his new gf. I thought of the unknown number. he'd also hid his highlights of her from our old mutuals/classmates.

my sister broke the news that he'd asked about me in march but wasn't allowed to tell me. he kept his connection with her which she immediately cut off after finding out what he did. he kept borrowing our badminton rackets despite talking bad about me which made me rage. I couldn't stop myself from stalking them for weeks, hoping for some sign that he gets karma, even though i knew it was unhealthy. everyone told me I looked prettier than the new girl but looks didn't matter to me when she looked so happy. the final nail in the coffin was probably when they changed pfps and its clear it's from their intimate night date at a place he's never taken me to (most likely a hotel where couples.. you know) alongside finding a private account where they presumably uploaded pictures of them. we never had that. out of defeat, i sent him a message on spotify addressing what he said about me and that he should treat her better, that i told him i didn't hold grudges and that i wished him well. he said he was happy.

it just hurts so bad. i keep grieving.

my bestfriend also told me his new girl had the exact same name as me, and was close to giving up in their relationship some time in april because she experienced the same controlling tendencies he had. but it didn't make me feel better because they were still together a month later. I just feel like I built a man for another woman. he sent a deleted spotify message that i never saw on may 2, which made me think it was either him sending me THEIR playlist or it was just some weird power move from him. a day later he posted a story of them on a date.

I wasted 3 years of my academic and romantic life for someone who replaced me in 2 months, weeks even going by the february message.

he doesn't owe me loyalty but this was my first relationship and I feel like I'm too traumatized to love again. how do you get over being replaced so quick?