u/Dull_Chemical546

My girlfriend and I have been together for around two years and living together for about a year. We have one cat.
When we got together, the cat wasn’t an issue. My girlfriend’s mum also has cats, and she’s always been around them without any obvious problems. My girlfriend also owned a cat when we met and has had cats most of her adult life.

Over the last year, though, she’s become increasingly distressed about living with my cat. It has gradually escalated to the point where the cat now lives almost exclusively in a separate sunroom, but even that doesn’t seem to be enough. My girlfriend says she needs a space where she feels peaceful and regulated, and she feels our home has made her mentally unwell. Another thing I struggle with is that she has told me she feels resentment towards the cat and sometimes even towards me because she feels the cat’s needs come before hers. She says seeing the cat can immediately change her mood and make her feel stressed, frustrated, or trapped in the situation. She has described feeling like she can’t fully relax in the house while the cat is there, even though the cat spends most of the time in a separate sunroom. When I’ve suggested she take breaks at her mum’s house or spend time elsewhere when she needs space, she says that disrupts her routine and instead asks why the cat can’t be moved. This is one of the biggest sticking points between us because I feel responsible for my cat’s welfare, whereas she sees my refusal to move the cat as evidence that I’m choosing the cat over her.

The problem is that I feel like I’ve made every practical compromise I can. The cat is my responsibility and has lived here the whole time. I don’t feel it’s fair or realistic to keep moving the cat around or removing her from the home whenever my girlfriend needs space.

My girlfriend says that by refusing to do that, I’m “choosing the cat” over her. From my perspective, I’m not choosing the cat over her. I’m choosing not to abandon or repeatedly displace a pet that depends on me.

She’s now talking about moving out and potentially ending the relationship because she doesn’t feel she can cope with the situation anymore.

I genuinely love her and want the relationship to work, but I’m struggling to understand where the line is between supporting a partner’s mental health and being expected to reorganise your entire life around it. It feels controlling to me.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? If you were the partner struggling, what would you have wanted? If you were in my position, would you feel that refusing to move the cat out means you’re choosing the cat over your partner?

My girlfriend and I have been together for around two years and living together for about a year. We have one cat.
When we got together, the cat wasn’t an issue. My girlfriend’s mum also has cats, and she’s always been around them without any obvious problems.

Over the last year, though, she’s become increasingly distressed about living with my cat. It has gradually escalated to the point where the cat now lives almost exclusively in a separate sunroom, but even that doesn’t seem to be enough. My girlfriend says she needs a space where she feels peaceful and regulated, and she feels our home has made her mentally unwell. Another thing I struggle with is that she has told me she feels resentment towards the cat and sometimes even towards me because she feels the cat’s needs come before hers. She says seeing the cat can immediately change her mood and make her feel stressed, frustrated, or trapped in the situation. She has described feeling like she can’t fully relax in the house while the cat is there, even though the cat spends most of the time in a separate sunroom. When I’ve suggested she take breaks at her mum’s house or spend time elsewhere when she needs space, she says that disrupts her routine and instead asks why the cat can’t be moved. This is one of the biggest sticking points between us because I feel responsible for my cat’s welfare, whereas she sees my refusal to move the cat as evidence that I’m choosing the cat over her.

The problem is that I feel like I’ve made every practical compromise I can. The cat is my responsibility and has lived here the whole time. I don’t feel it’s fair or realistic to keep moving the cat around or removing her from the home whenever my girlfriend needs space.

My girlfriend says that by refusing to do that, I’m “choosing the cat” over her. From my perspective, I’m not choosing the cat over her. I’m choosing not to abandon or repeatedly displace a pet that depends on me.

She’s now talking about moving out and potentially ending the relationship because she doesn’t feel she can cope with the situation anymore.

I genuinely love her and want the relationship to work, but I’m struggling to understand where the line is between supporting a partner’s mental health and being expected to reorganise your entire life around it. It feels controlling to me.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? If you were the partner struggling, what would you have wanted? If you were in my position, would you feel that refusing to move the cat out means you’re choosing the cat over your partner?