u/Educational-Team9582

I have been reading many posts of Partners who stay(ed) who are still suffering every day, either because their partner keeps having a relapse, their trust is broken or their self worth is destroyed. I fully understand there are reasons to stay and I also sometimes struggle with my decision to break up right after first D-Day, but I just could not get over the sheer amount of lies and some of the things he had done, which to me are cheating (massage parlors, active sexting, live cam, etc.). Also we were not married (yet) and had no kids.

To anyone who stayed - would you recommend this to your friend, sister, daughter? Do you regret staying in hindsight? Did the reasons to stay initially (good relationship, kids, marriage) change over time?

Ich höre es immer wieder und vielleicht bin ich biased, aber offenbar ist für Männer sexuelle Anziehung anders als bei Frauen und geht häufig ohne emotionale Bindung einher. Zudem höre ich auch, dass Männer sich nach einiger Zeit mit der gleichen Partnerin Abwechslung wünschen. Natürlich geht man dem nicht unbedingt nach, aber stimmt es dass sich viele Männer sexuelle Varietät insgeheim wünschen und nach einer Zeit die eigene Frau/Freundin (auch wenn sie attraktiv ist und man sie zu Beginn sexuell sehr anziehend fand) irgendwann nicht mehr so begehrt? Wie passt die reduzierte
sexuelle Anziehung mit dennoch starken Gefühlen zusammen? Oder bin ich hier auf dem Holzweg.

I need a bit more understanding here. From someone who knows how a PA feels. I‘ve been with PA who has lied to me for 3 years about it. When I found out I broke up with him, since I could simply not forgive the lies and secrecy and the fact that I would never be able to fully trust this person again. We also had other issues.
One thing though stuck with me, I think I‘m a fairly attractive person (at least that was what I‘ve always received as feedback), but I would describe myself more like the lean type. The stuff I discovered he was looking at however was almost the exact opposite of me and very curvy. Is there a type that a PA has and if so why would your not go for the same type in real life? He swore he loved me, found me extremely attractive and it had nothing to do with it. In fact he would compliment me all the time. All his ex girlfriends also were more my body type. But still I just can’t fully get over it, that he seemed to search the complete opposite. He said he looked into different things and /ratemyboobs happens to be a page where people would send a lot of nudes. And he was mainly into the act of people actively sending something rather than their looks itself. Does that make any sense? Can anyone give a bit of insight?

I broke up with him after discovering his PA and that he had lied to me during our entire relationship. I really thought he was the one, he was about to propose and our breakup ended with him even showing me the ring he just had bought for me.
I can’t get over how much I trusted this person, how blind I was or how much I lied to myself that everything was ok. In hindsight there were so many red flags and moments where I should have stood up for myself. But I believed his gaslighting and manipulation and I just can’t believe I am/was that person. I feel so weak, like someone I could have never believed I could be. I know he was an exceptional liar, but still- how could I not see it! I think I was driven by desperately wanted kids and get married, and I don’t know how to ever trust myself again after this. Especially since now 3 years later I feel even more pressure to find „the one“. Any advice?