u/Effective-Refuse5354

I was asked by a close friend to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. The other three bridesmaids are her best friends — basically her tight-knit clique. I’ve known her a long time and thought we were close too, but this whole wedding season made me realize what a bitch she is.

Here’s a rundown of everything that happened:

•I spent over $1,500 on her 3-day destination joint bachelorette/bachelor trip out of state. After the trip, her clique decided the groomsmen and bridal party (8 people) should also pay the bride and groom’s share — an extra $350 on top of what I’d already spent.

•I brought my own bridesmaid dress.

•We got into multiple fights because I couldn’t make it to her dress fitting and bridal shower— I had job interviews I needed to prepare for. Her clique made it to every fitting, of course.

•Her clique also handled a lot of the actual wedding coordination for her — vendor communication and other planning tasks so im sure thats where alot of her point of contention came ofrom

•Another fight started when my husband asked a simple logistical question — whether the rehearsal dinner was paid for — and the bride told him not to bother coming, assuming he was trying to mooch a free meal. She only backtracked and re-invited him once she realized it was just a normal question.

•She wanted to charge guests $150 if they no-showed the wedding, and her clique fully encouraged it.

•She scheduled the rehearsal for 11am on a workday, then the rehearsal dinner for 6pm — at a venue two hours from where everyone lives. Everyone had to take PTO and just sit around for 7 hours with nothing to do in between, when she easily could’ve scheduled the rehearsal later in the day.

•On the wedding day, after taking photos of all the bridesmaids together, she asked specifically for a photo of just her and her clique — leaving me standing there awkwardly off to the side.

• In her thank you speech, she thanked all her bridal party and named her bridesmaid except for me.

•At the end of the night, she made the groomsmen clean up all the flowers themselves so she wouldn’t have to pay the venue’s $400 cleanup fee.

• She barely spoke to me the entire wedding day.

• I was purposely left out of multiple group pictures.

Honestly, I wanted to drop out as a bridesmaid at several points along the way. But I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, and I think part of me worried she wouldn’t have enough people to ask if I backed out. So I stuck it out.

Now I’m just sitting here having spent $1,500+ of my own money to be treated like an afterthought at someone else’s wedding. I feel soooooo stupid for not listening to my gut sooner.

TL;DR: Spent over $1.5k and dealt with months of drama to be a bridesmaid for a friend, only to get iced out and left out of photos and speeches on her actual wedding day by her. I just wanna cry because i am so stupid

I was asked by a close friend to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. The other three bridesmaids are her best friends — basically her tight-knit clique. I’ve known her a long time and thought we were close too, but this whole wedding season made me realize what a bitch she is.

Here’s a rundown of everything that happened:

•I spent over $1,500 on her 3-day destination joint bachelorette/bachelor trip out of state. After the trip, her clique decided the groomsmen and bridal party (8 people) should also pay the bride and groom’s share — an extra $350 on top of what I’d already spent.

•I brought my own bridesmaid dress.

•We got into multiple fights because I couldn’t make it to her dress fitting and bridal shower— I had job interviews I needed to prepare for. Her clique made it to every fitting, of course.

•Her clique also handled a lot of the actual wedding coordination for her — vendor communication and other planning tasks so im sure thats where alot of her point of contention came ofrom

•Another fight started when my husband asked a simple logistical question — whether the rehearsal dinner was paid for — and the bride told him not to bother coming, assuming he was trying to mooch a free meal. She only backtracked and re-invited him once she realized it was just a normal question.

•She wanted to charge guests $150 if they no-showed the wedding, and her clique fully encouraged it.

•She scheduled the rehearsal for 11am on a workday, then the rehearsal dinner for 6pm — at a venue two hours from where everyone lives. Everyone had to take PTO and just sit around for 7 hours with nothing to do in between, when she easily could’ve scheduled the rehearsal later in the day.

•On the wedding day, after taking photos of all the bridesmaids together, she asked specifically for a photo of just her and her clique — leaving me standing there awkwardly off to the side.

•At the end of the night, she made the groomsmen clean up all the flowers themselves so she wouldn’t have to pay the venue’s $400 cleanup fee.

• In her thank you speech, she thanked all her bridal party and named her bridesmaid except for me.

• She barely spoke to me the entire wedding day.

• I was purposely left out of multiple group pictures.

Honestly, I wanted to drop out as a bridesmaid at several points along the way. But I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, and I think part of me worried she wouldn’t have enough people to ask if I backed out. So I stuck it out.

Now I’m just sitting here having spent $1,500+ of my own money to be treated like an afterthought at someone else’s wedding. I feel soooooo stupid for not listening to my gut sooner.

TL;DR: Spent over $1.5k and dealt with months of drama to be a bridesmaid for a friend, only to get iced out and left out of photos and speeches on her actual wedding day by her. This makes me hate people and weddings and I just wanna cry for being so stupid.

I was asked by a close friend to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. The other three bridesmaids are her best friends — basically her tight-knit clique. I’ve known her a long time and thought we were close too, but this whole wedding season made me realize what a bitch she is.

Here’s a rundown of everything that happened:

•I spent over $1,500 on her 3-day destination joint bachelorette/bachelor trip out of state. After the trip, her clique decided the groomsmen and bridal party (8 people) should also pay the bride and groom’s share — an extra $350 on top of what I’d already spent.

•I brought my own bridesmaid dress.

•We got into multiple fights because I couldn’t make it to her dress fitting and bridal shower— I had job interviews I needed to prepare for. Her clique made it to every fitting, of course.

•Her clique also handled a lot of the actual wedding coordination for her — vendor communication and other planning tasks so im sure thats where alot of her point of contention came ofrom

•Another fight started when my husband asked a simple logistical question — whether the rehearsal dinner was paid for — and the bride told him not to bother coming, assuming he was trying to mooch a free meal. She only backtracked and re-invited him once she realized it was just a normal question.

•She wanted to charge guests $150 if they no-showed the wedding, and her clique fully encouraged it.

•She scheduled the rehearsal for 11am on a workday, then the rehearsal dinner for 6pm — at a venue two hours from where everyone lives. Everyone had to take PTO and just sit around for 7 hours with nothing to do in between, when she easily could’ve scheduled the rehearsal later in the day.

•On the wedding day, after taking photos of all the bridesmaids together, she asked specifically for a photo of just her and her clique — leaving me standing there awkwardly off to the side.

•At the end of the night, she made the groomsmen clean up all the flowers themselves so she wouldn’t have to pay the venue’s $400 cleanup fee.

• In her thank you speech, she thanked all her bridal party and named her bridesmaid except for me.

• She barely spoke to me the entire wedding day.

• I was purposely left out of multiple group pictures.

Honestly, I wanted to drop out as a bridesmaid at several points along the way. But I didn’t want to ruin the friendship, and I think part of me worried she wouldn’t have enough people to ask if I backed out. So I stuck it out.

Now I’m just sitting here having spent $1,500+ of my own money to be treated like an afterthought at someone else’s wedding. I feel soooooo stupid for not listening to my gut sooner.

TL;DR: Spent over $1.5k and dealt with months of drama to be a bridesmaid for a friend, only to get iced out and left out of photos and speeches on her actual wedding day by her. I just wanna cry because i am so stupid

Because they say executives hate dashboards

I accepted being a bridesmaid for a close friend. She and her MOH planned a 3-night/4-day bachelorette trip to New Orleans (we’re all from California, so flights + hotel on top of everything). The group is 10 people total — the bride, her 3 best friends (who are all much closer to her than I am), the groom and his groomsmen.

The MOH organized a really packed itinerary — lots of bar hopping, activities, lunches, and dinner. Going in, I assumed all costs would be split 10 ways.
After the trip, the MOH sent out a payment breakdown and said we’d be covering the bride AND the groom’s share, so everything gets split 8 ways instead of 10. I googled it and apparently this is pretty customary for bachelorette trips — but no one told me this before the trip. Not in the group chat, not in any planning convos, nothing.

All in, I’m looking at close to $3,000 for this trip if I pay for bride and groom (versus $2000 or even $1500 if i pay my own share). If I had known upfront that’s what it would cost, I honestly would not have gone. The bride has been pretty difficult this entire wedding season and our friendship has taken a hit.

So now I’m stuck. The trip already happened. I don’t want to blow up the friendship or cause drama in the bridal party, but I also feel blindsided and a little taken advantage of.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do I just pay it and move on? Is it reasonable to push back and say I wasn’t told about this arrangement? So far everyone agreed and no one has pushed back so I feel even if I try my success rate is low. How would you handle this?

I accepted being a bridesmaid for a close friend. She and her MOH planned a 3-night/4-day bachelorette trip to New Orleans (we’re all from California, so flights + hotel on top of everything). The group is 10 people total — the bride, her 3 best friends (who are all much closer to her than I am), the groom and his groomsmen.

The MOH organized a really packed itinerary — lots of bar hopping, activities, lunches, and dinners.
After the trip, the MOH sent out a payment breakdown and said we’d be covering the bride AND the groom’s share, so everything gets split 8 ways instead of 10. I googled it and apparently this is pretty customary for bachelorette trips — but no one told me this before the trip. Not in the group chat, not in any planning convos, nothing.

All in, I’m looking at close to $3,000 for this trip if I pay for bride and groom (versus $2000 or even $1500 if i pay my own share). If I had known upfront that’s what it would cost, I honestly would not have gone. The bride has been pretty difficult this entire wedding season and our friendship has taken a hit.

So now I’m stuck. The trip already happened. I don’t want to blow up the friendship or cause drama in the bridal party, but I also feel blindsided and a little taken advantage of.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Do I just pay it and move on? Is it reasonable to push back and say I wasn’t told about this arrangement and should only pay a 1/10 share? So far everyone agreed and no one has pushed back so I feel even if I try my success rate is low. How would you handle this?