Idk what I’m doing wrong
Hi all, I am a guy 17M, I am in my final year of school and on track to do medicine at a great university, probably one of the top 10 unis in the uk, I am average height with decent looks but I have a little fat but lots of muscle, not to be egocentric but I look alright, my abs are almost coming out but I’m not a skinny guys so I’m kind of built. I am known for being kind and forgiving and really just a great person, I can’t really explain why but I meet girls to the point of getting to know them or being close friends quite rarely like extremely rarely due to a busy schedule and only having male only environments, but that doesn’t mean I’m awakard or anything, the problem is I had found the girl who I thought was the one, she wanted the same things, we found each other extremely attractive, and we enjoyed the same things, we would spend all our time together and we went out and it was GREAT I mean genuinely even now that thinking about it hurts it was the greatest day of my life and I would give anything to relive it. But three weeks ago, we were going through a slightly rough bit, she had her med entrance exam which didn’t go great meaning that she would have to resit as she didn’t want to settle for anything but literally the best few unis, which I completely respect, and then the week after I had family over so we couldn’t call at all then either, this meant two weeks had passed and we had not spent any time together, well, at the end of the two weeks I had a really really horrible day I sent her a message saying I wanted more and that I missed her but I worded it wrong and made it sound like it was me needing more or else we would be done, and she just let it end. I was expecting her to say something like she would try harder or we could spend more time but she was like I don’t think I can do this. I cleared my head and the next day I messaged saying I didn’t actually feel that way and I had just missed her and she said she had just lost feelings, now I’m not proud of how I reacted as I brought the conversation back up a few times, as we discussed what now until in the end we settled on people who just play the game together, well I thought it would be fine, I still had feelings and was confused and hurt but ok, 2 weeks after the breakup I had an interesting day and I tried to call her (after calling everyone else I considered a friend and them not picking up) and she said she couldn’t so I sent a bunch of voice notes kind of just going over everything, again not proud because we said talking wasn’t a great idea but she has now been directly ghosting me for a week and our mutuals said that it’s probably best if me and her don’t play for a while even in like a big group. And I just feel so lost, this all came from me having a bad day and I asked if she wanted to try and see if maybe we made a mistake and she said a hard no and asked me to respect her decision, I just feel so lost about how to feel as there are so many things I can’t even fit here like her saying I am wonderful and she does still really care about me but she can’t be the person I need, but her also saying that ignoring people is the single worst thing you can do to a person and made me promise to never do that to her. I have tried to talk to someone else, I am someone who really needs to have like a person otherwise nights get lonely and like the game gets boring and sad, but I can’t find anyone either because of my situation so idk what to do, I play valorant and Overwatch. Any advice?