Hey guys, it’s time to dust off my rollerblades now.
Anyone have tips for nice routes, with some good and smooth pavement in or around Ams? Also not too busy, I don’t wanna die lol. Especially near Noord 😊
Dag, door mijn handicap kan ik niet goed horen. Dit betekent dat veel banen voor mij helaas 10x zo veel moeite kosten en het simpelweg niet haalbaar is voor mij, vooral banen zoals kantoor, in een winkel, of horeca, waarbij je veel moet verstaan en communiceren.
Ben benieuwd of jullie mensen kennen met hetzelfde, wat zij doen, en ander advies/tips/aanraders :) Graag alleen dingen in NL!
Hey everyone,
I’ve been together with my DX partner for 4 years now. And most of it has been truly wonderful, I think my partner is always working hard to improve himself and his life and that has really paid off. I always try to talk to him whenever something’s not going well and he always does his best to listen. I truly appreciate his overflowing energy.
He’s been diagnosed very young and his parents did medicate him, but it put him to sleep often and he forgot a lot of his childhood due to the heavy medication, and that really traumatised him. He did have treatment for trauma and ADHD but hasn’t had any other treatment ever since. However, to him, MDMA feels like his medication and we did try that together. Then I did see another version of him, and I like both, but I can also see how medication kind of… dulls him down. Maybe I’m seeing that wrong though. He does seem more relaxed and calm and maybe I’m just not used to that. And it’s probably not entirely the same?
There is one recurring issue though, and it’s been difficult. I find it hard to explain because it’s so nuanced… and sometimes it’s in the small things that keep repeating. But basically, sometimes I miss that he meets me where I am at certain moments.
That if I’m a bit more quiet, we can just “be” together. That I don’t feel the need to be happy or interesting or energetic or funny all the time to deserve his attention.
I’ve been going through a tough time myself, and he tries to help me a lot, but if I don’t accept his help or don’t get better immediately, it’s like it’s not good enough. And on the other hand, my bids for attention often go unnoticed or even a bit ignored (even though I know he doesn’t mean it like that).
So it’s a difficult thing where he feels like it’s unfair to him (a lot of stuff feels very unfair to him, likely RSD probably?) because he feels like he puts in the work and tries to help, and for me it’s hard to say that that’s not what I need. I’m just trying to tell him, I need more space, whether that’s physical, in conversation, or just “being” together without the need for extra dopamine.
Are my expectations unrealistic? We did have a good conversation about it, and he did seem to realise that he was becoming a bit egoistic with it all, that most of the communication is very focused on his side, or what he thinks I need.
We used the metaphor of planets, and I tried to explain that I often orbit his planet and he doesn’t often come to orbit mine, even though my planet might be a bit different, a bit more quiet, and maybe has the price of some boredom (which is hopefully worth it? You know?). And that overtime, my planet becomes a bit lonely and hurt like this. As if I only deserve attention if I’m doing well, or when I’m interesting enough.
It took a lot of words but I tried to explain the current cycle we are a bit stuck in, cuz this issue does come circling back every once in a while when I feel under appreciated and bring it up. I would like to hear if you had similar experiences and I just really need some more perspective.
Trigger warning: just fyi, i do talk a bit about ED or ED-related topics.
Hey all,
I have this friend (both of us are women, in our 20s) since high school, we became good friends because we shared a lot of the same interests and views on life, but this has kind of shifted ever since and I'm not sure what to do now, it feels complex and convoluted.
During all those years of friendship she's always been depressed. She has gotten help here and there, such as therapy, but it didn't seem to help much. I really feel for her but sometimes it feels like she just latches onto anything negative, whether that's something that happened to her or stuff that's happening in the world. I can understand, but at one point it got too much for me, like 5-6 years ago. We were hanging out and she was just venting all over me, it was too much for me and I said I didn't want to hang out anymore.
Fast forward to 3 years ago, I messaged her about the situation and we started hanging out again. Her life was a whirlwind at that moment, with her graduating and her dad died, which is of course really, really hard. We even went on a trip together, which was fun, but there were also some things that happened. First of all, she made me late to the airport, I had like 10 minutes to board the plane and it was the most stressful thing in my life. And she kissed three dudes while I was there too (I have a boyfriend..). Just a little bit weird.
I'll be honest with you, I think I regret a bit talking to her again. Because it's been one-sided. She doesn't ask me many questions, and seems to always want me to take the lead in conversations. Sometimes it even gets to a point where we are sitting in a restaurant and I have to order for her, because she's shy or scared or something? It makes me feel like her boyfriend and I hate that.
Nowadays, I've been going through a rough time, which lead me to many insights about myself but also about the people around me, and honestly, I find myself not replying to her messages and not really wanting to hang out anymore, because it feels one-sided and I always feel a bit "used" after we hang out. I explicitly told her that for me, it's a bit much right now, and I need some time to myself. She understood but then proceeded to send me a "care package" the next day. Which is very kind, but it feels a bit weird after I told her I needed some space. And it leads to me feeling guilty for wanting that.
I feel bad but I don't think we align anymore. Next to the one-sidedness and feeling used, she's unhappy herself and complains about it all the time, she complains all the time about this bad bad bad world (I agree, but I don't want to constantly think and talk about it), how men suck, how her life sucks, yet she doesn't seem to actively change it. I'm tired of telling her she should follow her dreams, or at least try to. She always has some excuse.
She's constantly bodychecking as well, while she's super skinny and tall, she always seems to be looking for (external) validation. I'm not skinny or tall, just average. But it does trigger me. If you think that harshly about yourself what do you even think of me? I'm tired of her narrative "everything's better when you're skinny", which she has said in conversations multiple times. When we eat she also always leans on me for how much to eat, as if she's scared to eat more than me or something. I'm tired of it because the whole skinny thing is just fabricated by social media and pedos and Epstein imo. We just don't align anymore on these topics.
I'm not sure what to do and I feel like I can't really think clearly about it, of course there are nice memories too but the bad stuff feels like it's overshadowing. I may sound a bit harsh, but I guess I've been keeping this in for too long and have been people pleasing for too long. At the same time we've been friends for 10+ years..