u/ENTPoncrackenergy

Accountability is a beautiful thing, and you should strive to take as much of it as possible. Without the acknowledgement of your own agency, you are paralysed. To say you did nothing wrong as a victim is a very dangerous cognitive dissonance because that implies there's nothing to learn from your experience. Bad things continue to happen to people who dont learn.

Now, the typical victim response to "where did you go wrong" is usually met with mental gymnastics reflection that indirectly bounces the blame back onto the perpetrator. Such as "my mistake was trusting too much" - "Im too much of an empath" - "Im too forgiving" implying that their fault is that they have an abundance of a positive trait that someone took advantage off. Being incredibly kind is not where you went wrong. And as long as you think that it will happen again. You tolerated it because they gave something to you that you thought was so valuable it was worth the abuse. Or you feared something was going to be taken away, and your fear preceeded your self-respect.

Did they love you even though you hate yourself and feared you'd never find someone else? Did your pride refuse to accept the reality that you failed and will have to start again? Did you lack skills and overly depend on your partner and fear you can't fend for yourself.

When I say toxic, I dont mean they argue a lot, and he's a prick. I'm not talking about cheaters or bums or even verbally abusive. Even though your friend should dump these dudes, I dont believe it validates sabotaging. Let her come to her own conclusion as a grown woman. Let her learn her lesson. But the second I believe she's physical danger, you best believe Im plotting. Im setting that man up. Because I know if I go to her as the victim and try and talk her out of it, Im going to be painted as a hater, whos not minding her business - babe, you're in danger Im not letting this happen the same way I wouldnt stand on the side lines and let you do the cha cha slide on a train track. Im going to pull you off of the train track by your hair, and you can hate me all you want, but atleast youre alive to hate me. I will make sure you're physically safe even if it costs our friendship. Why is there this expectation that only the victim is responsible for getting themselves out of a physically abusive relationship? They're a victim. They're not right in the head. Im sending all my homegirls. He's a drug dealer? Im snitching. Im turning up at the house and putting Nair's in his shampoo. Whatever she's sees in him, Im going to ruin.

I can not stare at a wall for 5 minutes. I literally can not sit still for 5 minutes without fidgeting or actively looking for distractions, and checking how much time has gone. My brain was desperately scrambling to find any source of stimuli like a crack addict, I had to shut down thought after thought after thought, like how you have to shut down windows on an infected computer. My mind ran through a million suggestions for mental activities to fill the space apart from simply shutting up for 5 minutes. I managed 3 minutes before checking how long I had left, information I had no business checking because I knew the timer would go off.

I realised that I have very little control over my focus. I am not capable currently of focusing on a singular thought pattern, but imagine if I was. What I could do... In this day and age of immediate gratification and dopamine overdosing, retaining an attention span is overlooked and undervalued. So now, I'll be practising every day for 5 minutes, simply staring until I can finally control my own brain and make it go radio silent.

Devotion will always be a stronger and more consistent drive than discipline. Discipline relies on habits and self-control, and devotion comes from deep care love and belief. Many people's loyalty is dependent on discipline. They dont betray or leave because they fear reprocussions, and they're obligated by morality. Unfortunately, loyalty that derives from discipline is vulnerable because it is dependent on self-control, structure, and duty.

So why do people choose relationships that require discipline to stay within? Surely you'd desire a relationship that is loyal because you love and care for each other? It's because many people don't believe that someone great enough to inspire devotion within them either exists or would want them back so they settle for someone they can discipline themselves into being loyal to. It takes a lot of self-belief and self-respect to believe that someone who could inspire devotion within you would desire you back.

What ever youve gone through may not be your fault, but it's your responsibility to fix it anyway. That might not sound fair, but that's the truth. The world is not egalitarian. So you're at a disadvantage, and? You've gotta fight this anyway. Its not your fault therefore its not your choice. That hardship chose you, and it's coming regardless of how you feel or act clearly. Saying you can't handle it or you dont want to deal with it isn't going to prevent you from having to face it.

Some of you are so caught up on the who, why, how when and how its not fair you have to go into the ring when you're standing in the middle of ring. Who why what how later brother, you need to start swinging.

A lot of people who think they have mental issues actually just have practical issues. Mental is when the issue is in your head. Being broke is not in your head. Someone dying is not in your head. Mentally, you're completely sane. That's a normal response. You can change your perception and get in touch with your chakra all you want... you can look at that bill from your third eye all you want the number is not going to change. Treating the mental difficulties caused by practical difficulties is like cutting a weed from the leaves.

One of the excuses people used for the rise of Andrew Tatertot was that there are "no good male rolemodels to guide our boys." Did half the male population get thanosed for Andrew Tate to be our best option? Eddie Hall, Gordon Ramsey, Ant Middleton - did they get final destinationed? There are men excelling in pretty much every field, completely legally. If this was not the case and Andrew Tate was the best example of a man we had, we would not be functioning as a society. A lot of these amazing men who've built empires supported their community, have a place in history, accomplished tremendous accolades, and have precisely 0 cases against women - have books detailing front to back how theyve became the man they are, but because they havnt dished their story and advice in inflammatory 30 second brain rot it pretty much gets ignored. "We dont have any examples of masculine men." Is paddy the baddy not masculine enough for you? Eddie Hall, is he a girl now?

These amazing masculine providing men dont publicly talk shit about women. Thats the difference isnt it.