u/Delululu-lusions

This is more of a vent; so feel free to skip if you aren't in the mood but gowrl, I NEEDED to get this off my chest.

I accidentally came across a transphobic post in some other sub that annoyed me, so saying this as a cis lesbian;

YOU CANNOT, AND I MEAN CANNOT, IDENTIFY AS A FEMINIST IF YOU DON'T SUPPORT QUEER RIGHTS!

The whole point of feminism is to deconstruct the patriarchy and deprogram ourselves from that hypertradition bullshit, and yet for SOME reason TERFS cling onto Bioessentialist bullshit that THE PATRIARCHY TAUGHT THEM. Trans women ARE women, trans men ARE men and non-binary people ARE neither!

Transphobia and homophobia are things the patriarchy taught us and TERFS seem to cling to it without even realising. Being a TERF is just cis washing feminism so it's more digestible for other cis people, such as myself, and it's disgusting! Trans and genderqueer people have been here since fucking JESUS, we just didn't have a word for it. Being trans is NOT something that someone can choose to be, just like how a cis woman cannot be forced to shun her womanhood for the sake of a man!

It pisses me off especially now bc I've been doing my best to deprogram and really dig into Transfeminism and how important it is to the broader feminism as a whole regardless of how I identify, which means these people COULD learn but they just don't want to??? I was transphobic as a child without realising it but I managed to change, so why can't these people do the fucking same?

But yeah, to be blunt; if you only support a select group of women, you are NOT a feminist. Because you are the same type of person, who if born a man (imo), that would do nothing to protect women's rights, liberties or freedoms because you yourself already have plenty privileges. You are a pawn in the patriarchy, so deprogram! TERFS are pawns of the oppressors and will only continue to hinder the progress earlier feminist movements managed to fight for.

TERFS are cowards!

🏳️‍⚧️❤️🏳️‍🌈

This is primarily a question for queer/trans people and for people of colour here in the subreddit; but what are some good books that help explain your experience in the world? I'm white, and I think cisgendered, though I'm unsure lol.

I would just love it if I could get some book recommendations, that, or for anyone to write down their experiences with being trans, ethnic minority or ect. I've tried asking in other subreddits, but not many saw my post unfortunately.

Please and thank you!

Hello gorgeous guys, gals and non-binary pals!

I posted here a bit ago, and I received some criticisms in my post for how I worded some things (completely valid and smart criticism btw) and that has me thinking,

What are some things cisgendered people do that ABSOLUTELY piss you off? Or just mildly irritate you.

I'm a recently out sapphic with no sexual experience with cis or trans ladies, so I'm trying my best to keep an open mind before I have any preferences or misconceptions develop and whatnot.

Also, I am neurodivergent, so just be as direct as possible in your responses if possible so I can understand them better.

I am very much curious to have DM conversations with Trans peeps so I can get a better understanding of y'all's experience. Much love!

Edit: for reading all the extremely insightful comments that have been left on this post, it has come to my attention that I still do have little tidbits of transphobia myself that I need to learn to unpack. Some other people have also said that I'm caring too much about what random people on the internet think, and you're right. But that's because this topic in specific has gone to be rather important to me. In a world dominated by men, women are subjugated. No matter what kind of woman you are.

I myself am a very young lesbian, and some people within the comments have read, I have not had any relationships before. Growing up neurodivergent, relationships have always been very confusing for me. And now I'm beginning to understand that growing up different is usually what makes life a little harder. Trans women deserve happiness with other women. And ironically enough, these comments have given me real questions to reflect on. And as a result, I've discovered that I would actually date a trans woman if I loved her. Because she's a woman and I'm a lesbian. I just really wanted to make this edit to actually thank the people that have been criticizing how I've worded my current post, and to have continuously questioned me as well. It only proves that this space is actually doing something right. It's letting trans women call me out on my bullshit.

I'm always going to have a different understanding of womanhood compared to other women, regardless of their own gender identity. But I do know that I love women. And barring others from loving the same people as I do, is not a world I want to live in. Thank you to everyone who pitched in to give me their two cents, and to also help me further understand the weird little bits of bio essentialism I myself have been clinging to. And I've been clinging to them because they're comfortable for me. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they're good for me. Or for the people that I really hope I can have in my life someday. I'm going to keep this post up so that way some people can look back. Maybe even read the same questions that these women have asked me and reflect themselves.

Many of you probably think that this is some kind of weird guilt fueled cisgendered pandering. And maybe it is. And maybe that's why it's so important that I continue to expose myself to other forms of womanhood that I normally wouldn't be able to learn about if I didn't. You are women. You are beautiful. And you sure as hell don't need some random validation from a cisgendered lesbian to know that. But I hope that you all can understand I'm trying my best. Because you gals deserve my best, as does any woman I would be in a relationship with, regardless of her gender identity.

Thanks to everyone for playing an important role in my own understanding of my fellow women. I don't really know if you guys actually understand how much it means to me knowing that I can get straight answers from people who just want to be understood. And I'm actually getting a little emotional typing this out. But yeah. Thanks everyone. Love you all. ♥

TW: in this? transphobia is openly discussed, so any transgender or gender queer lesbians, please be careful reading this.

So I posted something to the r / ask lesbians community, specifically inquiring about my own attraction or if my preferences for genitalia could be considered transphobic. Which I now know are not.

The amount of trans misogyny on this subreddit is fucking insane. I was basically talking about my dating preferences, and I was worried that not being attracted to a trans woman before bottom surgery was transphobic of me because I'm just not attracted to phallus'. But there is so much gender essentialist bull crap on here, and some people even said I was actually bisexual because I would happily date a transgender woman who has had bottom surgery and who has been on HRT for a while, specifically because she fits my dating preferences.

I am so sick of seeing trans woman have their transness be held against them. Trans women ARE women. It is honestly so upsetting how some of the lesbian community really had to create this fictional Boogeyman that is trans woman and Trans femme people in order to actually get along. In the end, divisions like this is how fascism and how genuinely discriminatory behavior seeps through the cracks. I have yet to meet a trans woman online, or in person, that has taken my lack of attraction personally.

This is more so a rant because despite the fact that I myself and a cis lesbian, shitting on trans women for having a different experience of femininity and their own womanhood is deplorable. Trans women are, and always have been, women. The only difference is that they discovered it a little later than cisgendered women, because whether we like it or not, as cisgendered women, we do actually have the privilege of experiencing and exploring our own version of womanhood early on because we fit the typical mold. Trans women are not afforded that luxury. And it's screwed up that we're holding someone else's experience of womanhood and femininity against them just because it's different.

For the record, I just turned 17 a little under a week ago, but yesterday was when I finally celebrated with my mum, her sister, her older brother and his wife.

I was cutting my steak and separating the fatty bits(I'm Autistic and it's major sensory issue), and my uncle asked what I was doing and I explained it by saying 'I can't eat fat' and he then said 'too bad for your husband'.

I know it was just a joke. But that just made me so god damn uncomfortable.

I'm a vocalist, and I recently turned 17 this month! I've been told by my teacher that I should be gig ready, but I'm unsure as to how I can actually find places willing to hire me! Does anyone have some advice for how I can start off or where I can look for actual paid singing opportunities?

I've been told that I sound gig ready by my teacher (yay), and I mainly do classical and jazz, but the issue is is that I have absolutely no clue where to go considering I don't know an instrument aside from my voice and that I'm a minor (17). Does anyone have an idea as to how I could start or where I should start looking? I just wanna make some mowny doing what I actually love for a little while. >:(

I've been told by my teacher that I sound gig ready to sum it up; but the issue is is that 1, I'm a vocalist, and 2, I have absolutely no idea where to find work as someone who might be considered underage for most places (17).

I would seriously appreciate some advice in trying to find work!

NSFW warning ahead yall!

So, for context, I've figured out I'm a bisexual woman! (Yay)

The main thing is, I have this very specific attraction towards gay/queer men? Like, obviously queer masculine people are people and your lives can be just as hard or easy as anyone else's, but for some reason, I just find you guys incredibly attractive? I have no intention of pulling a James Charles and trying to 'convert' you guys bc that stuff is stupid and wrong, but I just find gay or mlm men to be very attractive! I love knowing there are men out there who feel and relate to me regarding the complexities that come with loving a man or having intimacy, especially if they prefer to take on the more submissive role too bc it makes me feel comforted knowing that men experience a similar form of vulnerability you get when with a man. I also just find it, for lack of a better word, pretty sexy because in order to be gay, you have to be *honest*! You have to be yourself and be open with what you enjoy and try to face your fears to be yourself, which I find very attractive! And, for the record; this goes for femme and masculine identifying queer men too!

Also, as a bi person; if I'm ever masturbating, I can ONLY watch gay or lesbian material. Straight porn is so eugh— though I know porn overall is objectifying and is often an unrealistic depiction of sex.

My main question is; is it okay I experience this attraction to queer men? (In a real life situation, I'd only pursue a bi or pan man if I happened to be attracted to a queer man that I meet btw)

I'm definitely sure I'm Sapphic; but I've noticed there's sexual attraction towards very feminine men or Nb people who might have a phallus as long as they're feminine presenting as well? I'm not sure what microlabel this might be under the lesbian/sapphic umbrella, so I'd appreciate some advice here, y'all!

Hello everyone! For context, I am queer myself, (lesbian), but I'm pretty uneducated in topics like transfeminism unfortunately, as well as probably having some internalised misogyny.

I recently left a comment on a transfemininist post on r/Feminism(the topic itself was about how AGAB terms could be used to subtly dismiss and misgender trans people in some discussions), and I was surprised to see how many people disagreed with me, but it really did open my eyes to how little LGBTQ people I have in my life besides my friends.

I've posted a few times here before and have received some backslash due to how ignorant my questions came across, which although hurtful at the time, I now understand it was simply because I was wrong instead of anyone outright dog piling on me for it. So, I would really appreciate if anyone willing to could provide me with some book recommendations or articles to read up on regarding transfeminism and topics similar to that.

Please and thank you for your patience for reading this. <:)

This is me more so being all happy finally figuring out my feelings, as I've taken a quiz recently that is specifically for lesbians who may be going through compulsory heterosexuality and it SHOOK ME to my core(you can find it on youtube by the channel Sixth Spence)!The questions called me out to where I finally self-reflected on it, and I've concluded I'm a massive girl kisser(yay)!

(Max score was 300 and I scored a 281 lmao)

I'm a demi-sexual lesbian! The demi-sexual aspect of it is what confused me since I do often feel intense romantic pulls to women I've known before, but sexual thoughts never came naturally to me unless the possibility of a relationship was attainable. So, yeah! :D When I'm 18 nest year, I'm probably going to visit my first gay club with my bff (who is a proud lesbian) to celebrate!

Happy late pride everyone, and thanks for reading this small update on a baby queer ♥

I've had two or three incidents that make it difficult for me to interact with men and boys my age as a result, and for ref, I'm 16 yrs as of last year.

My first incident was one where I was just at a small convenience store I had maybe been to once or twice before. I was just purchasing a chocolate bar and some water from what I could remember, and then, the man behind the counter attempted to strike up a conversations with me. He said he recognised me from Newtown(a very young adult/hip place in my home city), and I, not knowing him, just kind of nodded along awkwardly and waited for my chocolate bar. Then he asked for my instagram. I gently refused him, telling him that I was a minor. And I crap you not. He just went 'that's okay'. He was smiling too. I can't tell if he went 'that's okay' because was just accepting my rejection, or if he was implying he didn't care for my age. I left woth my chocolate and water and I haven't been back since.

Second incident was at a wedding, and I actually felt pretty for the first time in a while. I was around 15 at the time, and while listening to music at the reception, and man around 50 or so approached me and began to make conversation with me. For the record, I'm neurodivergent, so I didn't really understand what was going on. Luckily enough, my mother and her twin sister swooped in to make sure I was okay. But that wasn't it. Later on in the night, I was interacting with a friend of the man in question, and my mother was there as well. Upon realising I was a minor, his face paled, and he immediately warned my mother to keep me away from Spanish and Mexican men (he and the other man were Hispanic themselves), warning her that I would be flirted with because of how pretty I was. Later on, that man ended up flirting with me while drunk after I asked a question about his marridal status, because there had been a woman with both him and the first man who approached me. Turns out... That woman was the first man's WIFE. Later on, the first man slipped me some of his contact information in a handshake, and when we were saying our goodbyes, he leant in an whispered right into my ear 'I can make you very happy. I can fly you out to LA so we can spend some time together, I'll treat you very well'. So, I was basically invited to be a sugar baby. His wife probably knew. Mind you, the first man might not have known I was a minor, but I wouldn't understand why his friend wouldn't have told him my age considering his friend knew about it at some point.

The third and final incident that still makes me upset is when I was at a relatively Muslim neighbourhood with my friend, I was verbally harassed. I was dressed as Betty Boop for Halloween, and my friend was dressed as Mavis from Hotel Transylvania and her BF was Johnny. Basically, I was the only one who noticed it since they were trying to figure out directions for us to get to a party hosted by another friend of mine before two boys around my age or older walked up to us and went 'You f#cking f#ggts are gonna rot in hell, stupid f#cking f#ggts' before they just walked away. All because we were wearing Halloween costumes.

I was also bullied pretty bad by a group of boys in school, and ironically enough, despite the fact I'm a cis woman, I ended up adhering to toxic masculinity as a result in order to get them to leave me alone. So, there's that too, but this post has been long enough already.

I'm just genuinely really upset. Mainly because I absolutely love children and I'm a hopeless romantic at heart, but at the current state of the world, I don't know if I can fall in love or have children in such a toxic society. I don't want my husband or wife to get silly ideas, and I don't want my son to grow up to be a misogynist or my daughter to grow up and be abused due to patriarchal standards. I know I'm still young and have a lot of growing to do, but I'm just so worried...

Mentioning of NSFW topics, reader discretion is advised! Skip if needed!

For ref, I'm a virgin, so I don't have any sexual experiences just uet to go off of!

This is so weird, or, to me it is anyway?

When Masturbating, I usually look up visual stimuli to help my arousal, and honestly... I'm really confused. For some reason, vulva's just look so disgusting to me?( For reference, I'm a woman myself) Like, I genuinely don't get aroused at all watching anything Sapphic, even when u do find Saphhic pornography actually MADE for lesbians. I get only really get aroused if I'm watching men for some reason, and they can look like ANYTHING. Skinny, big, muscular, small penis, average, large— and I will find them attractive and get turned on. But in real life? N o p e. I get more so uncomfortable around them, and when I do feel safe around men, it's kind of like how you feel around a comfortable character from your favourite show. In real life, I have had 3 or so crushes on women, and I say this confidently, I would happily have sex with any woman. But for some reason, when I do look at sapphic porn and the vulvas involved, I just get grossed tf out. Not even their fault obviously, it's my problem! I'm just worried if I may have unrealistic standards for female partners in comparison to potential male partners. And if you're wondering, no, race doesn't matter to me, so that's not what I'm worried about. Sometimes I wonder if I just need to have a more emotional connection with a woman rather than with a man before I feel sexually attracted to them or not. I'm just really lost right now and could use some advice! ;^;

Do Lesbians often feel the need to conform to gender roles placed within their own community? Question goes for anyone who identifies as gay too

Do you guys sometimes, or ever have, felt the need to conform to a butch/fem dynamic or a twink/daddy thing?

I was talking to my psychologist a little be ago, and I couldn't help but wonder how queer-imposed gender norms have affected y'all! Obviously it's to fit in a more heteronormative lens for straight people, but I imagine it's a serious issue amongst some of you dudes, dudettes and dude labelled peeps.

Quick rephrase before misinterpreted; do gay/queer people feel the need to conform to masc/femme dynamics as a result of heteronormative gender norms imposed on society as a whole?

ANOTHER REPHRASE (lol); do lesbian/gay people feel the need to conform to masc/femme relationships to be more digestible for heteronormative standards?

Edit: I see now that quite a few people disagree with me for some pretty understandable reasons. I genuinely don't quite understand some, as I meant I'm referral to if some Lesbian (I focus on sapphic in this question primarily because I'm a woman) might actually prefer to be femme but may feel pressured to preform a more masculine role because of internalised homophobia? I'm just asking because that was genuinely the case with me so far in my own experiences with women. I was just hoping to see if someone might have felt the same, I really didn't mean to imply queer people exist for straight people's observation, but I can see now how it probably came across this way.

Edit 2: the replies have been pretty educational honestly. Thanks for the responses guys! I'd appreciate more so I can learn how to deprogram myself from this way of thinking to be either a better ally or be more comfortable exploring my own possible queerness. Thanks everyone! :D