TL:DR >!about half of them.!<

With Magic Initiate: Wizard allowing all classes access to Find Familiar at level 1, I figured I'd look into the familiars' key trait of being able to deliver Touch spells on your behalf.

I was initially concerned with seeing if it continued to be useful as you gained levels, as the wisdom I had gleaned from my previous Familiar post was that it tended to wane in effectiveness as CR rises, but in truth there was still some basic utility to it up to 9th level spells.

Let's dive on in!

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Cantrips

Chill Touch

> While its name makes more sense now, making this cantrip a melee spell attack is a decided nerf from its previous 120 ft range. A familiar lets you undo that nerf.

Guidance

> There are many times where you would wish to support someone without actually being next to them, particularly when you do not wish other people to know that the supported person's skills are currently being augmented with magic.

Light

> A Familiar is already a fantastic scout, but making/giving them a light source is a fantastic bit of hands-free utility.

Mending

> You'd be surprised how often you may wish to repair things that are in awkward out-of-reach positions.

Resistance

> This cantrip is at its best against AoE hazards. Your familiar will typically die in these scenarios, and casting Resistance is less effective than simply not having it be present in the moment. Still, sometimes you need your familiar out anyway, and this is more effective at keeping them alive than Mage Armor

Shocking Grasp

> Turning off a creature's Opportunity Attacks is fantastic for a mage getting out of melee. Doing it through your familiar lets you save your allies as well.

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1st Level

Cure Wounds

So, the obvious comparison here is Healing Word. But as it turns out:

• 2d8×lvl > 2d4×lvl
• 100 ft > 60 ft
• Sometimes you have a Bonus Action to use
• Sometimes you're healing out of combat at range

Heroism

Dispelling the Frightened condition is best done at range. This is also the lowest leveled spell that upcasts to more targets, which raises the following question.

> A Familiar can spend its reaction to deliver the touch of a spell for you. But what happens if you would touch multiple targets? Can you split the touched targets between your familiar and your own hands simultaneously, or does casting through the familiar replace your touch?

> This is unclear to me, but there are several affected spells which improve drastically if this is the case.

Identify

"So, you touch it?"
"Nope."

Jump

As a spellcaster, you usually have good tools for spending spell slots to avoid making traversal checks. In the case where your allies fail this check, it's often better to send a flying familiar down to magically assist rather than spending an additional 2 spell slots crossing and re-crossing to deliver a touch yourself. Faster, too.

Protection from Evil and Good

Dispelling an ally's Charm/Possession is best done from outside their effective range, as is the part where you're granting disadvantage from what are usually melee combatants.

404 error: Spell Not Found

> ^(The spells I deem asynergetic with a familiar will be listed in a comment. I did not forget them. The dividing line is Goodberry, where a familiar is helpful in delivering berries you kept in your pocket, but absurd to consider in the casting of the spell. Whole new meaning to Owl Pellets there, blech.)

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2nd Level

Arcane Lock

Familiars make for fantastic scouts, and this is peak hijinx if you've the material components to burn. Just remember to tell your party the password. Locking a door or window that may produce enemies on an inexcessible elevation is also fantastic.

Continual Flame

If you're ever casting this spell rather than just buying 50gp of mundane light sources, it's because you intend to illuminate something for the long-haul. A familiar would allow you to create ceiling lights in this fashion.

Death Armor

If someone needs advantage on death saving throws and reflective damage against melee, it sounds like they're in a dangerous position and you should keep your distance. However, you probably pre-cast this with Circle Casting to avoid spending an Onyx.

Dragon's Breath

Cast Dragon's Breath on the Familiar to give them an offensive option. You probably already knew this combo, but if you didn't I'm glad to tell you this gets around the attack restriction!

Enhance Ability

This is good for the same reason Guidance is.

Invisibility

If you can split targets when upcasting, this is EXTREMELY good. It's still useful if you can't, though.

Lesser Restoration

While Blindness and Deafness can happen to anyone, Paralysis and Poison tend to happen to frontliners. You also really don't want ANY of these effects and so want to keep your distance

Protection from Poison

This is less flexible than Lesser Restoration, but it's arguments still apply here.

Rope Trick

Rope Trick is a shenanigans-heavy spell, and being able to set the shenanigans Over There rather than Right Here grants great flexibility.

Spider Climb

Apropos to be delivered by an actual Spider and shares the logic of Jump with the split-casting of Heroism

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3rd Level

Bestow Curse

The fact that this is touch is the reason that most people don't take it. Used with a Familiar it becomes the most devastating debuff spell available at this level.

Feign Death

Combo with Charm Person to knock someone out for an hour at range. Combo with a venomous familiar (e.g. Scorpion) for cinema's sake.

Fly

See also: Spider Climb

Gaseous Form

See also: Spider Climb. Also you can save allies who are actively in danger of death with this, so doing this with a greater effective range also provides a great deal of safety to your party.

Glyph of Warding

Plant your trap on the ceiling to make it more difficult for the enemy to see and/or dispel

Protection from Energy

See: Resistance

Remove Curse

Most curses give you time to touch them yourself. However, suppressing a cursed item can end a room's hazard, so clever dungeon makers plant those in places you can't reach.

Revivify

A location where your ally died is definitionally deadly. The tight deadline of this also means that the range and speed of a Familiar is worth even more

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4th, 5th, and 6th Level

Freedom of Movement

See also: Spider-Climb. This one in particular is at its most useful when combined with a highly mobile familiar, particularly in undersea ventures.

Greater Invisibility

See also: Invisibility

Stone Shape

Shaping Stone you cannot reach can provide light, fresh air, or just stop the hazard that's killing you from above.

Contagion

If you're casting this, you want to do so from range. It's also very thematic for certain familiars.

Drawmij's Instant Summons

A familiar is very useful in using this spell to steal something worth more than a 1000 gp sapphire.

True Seeing

In the rare event where you need to cast this in combat, you can't really afford to spend extra turns getting to your target with movement.

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7th, 8th, and 9th Level

Regenerate

If you're casting this spell in combat, it's on a frontliner who is yo-yoing. That sounds a dangerous position to be in, and not one you want to touch.

Sequester

See: Feign Death

Symbol

See: Glyph of Warding

Mind Blank

If you're using this to cleanse the Charmed condition, they've definitely been Dominated at this level, so getting close is probably a bad idea.

Foresight

When selecting a Champion in this way, a familiar lets you have a larger net to choose from.

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So yes, the pool from which to use your Familiar dwindles as levels go up, and the amount of value your Familiar adds requires more niche applications at those levels.

Still, the feature itself maintains potency so long as you are squishy and creative!

Galatea was the statue that Aphrodite brought to life for Pygmalion

I'm also in my mid-late 30s

Thus far, there are 33 potential Familiars printed into 5.5e: 1 in the DMG, 8 from Pact of the chain, and 24 cr0 Beasts printed in both the PHB and MM.

Oddly we haven't had any new entries printed since then, though I did include the more recent offerings in my search.

Obviously, not all of these are created equally, and so I've split them into seperate discussions.

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Flavor Picks

Not all of these are as bad as each other, but if you land in this category you're merely unoptimal. You grab them because you're excited about the story you want to tell despite the stats in the book, not because of them. You can still have great success, but they're far less likely to be useful in combat.

• Eagle
• Baboon
• Crab
• Cat
• Lizard
• Jackal
• Scorpion
• Spider
• Hawk
• Piranha
• Frog
• Seahorse

Even among these, there are choices I adore and almost made it into other categories.

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The Mounts

These familiars can be ridden!
A smaller subset can even be ridden with speeds your PC might not otherwise have.
Three of them are even rideable into combat!

• Giant Fly ^(DMG 261). 4th highest HP overall, highest survivability without Pact of the Chain, and is capable of being ridden by Medium and smaller creatures, this is the mount you'd want to use in Combat.
• Deer. The Agile trait getting you out of melee without an opportunity attack is doing some real heavy lifting here, and is worth being a Small PC for.
• Vulture. Less survivable than the Giant Fly, but a much better Scout. Worth considering as a Small PC.
• Skeleton Theoretically rideable by a Small PC, but we'll get to it in another category.
• Goat. Hey, at least it's got a climb speed.
• Hyena

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Noncombat Toolboxes

You're not taking these with any intention of using them in combat, but they're sufficiently strong outside of combat not to be judged on that insufficiency.

• Badger. Burrowing Speed makes for unique exploration opportunities, even if it's slow.
• Raven. Unironically a fantastic choice with Investment of the Chain Master due to the confusion a clever mage can make with Mimicry.
• Slaad Tadpole. Easily the worst of the Chain Pact options, but it's also a faster-burrowing and healthier/resistant Badger option.
• Weasel. It's proficient with 3 skills, which means it can take the Help action on those 3 skills. Stealth and Perception are easily come by, but getting advantage on Acrobatics is very nice indeed. It's also got the highest stealth of any familiar that can't turn Invisibile, which is nice.

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Combat Toolboxes

Unlike the previous category, these toolboxes have enough wherewithal to be able to be a force in combat as well, though not offensively.

• Bat. 60 ft of Blindsight sets up fantastic combos, such as with the Darkness or Fog Cloud spells, and also hoses the Invisibile condition.
• Giant Fire Beetle. Half the blindsight radius of the Bat, but it's also a hands-and-concentration-free Light Source. Every party has at least one nightblind fool in it, and between the blindsight and saving yourself a Cantrip choice makes this a strong choice.
• Octopus. If you're going to be underwater, Ink Cloud, Compression and Stealth Expertise make this a formidible choice for delivering spells safely.
• Owl. Sure, it's got a hit point, but the 60 ft flyspeed and Flyby mean that some enemy's got to bolt the bird. And with expertise in Perception & Stealth, and with 120 ft of darkvision, this thing is a house out of combat as well.
• Quasit. While its pile of resistances and immunities couple with the highest HP in the category to make this the hardest familiar to kill, it's also in this category for its ability to keep 1 enemy poisoned round after round, and for that phenomenal Scare ability. It's also one of three scouts that can go fully Invisibile.
• Rat. The tiny size meaning it can share spaces with medium creatures coupled with the Agile ability mean that enemies really have to go out of their way to kill this thing. And while Owls are frequently targeted by ranged attacks for being in the wide-opened sky when they've proven annoying enough, Rats frequently have full cover from such targeting due to being terrestrial.
• Sprite. The king of scouting, and the absolute most reliable choice for delivering touch spells to the enemy. Invisibility + Stealth Expertise + Flight goes crazy. Heart Sight is also a surefire way to see through shenanigans that are hidden even from Blindsight - the Sprite can figure out who's Hostile, who's Illusory, and who's Extraplanar. Also, while Charming Bow isn't good, it still makes the sprite one of only two familiars with a ranged attack. Out of combat, it also has the most language proficiencies, making it excellent at observing conversations and reporting back without you needing to be paying attention at the time.

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Firepower

These are all gotten from Pact of the Chain, and all of them are decent offensively in addition to any out-of-combat effects they may have.

• Imp. The final creature that can turn invisible, the Highest DPR, barely behind the Sprite as far as delivering touch spells, the 3rd hardest to kill, and throw in the Bat's ability to combo. The Shapeshifting feature is also useful for plausible deniability when you want to show you have a familiar but not what variety.
• Pseudodragon. Sadly, the Multiattack feature doesn't work with Investment of the Chain Master. Fortunately, the Sting ability certainly does, and knocking a creature unconcious as the familiar's action is worth the risk of bringing a 10 HP creature to a fight even at later levels. Also, it doesn't even technically count as an attack, so you still have your Bonus Action available for other things.
• Skeleton. Highest damage Ranged Attack among familiars, and most DMs will let you improve the skeleton by swapping out its Gear.
• Sphinx of Wonder. 2nd hardest to kill & 2nd highest damage by 1 hp and 1 average damage apiece, more Helpful than the Weasel due to having proficiency in Arcana, Religion, and Stealth, and of course Burst of Ingenuity. This guy is better than a full party member until Tier 2, and is a valuable companion for a long time afterwards.
• Venomous Snake. 8 expected damage is decent, and 10 ft of blindsight is worth mentioning. It belongs in this category, but barely.

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I hope you enjoyed this conversation starter, and I also hope you can see why I didn't make it a Tier List.

Build

Ranger 1, Cleric 3 (Trickery)

• Magic Initiate (Wizard) origin feat, netting me Find Familiar, True Strike, and Minor Illusion
• Orcish species

Yes, I know the ranger dip wasn't optimal, but it fits well with what the character has gone through.

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The Question:

• What shenanigans are available to a third level Trickery Cleric with a Familiar?
• What further shenanigans become available due to the Ranger dip (if any)?

There are 49 weapons (+3 quasai-weapons) listed in the 2024 PHB and DMG, and another 7 printed in 5.0 that have yet to be reprinted.

There's only 7 bad options in all that list: the Longsword, Battleaxe, Morningstar, Flail, Light Hammer, Blowgun, and Hoopak. Of these, only the Morningstar and Blowgun are strictly worse than their betters- the others at least change the damage type, opening up the Slasher and Crusher feats.

Our weapon configurations are:

Melee

• 2-handed Close
  • Greatclub, Maul, Greatsword, and Greataxe all have different Masteries
  • Greatclub is the only Simple weapon with the Push mastery, which can be more important than the Versatile weapons that share its expected damage.
  • The Double-Bladed Scimitar, while being the most expensive and secondleast damaging option, is also the highest damage option that isn't Heavy, comes with the benefit of a bonus-action attack without needing to be a Polearm, gets the largest benefit from the Great Weapon fighting style, and comes with a same-book Feat that allows it to be finesse. Truly, its comparison may come to Dual Wielding, where it outshines all comers that don't have weapon mastery.
• 2-handed Reach
  • Lance, Pike, Glaive, and Halberd all have different masteries
  • Lance can also be wielded one-handed while mounted, making it extremely unique, despite the perception of rarely being used on foot.
• Versatile
  • Warhammer, War Pick, & Trident are the best value for their masteries
  • Spear and Quarterstaff are also worth taking for being Simple
  • Our highest profile "Bad Weapons" are therefore arguably the most archetypal - the Longsword is a slashing War Pick that costs 3 times as much, and the Battleaxe is a slashing Trident that costs twice as much and can't be thrown.
• 1-handed
  • The Versatile weapons slide in just fine here as well, as when wielded thus they have the same damage dice as these.
  • The Morningstar and Flail are bad for being expensive ^(x2 and x3 respectively) and non-versatile equivalents of the War Pick.
  • The Rapier is on par with the Versatile weapons for being Finesse and for adding a new mastery to the mix.
  • The Javelin throws a d6, and therefore on par with wielding the other simple one-handed non-light weapons, but has a massive thrown range
  • The Whip and Torch, though being low damage, have enough uniqueness to be self-evidently valuable. ^(The Torch says it counts as a Weapon while you're attacking with it, and so the adventuring item gets a weapon review)
  • The Yklwa does 1d8 damage while Simple at the expense of being masteryless. This is very useful in the hands of the modern spellcaster who may still attack without mastery or martial proficiency, such as anymage with access to True Strike.
• Light
  • Scimitar and Shortsword have different masteries
  • the Dagger, Club and Handaxe stand out for various reasons as well among the Simple weapons
  • The Sickle, being half the cost of a Dagger, aligns itself easily with buying 5 darts for the difference in price
  • The Hooked Longspear barely does less damage than the other Light weapons, and foregoing that damage in favor of what is essentially the Topple mastery seems anethema. However, when you're attacking as often as a dual-wielding build does, the fact that it Topples at all is extremely worth the squeeze.
  • This brings us to the final melee weapon of the list, the Light Hammer, which is just a blunt and finesseless dagger. All the more annoying that they've removed the regular Hammer from the non-weapon equipment list in favor of it.

Ranged

• Loading 2-Handed
  • Light Crossbow, Heavy Crossbow, and Musket are in such wildly different price ranges and damages that the differences in range almost don't matter.
• Loading 1-Handed
  • Though the Sling has low damage, it's also the only simple ranged weapon that has a mastery other than Vex. Slow is pretty good on a ranged weapon, so skirmishing with a sling is not the worst idea.
  • The Vex trio ostensibly has the same price-is-right variability as the loaded 2-handers, but I really need to carve out how bad the Blowgun is.
    • The biggest problem with the Blowgun is the ruling that weapons that deal 1 damage don't get to add your Modifier to it, so it's only ever 1 damage (+poison). This may be accurate to IRL blowguns, but it makes it functionally useless as a weapon - even Thieves clinging to the side of a building would prefer to use Darts in the narrow application where they need a one-handed weapon while clinging to the side of a building before they can afford a Hand Crossbow.
• Unloaded 2-Handed
  • You get the Heavy and Martial Slowing Longbow, and the Vexing Shortbow which is neither of those.
  • The Oversized Longbow has always been an odd duck, but if you have both 18 STR and enough DEX to hit with the thing, you probably also have the Extra Attack feature and therefore want this over the Musket's similarly large Damage figure, even without getting an appropriately large Mastery feature.
  • The Light Repeating Crossbow does Longbow damage with the Reload function rather than the Loading function, at the expense of being half the range and not having a mastery. Useful for folks with Extra Attack that can't manage a Heavy Weapon, like Valor Bards.
  • The Hoopak combines the ranged damage of a Sling with the melee damage of a one-handed Spear and the range of a Light Repeating Crossbow. Unfortunately, the total package is not worth the combination in a world where weapon juggling can be done as part of the attack, even if it did have the Mastery features of its parents.
• Unloaded 1-Handed
  • The Dart is the only thrown ranged weapon in the PHB, and being Finesse makes it the best non-javelin Ranged weapon for strength builds as well. Being cheap as dirt is also a point in its favor, compared to the cost of a Dagger.
  • The Iron Ball would be strictly superior to the Dart with its 120 ft range, but the lack of Mastery balances things out.
• DMG
  • All 8 of the DMG guns are good, but they're rare enough that I don't particularly want to break them down now that it's almost midnight - watch this space for when I am awake again ^_^