u/EconomyChance3026

“You made the conscious decision to stop responding to me. Whatever explanation you may have now doesn’t change the experience I lived through at the end and after the breakup and how hurt your choices made me feel. Closure doesn’t require two parties participation. I was left with carrying the emotional labor. I am finally finding closure because I had to create it for myself, but also by acknowledging who you showed you were… I don’t want any of that anymore. Just like you didn’t want any more of me. I don’t think the potential for an explanation is worth the emotional risk. The time we talked at my house, it was about your relief, not about the relationship. The talk will likely leave me feeling like it doesn’t make sense and I may not get an answer that gives true relief or closure. Especially with the hook text a month later: you once again left the emotional work unfinished, creating a boundary for me and left it on your time, you came to me? You said you would follow-up and took your time with it and or didn’t follow-up. If you want to apologize then just do it. I don’t owe anyone access to me. I’m done being so forgiving and having it be taken advantage of to meet other people’s needs without them meeting me in the middle with mine. My heart of gold, empathy, forgiveness and ability to read and understand people shouldn’t also be a self-sacrifice. I have needs too and I matter too. I’m keeping my peace. “

From avoidant ex after 2 months breakup/ 1 month no contact.

“I am not intending to joke or mess with you or do anything other than hopefully the first right thing I’ve done since March 19th.

There was no performance, I care about you with more emotions than I know what to do with.

I messaged you the other day and still wasn’t 1000% sure what I was going to say but saying nothing felt worse than saying something.  It took me far too long to recognize that feeling.

I had muted your messages so I didn’t have to face it or think about it. I missed your questions and didn’t read them for almost a month, and I assumed what you had said to give myself what I thought was peace and pretend I had a good reason not to respond or communicate at all.
I left that night at your house on a falsely positive interaction and I convinced myself was all I needed to do to forget and pretend.

I have earned that lack of respect. I’ve lost it for myself as well.

I tried to cheat on you (My Name) That Thursday night the 19th I got drunk after work and I tried and I failed but it made me face my actions in a way I couldn’t ignore.

I woke up the next morning to you questioning the strength and commitment I had to our relationship and it felt like I stopped breathing the same air. Couldn’t think or eat or sleep and spent that next week being distant and silent and dismissive, trying to wrestle with what to do or how and why and I selfishly couldn’t stomach the idea of pretending and living with that let alone admitting it and talking and seeing what those words would do to you.

I couldn’t even bring myself to do anything about it. I cruelly forced that onto you by doing and saying nothing.

I hated myself more than I loved you and that was a new depth of feeling to both that I’ve never had to feel.

The intensity of both emotions ripped me apart and left me speechless in a way that once again hurt you more than it hurt me. I can now never do anything about that and have to live with it for the rest of my life as well.

Everything you do and say will matter to me even if it has to be from a distance now. I did that to you, and I did that to myself. I know that.

I am sorry (My name)
Every day I’m sorry.

Betraying your trust because I was ashamed, letting the little things we could’ve talked about and worked through become the scapegoat for my actions, changing things in this way, disrespecting you and disappearing. I’ve put a stain on myself and what we had. “

From avoidant ex after 2 months breakup/ 1 month no contact.

“I am not intending to joke or mess with you or do anything other than hopefully the first right thing I’ve done since March 19th.

There was no performance, I care about you with more emotions than I know what to do with.

I messaged you the other day and still wasn’t 1000% sure what I was going to say but saying nothing felt worse than saying something.  It took me far too long to recognize that feeling.

I had muted your messages so I didn’t have to face it or think about it. I missed your questions and didn’t read them for almost a month, and I assumed what you had said to give myself what I thought was peace and pretend I had a good reason not to respond or communicate at all.
I left that night at your house on a falsely positive interaction and I convinced myself was all I needed to do to forget and pretend.

I have earned that lack of respect. I’ve lost it for myself as well.

I tried to cheat on you (My Name) That Thursday night the 19th I got drunk after work and I tried and I failed but it made me face my actions in a way I couldn’t ignore.

I woke up the next morning to you questioning the strength and commitment I had to our relationship and it felt like I stopped breathing the same air. Couldn’t think or eat or sleep and spent that next week being distant and silent and dismissive, trying to wrestle with what to do or how and why and I selfishly couldn’t stomach the idea of pretending and living with that let alone admitting it and talking and seeing what those words would do to you.

I couldn’t even bring myself to do anything about it. I cruelly forced that onto you by doing and saying nothing.

I hated myself more than I loved you and that was a new depth of feeling to both that I’ve never had to feel.

The intensity of both emotions ripped me apart and left me speechless in a way that once again hurt you more than it hurt me. I can now never do anything about that and have to live with it for the rest of my life as well.

Everything you do and say will matter to me even if it has to be from a distance now. I did that to you, and I did that to myself. I know that.

I am sorry (My name)
Every day I’m sorry.

Betraying your trust because I was ashamed, letting the little things we could’ve talked about and worked through become the scapegoat for my actions, changing things in this way, disrespecting you and disappearing. I’ve put a stain on myself and what we had. “

From avoidant ex after 2 months breakup/ 1 month no contact.

“I am not intending to joke or mess with you or do anything other than hopefully the first right thing I’ve done since March 19th.

There was no performance, I care about you with more emotions than I know what to do with.

I messaged you the other day and still wasn’t 1000% sure what I was going to say but saying nothing felt worse than saying something.  It took me far too long to recognize that feeling.

I had muted your messages so I didn’t have to face it or think about it. I missed your questions and didn’t read them for almost a month, and I assumed what you had said to give myself what I thought was peace and pretend I had a good reason not to respond or communicate at all.
I left that night at your house on a falsely positive interaction and I convinced myself was all I needed to do to forget and pretend.

I have earned that lack of respect. I’ve lost it for myself as well.

I tried to cheat on you (My Name) That Thursday night the 19th I got drunk after work and I tried and I failed but it made me face my actions in a way I couldn’t ignore.

I woke up the next morning to you questioning the strength and commitment I had to our relationship and it felt like I stopped breathing the same air. Couldn’t think or eat or sleep and spent that next week being distant and silent and dismissive, trying to wrestle with what to do or how and why and I selfishly couldn’t stomach the idea of pretending and living with that let alone admitting it and talking and seeing what those words would do to you.

I couldn’t even bring myself to do anything about it. I cruelly forced that onto you by doing and saying nothing.

I hated myself more than I loved you and that was a new depth of feeling to both that I’ve never had to feel.

The intensity of both emotions ripped me apart and left me speechless in a way that once again hurt you more than it hurt me. I can now never do anything about that and have to live with it for the rest of my life as well.

Everything you do and say will matter to me even if it has to be from a distance now. I did that to you, and I did that to myself. I know that.

I am sorry (My name)
Every day I’m sorry.

Betraying your trust because I was ashamed, letting the little things we could’ve talked about and worked through become the scapegoat for my actions, changing things in this way, disrespecting you and disappearing. I’ve put a stain on myself and what we had. “

Edit: 348 people viewed this and not one response. Hoping for some human real life words. 🙏

I had a wonderful relationship for seven months. I truly couldn’t believe how good it was, and if it was real, I finally thought I met my person. I’ll admit I went through some really hard life moments during this relationship, but my partner was so supportive but towards the end, we had our first real conflict. He completely slowed down our relationship basically pushing me away until it ended. I feel like it was an avoidant discard. I had no idea he was even an avoidant. I worked really hard throughout my life to become more secure, but this break up made my anxious attachment, nervous system horrible. I got no clarity. I asked him clarifying questions and he wouldn’t respond, but I knew he was reading my texts. I had to block him. My nervous system is finally feeling better, but I feel terrible for the things I said, which weren’t even that bad. I know he had his faults, but I can’t stop feeling like he’s only going to think of me as the person I was when we broke up. It’s been a month now and I know he treated me not so good towards the end but it’s just absolutely devastating to have someone be able to completely write you off with no real chance. He got on Tinder right away (a friend sent me a screenshot) and deleted all the pictures of us all his Instagram. Just really sad.