u/EatPigsAndLoveThem2

My husband was chosen as best man to his friend and is in charge of planning the bachelor party. He has some ideas but is somewhat lost on what to do and what is expected. Any advice is appreciated. What did you or your man do? Does it need to be the night before the wedding? Can it be a month or two before? Are our ideas too casual? He’s also wondering if he needs to get him some type of grooms gift? I’ve never been in a wedding party myself so I’m not sure how to help him or what’s appropriate.

Some details:
-my husband and I have a baby due soon so he’s willing to spend but still hoping to keep it reasonably low spend
-my husband doesn’t know anyone else in his groomsmen party
-my husband doesn’t remember how many other groomsmen there are, but thinks it is 5 or 6. So that would make the total amount of people attending 7 or 8 including my husband and the groom to be.
-wedding is a winter wedding so he was thinking he could do it during football season (October, November maybe December)
-located in northeast
-the groom-to-be:
doesn’t smoke (cigars weed nothing) or drink, want strippers or anything like that. He is a simple, casual guy.
-likes to watch sports of all kinds, but not play them
-doesn’t like music

Some ideas we have:

-Sports watch party at our house (we would decorate/get pizza, wings etc)
-Taking them out to eat at a sports bar
-Taking them to a college football game (professional sports game tickets are out of our price range)

We are eloping tomorrow at the courthouse and planning on eating out with our friends after. My mother and I are on good terms but aren’t that close. She lives locally and helped my future husband and I by being our witness for the license. I told her from the jump that we have our other friends attending the ceremony, we’re not making a big deal out of it, and said she can come if she wants to but it will be a quick ordeal and I wouldn’t be offended if she didn’t come, kind of hoping she’d say she wouldn’t. But she insisted that her and her partner come. The area around the courthouse is very city, street parking only, and it’s typically busy, so also considering that, I feel bad that she’s planning on coming. I’ve read the courthouse ceremony is usually 10-20 mins. A week ago, she asked me if we wanted to go out after the ceremony, to which I told her that we already had plans with our friends that are coming who already offered to take us out (they live an hour away). Am I rude for not inviting her? I feel bad but at the same time, she just said okay and said see you there. For some backstory as well, she helped buy my sister a home and helped pay for her wedding within the last 5 years. But refused to throw me a baby shower unless it was a low budget potluck type event that was hosted at her home across state lines, which would’ve made the drive over 1 1/2 hours for most guests. I didn’t end up having a shower for this and multiple other reasons. I just feel like she puts more effort and money into my sister. If she had responded with “let me and my partner take you all out after, we’ll pay” I would’ve considered it (would just be me, fiancé and our two friends), but she just said “okay see you there”. Is there anything to even feel bad about? Or am I just overthinking this?

My fiancé and I are eloping at the courthouse next week. My mom helped us get our marriage license and when she did so, she asked us about the marriage ceremony. I didn’t want to lie or tell her she can’t come, so I told her when it would be. She said she will be there with her partner. Problem is, I don’t really mind if she comes to the ceremony, but we have our other friends coming (a couple who we’ve been longtime friends with who live somewhat far away) and we really just want to go to dinner with them after the ceremony. My mom and I have an okay at best relationship. I tend to get stressed out by her easily. She lives relatively close to the courthouse which is why we asked her to be our marriage license witness. Again, I don’t mind if her and her partner want to come for the ceremony, which is a simple courthouse ceremony and shouldn’t take too long, but I don’t want her to come to the “after party” festivities aka dinner with our two friends. How can I word this to her? She hasn’t asked about what we’re doing after or if we’re doing anything yet. Or am I rude for even asking her to help with the license but not inviting her to everything else?