u/ElrondTheHater

Is the gottman method bad for people like me?

I was in couple's therapy for two years and the therapist would constantly send me into "freeze" to the point of being unable to speak and then berated me for being unable to speak. It is not new that I am unable to speak in conflict and it's not even really limited to conflict. If I am able to force myself to speak during these times my speech comes out slurred and confused. For years I would go to individual therapists and be unable to talk for 30-40 minutes and then talk about nothing, or let them talk at me, for the rest of the time, because I was literally unable to speak about anything important to them. Even once when I was 18 I left and never returned to a therapist because I was unable to speak and they berated me, telling me I was wasting their time by only being able to sob and not speak. The only way I've started to become comfortable with my current therapist was because they were able to read things I had written, which all my therapists before would refuse to do.

I recently learned that this therapist was probably practicing the "Gottman Method" and that this method considers this to be "stonewalling" and as the most dire sign of relationship failure, meaning all other relationship failure signs are present (and we were just hiding them?). So is that what this is, even when it occurs outside of relationships and outside of relationship conflict? Is there a type of couples therapy that can work with people like me, or is this a sign that I am just not cut out for relationships?

I was in couple's therapy for two years and the therapist would constantly send me into "freeze" to the point of being unable to speak and then berated me for being unable to speak. It is not new that I am unable to speak in conflict and it's not even really limited to conflict. If I am able to force myself to speak during these times my speech comes out slurred and confused. For years I would go to individual therapists and be unable to talk for 30-40 minutes and then talk about nothing, or let them talk at me, for the rest of the time, because I was literally unable to speak about anything important to them. Even once when I was 18 I left and never returned to a therapist because I was unable to speak and they berated me, telling me I was wasting their time by only being able to sob and not speak. The only way I've started to become comfortable with my current therapist was because they were able to read things I had written, which all my therapists before would refuse to do.

I recently learned that this therapist was probably practicing the "Gottman Method" and that this method considers this to be "stonewalling" and as the most dire sign of relationship failure, meaning all other relationship failure signs are present (and we were just hiding them?). So is that what this is, even when it occurs outside of relationships and outside of relationship conflict? Is there a type of couples therapy that can work with people like me, or is this a sign that I am just not cut out for relationships?