u/Dry-Barber-8737

Hi all. This might be a long and messy post, so please bear with me.

First of all, I’m a 24-year-old male working as an engineer. I’ve been living in another country for about 11 years now, and my whole career and life are here.

I had a rough childhood and was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Despite that, I managed to push through college, graduated with honors, and now work as an engineer. I’m proud of that, but honestly, I’ve always struggled with relationships and connecting with people.

I’m giving this background because I think it’s important for understanding my situation.

At work, a girl joined around 4 months ago as an intern, and I was kind of her supervisor. I don’t really know how it happened, but I fell for her. Her personality, her laugh, the way she talked — everything about her felt charming to me.

The problem is that when I look at myself, I see someone who is always sad, angry, stressed, or depressed. That part is important.

There’s another coworker at my job who is about 3 years younger than me. He’s always energetic, smiling, positive, and easy to talk to.

The three of us used to go out after work sometimes for coffee or dinner. I genuinely tried to build a friendship with this girl because I truly liked her. But after some time, I noticed she became distant from me and started spending more time with this coworker — laughing with him, chatting more, going out together, etc.

To be clear, they are just friends. He already has a serious girlfriend, so I don’t think he was trying to flirt with her.

But when I realized she was becoming distant and sometimes even avoiding direct conversations with me, I became really sad. The only questions in my mind were:
“Why?”
“Am I not enough?”

Eventually, this situation started affecting me badly. I began having anxiety attacks at work and constantly overthinking everything. I ended up asking my coworkers honestly why things turned out this way.

Their answer shocked me.

They told me that I always seem depressed, angry, negative, and emotionally heavy. They said I rarely smile or laugh, and that this probably made her uncomfortable or pushed her away.

When I heard that, I started reflecting and realized they might be right.

The thing is, I know I’m a kind-hearted person. I genuinely care about people and want the best for everyone. But now I’m realizing that maybe being kind alone is not enough if your energy constantly feels negative to others.

This all happened about 2 weeks ago, and since then I’ve been drowning myself in alcohol and cigarettes. I barely eat anymore, and I’ve already lost 5 kg.

So my question is:
Is this true?

When someone is always sad, angry, complaining, or emotionally heavy, do people naturally distance themselves from that person? Or could this situation have been about something else entirely?

I really need advice right now.
I’m trying to understand myself better.

And if there’s anything missing from the story, feel free to ask. I’ll answer honestly.

Hi all. This might be a long and messy post, so please bear with me.

First of all, I’m a 24-year-old male working as an engineer. I’ve been living in another country for about 11 years now, and my whole career and life are here.

I had a rough childhood and was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Despite that, I managed to push through college, graduated with honors, and now work as an engineer. I’m proud of that, but honestly, I’ve always struggled with relationships and connecting with people.

I’m giving this background because I think it’s important for understanding my situation.

At work, a girl joined around 4 months ago as an intern, and I was kind of her supervisor. I don’t really know how it happened, but I fell for her. Her personality, her laugh, the way she talked — everything about her felt charming to me.

The problem is that when I look at myself, I see someone who is always sad, angry, stressed, or depressed. That part is important.

There’s another coworker at my job who is about 3 years younger than me. He’s always energetic, smiling, positive, and easy to talk to.

The three of us used to go out after work sometimes for coffee or dinner. I genuinely tried to build a friendship with this girl because I truly liked her. But after some time, I noticed she became distant from me and started spending more time with this coworker — laughing with him, chatting more, going out together, etc.

To be clear, they are just friends. He already has a serious girlfriend, so I don’t think he was trying to flirt with her.

But when I realized she was becoming distant and sometimes even avoiding direct conversations with me, I became really sad. The only questions in my mind were:
“Why?”
“Am I not enough?”

Eventually, this situation started affecting me badly. I began having anxiety attacks at work and constantly overthinking everything. I ended up asking my coworkers honestly why things turned out this way.

Their answer shocked me.

They told me that I always seem depressed, angry, negative, and emotionally heavy. They said I rarely smile or laugh, and that this probably made her uncomfortable or pushed her away.

When I heard that, I started reflecting and realized they might be right.

The thing is, I know I’m a kind-hearted person. I genuinely care about people and want the best for everyone. But now I’m realizing that maybe being kind alone is not enough if your energy constantly feels negative to others.

This all happened about 2 weeks ago, and since then I’ve been drowning myself in alcohol and cigarettes. I barely eat anymore, and I’ve already lost 5 kg.

So my question is:
Is this true?

When someone is always sad, angry, complaining, or emotionally heavy, do people naturally distance themselves from that person? Or could this situation have been about something else entirely?

I really need advice right now.
I’m trying to understand myself better.

And if there’s anything missing from the story, feel free to ask. I’ll answer honestly.

Hi all. This might be a long and messy post, so please bear with me.

First of all, I’m a 24-year-old male working as an engineer. I’ve been living in another country for about 11 years now, and my whole career and life are here.

I had a rough childhood and was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Despite that, I managed to push through college, graduated with honors, and now work as an engineer. I’m proud of that, but honestly, I’ve always struggled with relationships and connecting with people.

I’m giving this background because I think it’s important for understanding my situation.

At work, a girl joined around 4 months ago as an intern, and I was kind of her supervisor. I don’t really know how it happened, but I fell for her. Her personality, her laugh, the way she talked — everything about her felt charming to me.

The problem is that when I look at myself, I see someone who is always sad, angry, stressed, or depressed. That part is important.

There’s another coworker at my job who is about 3 years younger than me. He’s always energetic, smiling, positive, and easy to talk to.

The three of us used to go out after work sometimes for coffee or dinner. I genuinely tried to build a friendship with this girl because I truly liked her. But after some time, I noticed she became distant from me and started spending more time with this coworker — laughing with him, chatting more, going out together, etc.

To be clear, they are just friends. He already has a serious girlfriend, so I don’t think he was trying to flirt with her.

But when I realized she was becoming distant and sometimes even avoiding direct conversations with me, I became really sad. The only questions in my mind were:
“Why?”
“Am I not enough?”

Eventually, this situation started affecting me badly. I began having anxiety attacks at work and constantly overthinking everything. I ended up asking my coworkers honestly why things turned out this way.

Their answer shocked me.

They told me that I always seem depressed, angry, negative, and emotionally heavy. They said I rarely smile or laugh, and that this probably made her uncomfortable or pushed her away.

When I heard that, I started reflecting and realized they might be right.

The thing is, I know I’m a kind-hearted person. I genuinely care about people and want the best for everyone. But now I’m realizing that maybe being kind alone is not enough if your energy constantly feels negative to others.

This all happened about 2 weeks ago, and since then I’ve been drowning myself in alcohol and cigarettes. I barely eat anymore, and I’ve already lost 5 kg.

So my question is:
Is this true?

When someone is always sad, angry, complaining, or emotionally heavy, do people naturally distance themselves from that person? Or could this situation have been about something else entirely?

I really need advice right now.
I’m trying to understand myself better.

And if there’s anything missing from the story, feel free to ask. I’ll answer honestly.

Hi all. This might be a long and messy post, so please bear with me.

First of all, I’m a 24-year-old male working as an engineer. I’ve been living in another country for about 11 years now, and my whole career and life are here.

I had a rough childhood and was diagnosed with BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). Despite that, I managed to push through college, graduated with honors, and now work as an engineer. I’m proud of that, but honestly, I’ve always struggled with relationships and connecting with people.

I’m giving this background because I think it’s important for understanding my situation.

At work, a girl joined around 4 months ago as an intern, and I was kind of her supervisor. I don’t really know how it happened, but I fell for her. Her personality, her laugh, the way she talked — everything about her felt charming to me.

The problem is that when I look at myself, I see someone who is always sad, angry, stressed, or depressed. That part is important.

There’s another coworker at my job who is about 3 years younger than me. He’s always energetic, smiling, positive, and easy to talk to.

The three of us used to go out after work sometimes for coffee or dinner. I genuinely tried to build a friendship with this girl because I truly liked her. But after some time, I noticed she became distant from me and started spending more time with this coworker — laughing with him, chatting more, going out together, etc.

To be clear, they are just friends. He already has a serious girlfriend, so I don’t think he was trying to flirt with her.

But when I realized she was becoming distant and sometimes even avoiding direct conversations with me, I became really sad. The only questions in my mind were:
“Why?”
“Am I not enough?”

Eventually, this situation started affecting me badly. I began having anxiety attacks at work and constantly overthinking everything. I ended up asking my coworkers honestly why things turned out this way.

Their answer shocked me.

They told me that I always seem depressed, angry, negative, and emotionally heavy. They said I rarely smile or laugh, and that this probably made her uncomfortable or pushed her away.

When I heard that, I started reflecting and realized they might be right.

The thing is, I know I’m a kind-hearted person. I genuinely care about people and want the best for everyone. But now I’m realizing that maybe being kind alone is not enough if your energy constantly feels negative to others.

This all happened about 2 weeks ago, and since then I’ve been drowning myself in alcohol and cigarettes. I barely eat anymore, and I’ve already lost 5 kg.

So my question is:
Is this true?

When someone is always sad, angry, complaining, or emotionally heavy, do people naturally distance themselves from that person? Or could this situation have been about something else entirely?

I really need advice right now.
I’m trying to understand myself better.

And if there’s anything missing from the story, feel free to ask. I’ll answer honestly.