u/Empty_Shallot_3776

I found out at 30-weeks pregnant, around three weeks ago, that my partner had betrayed my trust again. He had been messaging a colleague over the last month, trying to meet up with her behind my back.

I am financially and physically stuck and cannot raise a baby without him at this stage. I keep swinging between waking up crying when it hits me again and going to bed ragingly angry. Baby will be here within 40 days. I have no family support nearby and do not want to move back to my hometown. I have agreed to go to counselling to set up a co-parenting relationship and want the best for my child. I asked him to promise me not to let our child come from a broken home like we did.

But when I look at him.. I feel repulsed. I feel like I don’t recognise him anymore? I was so in love with him, I would have done anything for him, I thought he was the most beautiful man on earth. I was convinced that we would be together forever. I was so excited for our little family. I really thought that he had changed and that he would never do it to me again. But he did. At seven months pregnant.

He keeps telling me that he didn’t have feelings for her, he wasn’t attracted to her, he didn’t have any romantic intentions, that it was platonic, but he understands now that he overstepped boundaries and broke my trust. He tells me that he loves me more than anything and only wants me and our family. But the words just feel meaningless next to his actions. We had very clearly defined boundaries after his previous behaviour - being open, honest and transparent with each other; no messaging without each other’s knowledge; boundaries with female colleagues. The fact that she was a decade younger than him makes me view him like the creepy older men at work that I have experienced in my past, just so unappealing. Like it was so obviously never appropriate that I can’t believe it could be an honest mistake.

Is it normal to feel this way? Is this just shock and anger? Or can you instantly fall out of love? I don’t think I could say I am “in love” with him anymore? I probably do still love him underneath the shock, somewhere. I miss my partner so much, the relationship we had, but I don’t feel like the person I am looking at now is my partner anymore? When he touches me I feel uncomfortable. I miss his hugs and the way he felt, but now it feels alien rather than comforting.

Part of me wants to go back to feeling how I used to, so that we can make it work for our baby. But I just feel absolute rage that he could hurt our child and me this much at this crucial point in our lives. It’s making me scared I’m going mad. I’m scared to hold his hand when baby arrives. I’m scared to rely on him when I need him the most.

My partner betrayed my trust again, sending flirty messages and trying to meet a colleague behind my back. I found out at 30-weeks pregnant, around three weeks ago.

I am financially and physically stuck and cannot raise a baby without him at this stage. I keep swinging between waking up crying when it hits me again and going to bed ragingly angry. Baby will be here within 40 days. I have no family support nearby and do not want to move back to my hometown. I have agreed to go to counselling to set up a co-parenting relationship and want the best for my child. I asked him to promise me not to let our child come from a broken home like we did.

But when I look at him.. I feel repulsed. I feel like I don’t recognise him anymore? I was so in love with him, I would have done anything for him, I thought he was the most beautiful man on earth. I was convinced that he was my soulmate and that we would be together forever. I was so excited for our little family. I really thought that he had changed and that he would never do it to me again. But he did. At seven months pregnant.

He keeps telling me that he didn’t have feelings for her, he wasn’t attracted to her, he didn’t have any romantic intentions “it was just yoga”, but he understands now that he overstepped boundaries and broke my trust. He tells me that he loves me more than anything and only wants me and our family. But the words just feel absolutely meaningless next to his actions. We had very clearly defined boundaries after his previous behaviour - being open, honest and transparent; no messaging without each other’s knowledge; boundaries with female colleagues. The fact that she was a decade younger than him makes me view him as the creepy older men at work that I have experienced in my past. Like it was so obviously never appropriate that I can’t believe it could be an honest mistake.

Is it normal to feel this way? Is this just shock and anger? Or can you instantly fall out of love? I don’t think I could say I am in love anymore. I probably do still love him underneath, somewhere, but I’m struggling to find it now. I miss my partner so much, the relationship we had, but I don’t feel like the person I am looking at now is my partner anymore? When he touches me I feel uncomfortable. I miss his hugs and the way he felt, but now it feels alien rather than comforting.

Part of me wants to go back to feeling how I used to, so that we can make it work for our baby. But I just feel absolute rage that he could hurt our child and me this much at this crucial point in our lives. I’m scared to hold his hand when baby arrives. I’m scared to rely on him when I need him the most.

Looking for some outside perspectives. He states I am overreacting and reading something in to the messages that aren’t there, I feel devastated.

Saw over my partners shoulder in bed a few weeks ago that he had been messaging a younger female colleague (a decade younger than him, and 12-years younger than me) on Instagram over the past four weeks. He has not mentioned her existence to me in the entire time they have worked together, nor that they have been messaging. He says it’s just friendly chatting because he has been to the same yoga studio as her once. He refused to show me their messages initially and, after a big row, left to go to a hotel. He sent me the screenshots of their discussion the following day.

I can’t figure out how to upload the screenshots, but direct quotes include:

- them talking about their shifts: her: “I will be on shift with you then yay” - his reply “ooh I thought I would be off those days, that makes me happy”

- him: “it was sweet of you to stay with me after work (for the protein bar) / her: “oh of course, anything for the protein bar”

- him: “I’ll be sad not to see you at work anymore” / her: “I know :( I’m happy to leave but sad to leave the people there”

- him: “I hope I’ll see you soon even though you’re leaving”

- they plan to arrange going to yoga together. He sends her three pictures of his rota, lots of smiley face emojis and “liking” her messages. One of the days he was supposed to come to a midwife appointment with me.

- he talks about his family visit and implies that he gave them a tour of the city and got them back to the bus station alone. I was with him. I took the week off work to be with them. He then says he did “life admin” - we went for brunch and he walked me to the hospital for my appointment. He sends her photos of the blossoms in the park - he doesn’t mention I was with him.

- she tells him that she has passed her driving test, to which he replies - “maybe someday I’ll get to ride along with you haha”

She has now left the job. I told him to block her and stop all contact. He deleted her. Then I said, no, BLOCK. And he has. Her number is not saved in his phone.

He is apologetic but is saying that I am reading too much in to these messages. But I feel like he is trying to establish an emotional connection with a younger woman and arranging to meet her at yoga - when I was sat at home feeling very unwell, borderline anaemic, at 30-weeks pregnant.

We had a break previously after discussions about having children, and I found out that he was on a dating app at the end of our relationship then. He also had a similar (what felt like an emotional affair) relationship with a woman at his work, which caused repeated issues for us. Alongside lots of following and “liking” fetish pornography on Instagram (he has now stopped this). Part of the agreement of us getting back together was that he promised it would not happen again. He promised me no messaging other women, but he states this is not the same, as she is a colleague. he doesn’t mention me OR BABY once in four weeks in the messages (111 in total), but states that everyone at work is aware that we are having a baby.

I feel betrayed and heartbroken. He says this is an overreaction and he wasn’t trying to pursue anything; that he doesn’t fancy her or have any feelings for her. I don’t know what to do or how to cope with a baby on my own. We don’t have family nearby. I feel so betrayed and that he has stolen the joy from me meeting my first (and likely only) baby. A baby parcel arrived today and I burst in to tears because I feel like the family I thought we had is gone. We both came from divorced homes and I didn’t want that for my child.

How do I move forward with this? I can’t leave at the moment. Is this just hormones? Is this forgivable? Am I overreacting? I feel like I can’t look at him the same anymore and yet I’m going to have a child with him in six weeks. I feel trapped.

Looking for some outside perspectives. He states I am overreacting and reading something in to the messages that aren’t there, I feel devastated.

Saw over my partners shoulder in bed a few weeks ago that he has been messaging a younger colleague (F25) on Instagram over the past four weeks. He has not mentioned her existence to me in the entire time they have worked together, nor that they have been messaging. He says it’s just friendly chatting because he has been to the same yoga studio as her once. He refused to show me their messages initially and, after a big row, left to go to a hotel. He sent me the screenshots of their discussion the following day.

I can’t figure out how to upload the screenshots, but direct quotes include:

\\\\\\\\- them talking about their shifts: her: “I will be on shift with you then yay” - his reply “ooh I thought I would be off those days, that makes me happy”

\\\\\\\\- him: “it was sweet of you to stay with me after work (for the protein bar) / her: “oh of course, anything for the protein bar”

\\\\\\\\- him: “I’ll be sad not to see you at work anymore” / her: “I know :( I’m happy to leave but sad to leave the people there”

\\\\\\\\- him: “I hope I’ll see you soon even though you’re leaving”

\\\\\\\\- they plan to arrange going to yoga together. He sends her three pictures of his rota, lots of smiley face emojis and “liking” her messages. One of the days he was supposed to come to a midwife appointment with me.

\\\\\\\\- he talks about his family visit and implies that he gave them a tour of the city and got them back to the bus station alone. I was with him. I took the week off work to be with them. He then says he did “life admin” - we went for brunch. He sends her photos of the blossoms in the park - he doesn’t mention I was with him.

\\\\\\\\- she tells him that she has passed her driving test, to which he replies - “maybe someday I’ll get to ride along with you haha”

She has now left the job.

He is saying that I am reading too much in to these messages. But I feel like he is trying to establish an emotional connection with a younger woman and arranging to meet her at yoga - when I am sat am home feeling very unwell, at 30-weeks pregnant.

We had a five month break previously after discussions about having children, and I found out that he was on a dating app at the end of our relationship. He also had a similar (what felt like an emotional affair) relationship with a woman at his work, which caused repeated issues for us. He promised it would not happen again. He promised me no messaging other women, but he states this is not the same, as she is a colleague. he doesn’t mention me once in four weeks in the messages (111 in total), but states that everyone at work is aware that we are having a baby.

I feel betrayed and heartbroken. He says this is an overreaction and he wasn’t trying to pursue anything. I don’t know what to do or how to cope with a baby on my own. We don’t have family nearby. He keeps telling me that he doesn’t have any feelings for her and that he wasn’t trying to cheat, but I feel so betrayed and that he has stolen the joy from me meeting my first (and likely only) baby. A baby parcel arrived today and I burst in to tears because I feel like the family I thought we had is gone. How do I move forward with this? I can’t leave at the moment. I miss the man I thought he was.

Looking for some outside perspectives. He states I am overreacting and reading something in to the messages that aren’t there, I feel devastated.

Saw over my partners shoulder in bed a few weeks ago that he has been messaging a younger colleague (F25) on Instagram over the past four weeks. He has not mentioned her existence to me in the entire time they have worked together, nor that they have been messaging. He says it’s just friendly chatting because he has been to the same yoga studio as her once. He refused to show me their messages initially and, after a big row, left to go to a hotel. He sent me the screenshots of their discussion the following day.

I can’t figure out how to upload the screenshots, but direct quotes include:

\\- them talking about their shifts: her: “I will be on shift with you then yay” - his reply “ooh I thought I would be off those days, that makes me happy”

\\- him: “it was sweet of you to stay with me after work (for the protein bar) / her: “oh of course, anything for the protein bar”

\\- him: “I’ll be sad not to see you at work anymore” / her: “I know :( I’m happy to leave but sad to leave the people there”

\\- him: “I hope I’ll see you soon even though you’re leaving”

\\- they plan to arrange going to yoga together. He sends her three pictures of his rota, lots of smiley face emojis and “liking” her messages. One of the days he was supposed to come to a midwife appointment with me.

\\- he talks about his family visit and implies that he gave them a tour of the city and got them back to the bus station alone. I was with him. I took the week off work to be with them. He then says he did “life admin” - we went for brunch. He sends her photos of the blossoms in the park - he doesn’t mention I was with him.

\\- she tells him that she has passed her driving test, to which he replies - “maybe someday I’ll get to ride along with you haha”

She has now left the job.

He is saying that I am reading too much in to these messages. But I feel like he is trying to establish an emotional connection with a younger woman and arranging to meet her at yoga - when I am sat am home feeling very unwell, at 30-weeks pregnant.

We had a five month break previously after discussions about having children, and I found out that he was on a dating app at the end of our relationship. He also had a similar (what felt like an emotional affair) relationship with a woman at his work, which caused repeated issues for us. He promised it would not happen again. He promised me no messaging other women, but he states this is not the same, as she is a colleague. he doesn’t mention me once in four weeks in the messages (111 in total), but states that everyone at work is aware that we are having a baby.

I feel betrayed and heartbroken. He says this is an overreaction and he wasn’t trying to pursue anything. I don’t know what to do or how to cope with a baby on my own. We don’t have family nearby. He keeps telling me that he doesn’t have any feelings for her and that he wasn’t trying to cheat, but I feel so betrayed and that he has stolen the joy from me meeting my first (and likely only) baby. A baby parcel arrived today and I burst in to tears because I feel like the family I thought we had is gone.

Looking for some outside perspectives. He states I am overreacting, I feel devastated.

Saw over my partners shoulder in bed that he has been messaging a younger colleague (F25) on Instagram over the past six weeks. He has not mentioned her existence to me in the entire time they have worked together, nor that they have been messaging. He says it’s just friendly chatting because he has been to the same yoga studio as her once. He refused to show me their messages initially and, after a big row, left to go to a hotel. He sent me the screenshots of their discussion the following day.

I can’t figure out how to upload the screenshots, but direct quotes include:

- them talking about their shifts: her: “I will be on shift with you then yay” - his reply “ooh I thought I would be off those days, that makes me happy”

- him: “it was sweet of you to stay with me after work (for the protein bar) / her: “oh of course, anything for the protein bar”

- him: “I’ll be sad not to see you at work anymore” / her: “I know :( I’m happy to leave but sad to leave the people there”

- him: “I hope I’ll see you soon even though you’re leaving”

- they plan to arrange going to yoga together. He sends her three pictures of her rota, lots of smiley face emojis

- he talks about his family visit and implies that he gave them a tour of the city and got them back to the bus station alone. I was with him. I took the week off work to be with them. He then says he did “life admin” - we went for brunch. He sends her photos of the blossoms in the park - he doesn’t mention I was with him.

- she tells him that she has passed her driving test, to which he replies - “maybe someday I’ll get to ride along with you haha”

She has now left the job.

He is saying that I am reading too much in to these messages. But I feel like he is trying to establish an emotional connection with a younger woman and arranging to meet her at yoga - when I am sat am home feeling very unwell, at 30-weeks pregnant.

We had a five month break previously after discussions about having children, and I found out that he was on a dating app at the end of our relationship. He also had a similar (what felt like an emotional affair) relationship with a woman at his work, which caused repeated issues for us. He promised it would not happen again. He promised me no messaging other women, but he states this is not the same, as she is a colleague. he doesn’t mention me once in six weeks in the messages, but states that everyone at work is aware that we are having a baby.

I feel betrayed and heartbroken. He says this is an overreaction and he wasn’t trying to pursue anything. I don’t know what to do or how to cope with a baby on my own. We don’t have family nearby.