u/Easy-Dinner-8974

hi i am not too
empathetic anymore and it is quite disheartening, in fact i have become very narcissistic over the years n want to stop this. caused a lot of harm that’ll last for years and i genuinely feel bad for the people k hurt. i dug myself in a while lying and saying i don’t feel remorse or guilt when i do ? and isolate because of it. always do. i avoid people when i feel guilty not because i don’t care. anyways this would really help me’’

hi i’m 20F and i’ve been in contact with my narcissistic father since i was 18 and my life has started going even more downhill since then. a lot of things remind me of him i went to a similar college in the same area he lived for a while, my deadname is half of his name (ew), and my dad had a business and it was sketchy due to lack of transparency, and now mine is similar as well. i feel like didn’t even try to not be like him and i am disappointed in myself. i asked him for help w my business i thought i was healed enough but after my brother got triggered, and started exploding, i did as well and it messed up my work ethic and performance.

i should have known better to not let this man into my life the moment i did and gave him a chance he broke me.

this is a man i grew up hating and wanted to die because of how he made ME feel, how he abused my baby brother, my mum at 3 years old i had to call the police on him because he was cheating and had a secret life entirely. i’ve become so like him it’s sinister, always lying and ghosting / avoiding out of fear , but i realise that makes people despise me and i refuse to be like him and not take accountability or lie thru my mouth.

in addition he talks all formally and it sounds so ridiculous and farce bc he’s my fucking dad not a legal advisor he doesn’t need to do that. it’s embarrassing. and i get reminded constantly that he fucking lies and i am embarrassed to be associated with him he scammed a family member out of £700 and wanted to know everyone in my mums family, still speaks of them respectfully but not ONCE sends the money back.

i’ve fucked up my life and i am in fear and regret and must apologise to every soul i have hurt within the past 2 years i regret it so much i had something wonderful n was blindsided by the similarity in situations with my dad. asw my dad did the same with his dad and i’m the DAUGHTER 😞😮‍💨

i had a chosen family and got triggered so immensely horribly that i did things my father would do and i am fucking ashamed at how this has happened because i could have chosen better. could have said that this is family i need to calm down. my whole entire community and family do not respect me anymore. i am ashamed. i am embarrassed. and i am sad more than anything.

my brother 18M is severely traumatised and re enacting the abuse and trying to traumatise me and my mum and using secrecy as a reason. bc of this i accidentally acted the same way in my workplace / business and my whole reputation is ruined as a founder, businesswoman etc.

i’m so embarrassed for being this big of a failure for something really promising and successful as well, my reputation is bottom of the barrel and my brother is getting away scott free reenacting abuse , coercion and control all the while he studies psychology and knows what he’s doing.

the thing is i know when i’m doing something as well i have had therapy but i am still not healed bc as an adult it’s scarier now being so aware that my dad did these things in his 30s-40s out of free will, never once showed remorse for his wrongdoings. i did so and feel such pain and remorse for everyone i am not willing to repeat it again.

my mum had always protected me and said that as we older we would see that our dad never provided for us hurt our mother and was useless basically all our lives until we turned adults and it is very true. she is right he is like that and i see it now. bc at 30 why were u with a 19 year old and dating her planning to marry, have kids and such.

starting to act like my father

hi i’m 20F and i’ve been in contact with my narcissistic father since i was 18 and my life has started going even more downhill since then. a lot of things remind me of him i went to a similar college in the same area he lived for a while, my deadname is half of his name (ew), and my dad had a business and it was sketchy due to lack of transparency, and now mine is similar as well. i feel like didn’t even try to not be like him and i am disappointed in myself. i asked him for help w my business i thought i was healed enough but after my brother got triggered, and started exploding, i did as well and it messed up my work ethic and performance.

i should have known better to not let this man into my life the moment i did and gave him a chance he broke me.

this is a man i grew up hating and wanted to die because of how he made ME feel, how he abused my baby brother, my mum at 3 years old i had to call the police on him because he was cheating and had a secret life entirely. i’ve become so like him it’s sinister, always lying and ghosting / avoiding out of fear , but i realise that makes people despise me and i refuse to be like him and not take accountability or lie thru my mouth.

in addition he talks all formally and it sounds so ridiculous and farce bc he’s my fucking dad not a legal advisor he doesn’t need to do that. it’s embarrassing. and i get reminded constantly that he fucking lies and i am embarrassed to be associated with him he scammed a family member out of £700 and wanted to know everyone in my mums family, still speaks of them respectfully but not ONCE sends the money back.

i’ve fucked up my life and i am in fear and regret and must apologise to every soul i have hurt within the past 2 years i regret it so much i had something wonderful n was blindsided by the similarity in situations with my dad. asw my dad did the same with his dad and i’m the DAUGHTER 😞😮‍💨

my brother 18M is severely traumatised and re enacting the abuse and trying to traumatise me and my mum and using secrecy as a reason. bc of this i accidentally acted the same way in my workplace / business and my whole reputation is ruined as a founder, businesswoman etc.

i’m so embarrassed for being this big of a failure for something really promising and successful as well, my reputation is bottom of the barrel and my brother is getting away scott free reenacting abuse , coercion and control all the while he studies psychology and knows what he’s doing.

the thing is i know when i’m doing something as well i have had therapy but i am still not healed bc as an adult it’s scarier now being so aware that my dad did these things in his 30s-40s out of free will, never once showed remorse for his wrongdoings. i did so and feel such pain and remorse for everyone i am not willing to repeat it again.

my mum had always protected me and said that as we older we would see that our dad never provided for us hurt our mother and was useless basically all our lives until we turned adults and it is very true. she is right he is like that and i see it now. bc at 30 why were u with a 19 year old and dating her planning to marry, have kids and such.

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i regret this so bad i am actually terrified for my life and my reputation is already bad as is i didn’t think the implications or consequences through i wanted to apologise as it’s been 10 years, and i have grown up, but i’ve also made many mistakes still in my life.

i never got over it and never will. i want to live as a good person but genuinely stays on my conscious even though i was 7-9, it’s immoral n harmed someone i was very close with growing up.

i am scared i reached out to them and i shouldn’t have and for something so dangerous too, i don’t know i have always wanted to apologise but i avoided them for years and in the name of ‘accountability’ (and fear of being witchunted or having a smear campaign), i wanted to do this. maybe i’m too irrational now. they reached out to my family member so i thought it would be okay to apologise. for once in my sorry life, i wanted to say sorry.

the way i live is already miserable and ive hurt other people too n ruined my own prospects. i genuinely had a wonderful reputation and under stress, and these memories wanted to sabotage it , n now other people r taking those opportunities. i don’t even know if i should be shameless an continue or move on from something i love deeply. i want to be a safe space and provide a safer space for people, not hurt others. but i still did as an adult its even worse now the consequences are so much realer, they always have been and this has always been my life, and i owe it to myself to live like a good person. i was lying and deceiving others, and i am upset because my father did the very same. however its me now and my life is in my hands.

i am terrified as shit and everyone already thinks badly i do not want to get kicked out if my mum finds this out about how i told her (she already knows what i did, and said she forgives me because she did something similar as a kid).

what do i even do. i know i have to calm down i’ve reached out to my therapist but i am actually terrified and i keep putting myself into situations i know ill regret hoping ill just kms but i never do

there’s already a thread out here on me in my own community and i am so appalled and hurt by how i hurt other innocent people through something i cared for deeply.