u/Due-Leave-759

It‘s technically not summer yet but it‘s already so hot where I live. I feel so uncomfortable in my body so I hate wearing short clothes. Instead I‘ll wear long pants and long shirts and just sweat to death. Honestly, I can’t really enjoy summer or summer activities cause I‘m so insecure and concerned about how my body looks at all times which is actually so sad cause I love swimming. I just wish I could be okay with my body cause this way summer is torture.

Whenever I see a short women who's really skinny and has a very small frame, I just get so jealous. Sometimes they aren't even that skinny but they just look so effortlessly small. My shoulders are so wide, my boobs too big and my thighs and legs are also way too fat. I feel like I'll never look this small and it's killing me. I'm honestly so tired of hating my body but I don't think I'll ever accept it. Also I'm so jealous of these lanky, tall guys who literally have the thinnest arms and legs I've ever seen. uuggghh

I recently started selling some of my stuff on vinted and because of that I was on the patform a lot. Whenever I posted sth, I always ended up scrolling through the items and there were just so many things I liked so I favorised them. Eventually, I ended up buying so many things also because the items could have sold out any time. The single items are mostly pretty cheap but if you buy a lot plus the shipping it really adds up. I'm honestly so embarrassed of how much I spent these past few weeks and I don't even know exactly how much. I think I'll stop buying things for a while now lol

Idk why but drinking instead of eating makes me feel so much less fat. I'd much rather drink a nice drink or generally just liquid fast instead of eating, it just makes me feel so clean. Also Idk why I'm so obsesssed with being/feeling clean and having to be perfect but when I'm restricting I just feel so much more beautiful and better about myself.

Whenever I see a short women who's really skinny and has a very small frame, I just get so jealous. Sometimes they aren't even that skinny but they just look so effortlessly small. My shoulders are so wide, my boobs too big and my thighs and legs are also way too fat. I feel like I'll never look this small and it's killing me. I'm honestly so tired of hating my body but I don't think I'll ever accept it. Also I'm so jealous of these lanky, tall guys who literally have the thinnest arms and legs I've ever seen. uuggghh

I've been in this state for so long, I woudn't even know what to do "without" it. I don't even know who I'de be if I weren't so depressed and tired of being alive. I really hate my life and I often wish I was dead but I just can't imagine how my life would be otherwise. I'm not pitying myself, or maybe sometimes I am, but being sad and miserable is somehow so comforting to me that the thought of changing seems worse, not that I'd know how to change even though I've already tried a lot with no result. Maybe I've just given up.