u/Equivalent-Web-8889

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This is my cousin, but we grew up like brothers. Or so I thought.

A few weeks ago he calls me at 6 AM. He never calls, only texts. I knew it was bad. His son had broken his arm badly, needed surgery ASAP. Hospital wanted cash upfront.

He asked for the equivalent of 3 months salary.

I hesitated. I was saving for a car. But he’d never asked me for money before, he has a job, and it was his kid. So I gave it to him. We agreed he’d pay me back at month end.

Payday comes and goes. He calls to say “salary delayed 2 days.” Fine.

2 days turns into 5. Dead silence. Calls go to voicemail. Texts ignored.

I go to his house after work. Son’s recovering, thank god. But cousin “isn’t home.” Next day, same thing.

I run into his neighbor who says “yeah I saw him home earlier.”

I go back. Wife answers and says he’s not there. But I hear his voice inside. I go to the bedroom and find him sitting there, hiding.

His excuse? “I’m embarrassed. I didn’t know what to tell you.”

Found out later this isn’t new. He owes money to half the family. Cousins, uncles, old friends. Same pattern every time: borrow, delay, disappear, resurface with a new emergency.

I’ve called, texted, gone to his work. Nothing. The money’s gone.

Now some relatives are calling _me_ insensitive for asking for it back. “It’s family,” they say. “Be patient.”

So I’m out 3 months savings, and now I don’t speak to him anymore. Family gatherings are awkward as hell because they think I’m the bad guy for wanting my money back.

I feel stupid for trusting him. I feel used. And I feel betrayed that he involved his wife in lying to my face.

*TLDR:* Lent toxic cousin $3000 for his son’s surgery. He hid in his bedroom to avoid me, and now the family is siding with him.

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So my cousin is basically my brother. We’re super close. He calls me one morning at 6am, which is weird cause we only text. Turns out his kid broke his arm bad and needs surgery. Hospital wants cash upfront.

He asks me for the equivalent of 3 months pay. I’d been saving for a car but felt like shit saying no. It’s an emergency, he’s got a job, never asked me for money before. We agree he’ll pay me back end of month.

Month end comes… “salary delayed 2 days” he says. Cool.

2 days turn into 5. No calls, no texts. Phone goes straight to voicemail.

I go to his place after work. Kid’s doing better thank god, but cousin “isn’t home.” Next day same thing. I bump into his neighbor who’s like “yeah he’s home.”

I go back, wife answers and says he’s not there. But I hear his voice inside. I check the bedroom and there he is, literally sitting on the bed hiding.

He says he’s embarrassed and didn’t know what to say.

Found out later he owes money to basically everyone in the family. I’ve tried calling, texting, going to his work. Nothing. Money’s gone.

Now some relatives are calling me insensitive for chasing it. Saying “it’s family, be patient.”

I’m out 3 months savings and we don’t talk anymore.

So AITA for wanting my money back and cutting him off over it?

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*Flair:* Financial Betrayal

So this is my cousin, but honestly he’s more like my brother. We grew up together, super close. We talk about everything - sports, politics, dumb memes. Never about money though.

A few weeks ago he calls me at 6 AM. Red flag #1 because this guy _never_ calls. Always texts.

He’s panicking. His son broke his arm bad, needs surgery ASAP, hospital wants payment upfront. He asks me for the equivalent of 3 months salary.

I’d been saving for a car, and I hesitated. I’m not gonna lie. But he’d never asked me for money before, he has a job, and it’s his kid. So I agreed. We made a payment plan. He’d pay me back at month end when his salary hit.

Month end comes. “Salary delayed 2 days” he says. Fine, stuff happens.

2 days turn into 5 days. Radio silence. Calls go to voicemail. Texts ignored.

I go to his house after work. His son’s recovering, which is good. But cousin “isn’t home.” Next day, same story.

Then I run into his neighbor who’s like “yeah I saw him home earlier.”

I go back. Wife answers the door and says he’s not there. But I hear his voice inside. I walk to the bedroom and find him sitting there, literally hiding.

He says he’s embarrassed and didn’t know what to tell me.

Turns out he owes money to half the family. I’ve called, texted, gone to his work. Nothing.

Now some relatives are calling _me_ insensitive for asking for it back. Saying “it’s family.”

I’m out 3 months savings and we don’t speak anymore. The family gatherings are so awkward now.

TLDR: Lent my cousin $3000 for his son’s surgery. He avoided me, got caught hiding in his bedroom, and now half the family thinks I’m the bad guy for wanting it back.

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Semen retention is to me what an army is to a king. I fully understand how important it is—deeply. But I’ve never gone past 100 days.

I had to take a step back and figure out what my trigger is. It’s ALCOHOL. It’s always been ALCOHOL. Every time I did a long streak, I wasn't drinking.

So for this new streak, I’m 1 week in. We’re not touching alcohol. Let’s see how far we can go

We worked the same shifts for a year before anything happened.

Kept it quiet at first, but it got messy fast when things ended.

Wrote the full story here if you want the details:

https://medium.com/@ndumioa/i-dated-my-coworker-for-8-months-it-destroyed-our-work-and-saved-our-relationship-3f4361a4f2a6

Main thing I learned: keeping work and dating separate is harder than it sounds.

I spent 5 years waiting tables while friends went to college.

At the time it felt like I was behind. Now I realize it was the fastest education

I could’ve gotten on people, stress, and money.

Wrote the full story here:

https://medium.com/@ndumioa/the-university-of-life-5-years-behind-a-tray-745cf31016b0

Curious if anyone else feels like the restaurant taught you more than school did.

After 5 years of bad roommates, I moved out and started paying rent alone.

It cost me more, but my stress dropped to zero.

I wrote about what happened and why I don’t regret it:

https://medium.com/@ndumioa/822229aaa260