r/rarelesbians

Im just tired of seeing constant "Happy Pride! Reminder! If you have any attraction to men you cant identify as a lesbian!" Or "Happy Pride! Reminder if youre not 100% a woman you cant identify as a lesbian!" Its exhausting. One of my biggest issues with it is what does gatekeeping lables even do? God forbid a bisexual woman refer to herself as a lesbian as a joke or use "bi lesbian" or change her id to lesbian because she is choosing to not date men. Ive noticed a lot of trad lesbians in online spaces consistently yelling these points from the rooftops (and/or harassing bi women who do any of the things i stated), while irl I have never expirienced a sapphic event where the specifics of your label mattered. Like are we really putting this much energy into making sure people "identify correctly" ??

Also everyone is allowed pref ofc, but is it just me or do people who say they're les4les often mean theyre bi/transphobic? it doesnt make much sense to me because what about a bisexual woman's attraction to men makes her so different from a lesbian? (and ive seen a lot of les4les specifically not include trans women bc "genital preference" which im not saying is inherently bad, just usually a red flag ime)

I understand not wanting to date people who center men/patriarchy but that has nothing to do with your sexual orientation and everything to do with if a person has deconstructed patriarchy. I feel so often these conversations kind of build this stereotype of bi women where they aren't able to have a fulfilling relationship with another woman because of their attraction to men, which imo feels pretty biphobic and built on the "promiscuous bisexual" stereotype, especially if the relationship is theoretically monogamous.

And what is so sacred about the term lesbian that so many trad lesbians dont want bisexual women to use it, even in a joking manner, or just to refer to the fact that they are into women/as a political identifier as its been used forever?

Overall, it feels like chronically online ID politics that harm our community more than help it. Have you guys seen this type of rhetoric everywhere? Do you respond to people or just ignore? If you respond what do you say?

Also if you think im really off base with the les4les thing please let me know as im still trying to figure out my thoughts on it. Im generally t4t so I understand dynamics like that but to me its like, bisexual women aren't inherently a lesbian woman's oppressor if that makes sense? At least not in the same way that a cis person is to a trans person. Preferences are highly personal so im never going to say someone cant do something, but it gives me red flag vibes.

I (22F, cis) have been hopping between sapphic, bi, demi and grey for so long that I don't even know if my attraction even has a pattern (except homosexuality, I always found women physically attractive) especially as I have only began discovering my queerness while I started a relationship with my male best friend.

But sometimes it feels like my attraction is fixated on people I know well vs on people I don't know at all/ barely know. In my teens, I had a crush on two BFF girls that I got to know very deeply once we knew each other's minds basically, and a crush on a guy from my old friend group (the difference is I barely knew him and I crushed more on an ideal version of him than his real self, I partially blame shoujo romance anime for this, also turned out in the end that he's gay) and I had big Heartbreak from losing my first BFF (reconnected later but she's straight and after all that time she changed a lot ofc) and another Heartbreak due to the guy crush (recovered pretty quickly from it though it still hurt), for the last Best Friend the relationship was very unstable so it was easier to deal with it after and after leaving school she basically ghosted me.

Fiction-wise I enjoy straight and wlw material but am quite mlm averse, but I heard fiction isn't very telling.

So romantically I would guess I go into the bi territory but there's a heavy demi blanket on it, sexually it's similar but the focus is more on women I think? Also, can demisexuality include deep and steep relationships but not inbetween? I do feel attracted to strangers a bit too though that's more rare.

It sometimes just seems like being grey, I cannot pinpoint it. Especially since being in a relationship with my boyfriend my attraction also sometimes jumps off. There's always a phase where I have to second guess the relationship cause my attraction fades. Now add the fact that I learnt about the possibility of me being queer while I was in the relationship, and here we have the chaos soup.

(also I have been molested in the past but I worked thru a good piece of it, if this has any relevance)

Hi! I do just want to understand more on genderfluid, pangender, and other mulitgenders how can they be lesbians?

(Also understand mulitgenders in general)

I hope this is not disrespectful at all, I'm just genuinely curious that's all.

edit meant discussion not poll

We have noticed an increase in AGAB/ASAB language within this sub so we would like to add to it. This server aims to be a safe space for lesbians of types (This includes lesbians who don’t fall under or want to be seen under a specific gender category) so we have decided that this subreddit will limit the use of gendered language simply because it is unimportant and unnecessary discomfort that it causes. This includes lesbians who don’t fall under or want to be seen under a specific gender category

This means that AGAB/ASAB language, while not completely banned(Such as in discussing your own transition journey), will not be accepted how it once was. You will be given examples on to rephrase posts or comments. This means that while we understand genital preference, conversations around this topic are banned. We are not amab or afab lesbians, we are just lesbians

following this rule 7 will be enforced more strictly with this in mind

So, I'm AFAB and genderfaun (mainly identifying as genderless) and female to male, but I'm pre-transition, so I still have a female body, and so I still connect to the lesbian label. Because, technically speaking, I'm a female who likes other females. Also, calling myself a hetero trans man doesn't make me feel comfortable in my identity.

Would it be correct to call myself lesboy or simply just a lesbian?

Because I also feel like neptunic isn't right either…