u/EqualStranger4977

I've noticed recently that my need for validation centers around certain traits

If people compliment looks or whatever my brain defaults to "yeah ofc and ..."

But if people compliment my intelligence I'm like "omg I'll keep you around forever"

Like, don't get me wrong being complimented for something I don't care about is better than not being complimented at all

But feel like it's a never ending cycle of trying to get validation from others and being upset when they give the wrong kind of validation 🙃

Anyone else feel like this?

My cat just died and I feel heartbroken.

I genuinely am now upset than when:

- my dad

- both grandmothers

- both grandads

- my two great uncle/aunties

All died. More upset than all of their losses combined tbh.

This can't be normal, why is it so much easier to attach to animals?

Do normal people feel this much grief when relatives die?

E.g. I'm creating a "running as wellness" product for solo runners so don't want to do either performance content (not brand consistent) nor social run club stuff (not target audience)

If I do something too different am I just condemning myself to failure from day 1?

Running a marathon tomorrow, staying with mum (we usually live in different countries)

Within the first day of arrival the criticism/blame was already piling on

My cat died the day I left home, I am still heartbroken. She's the only thing I really loved and was like a child to me. My mum's reaction to me getting upset about about it:

"It's your fault, you should have put her down when I told you"

Fast forward a few minutes, the key gets stuck in the lock - her immediate reaction

"You've broken the door"

Ofc it's not broken and it fixes itself after she calms down and tries again

We go for a walk I point out what she did (jumping straight to blaming me for things) and then she goes off in a sulk

I don't really know what I want from this, but I'm just exhausted by it

I'm trying to heal, learn to be vulnerable and communicating my needs and it just falls on deaf ears

Every time I express an emotion and she then shuts down or sulks I just feel it's reinforcing my avoidance/that I'm going to get punished for showing emotion

Is the only way to deal with our shitty parents to cut them off completely?

Because that's where I'm at. I would have been less sad if she'd died instead of the cat

Running a marathon tomorrow, staying with mum (we usually live in different countries)

Within the first day of arrival the criticism/blame was already piling on

My cat died the day I left home, I am still heartbroken. She's the only thing I really loved and was like a child to me. My mum's reaction to me getting upset about about it:

"It's your fault, you should have put her down when I told you"

Fast forward a few minutes, the key gets stuck in the lock - her immediate reaction

"You've broken the door"

Ofc it's not broken and it fixes itself after she calms down and tries again

We go for a walk I point out what she did (jumping straight to blaming me for things) and then she goes off in a sulk

I don't really know what I want from this, but I'm just exhausted by it

I'm trying to heal, learn to be vulnerable and communicating my needs and it just falls on deaf ears

Every time I express an emotion and she then shuts down or sulks I just feel it's reinforcing my avoidance/that I'm going to get punished for showing emotion

Is the only way to deal with our shitty parents to cut them off completely?

Because that's where I'm at. I would have been less sad if she'd died instead of the cat

Early this year, dream about escaping a concentration camp.

A few weeks ago, a dream about the apocalypse.

Last night, a dream about being immersed in a war.

In all of them I'm trying to escape/avoid the enemy.

What is going on in my brain?

I feel like I only have three feelings:

- Anger (on a scale from mildly irritated to raging)

- Heart-renching sadness (infrequent but strong)

- Euphoria (even less frequent but also very strong)

Most of my life is spent feeling nothing or progressing along the scale of anger at things.

Anyone else feel like this?

Pretty straight forward, want to be able to batch produce content for a brand without having to put my face in it

Anyone recommend any good AI video maker tools?