u/Equivalent-Word473

I just found out that I am part of the ear rumblers club! I went to the ENT yesterday because of some hearing trouble in my left ear. Turns out I have allergies and my left eustachian tube is inflamed. She recommended that I periodically pop my ears by closing my nose and blowing down/swallowing, and I asked her if “blinking my ears”, as i would describe it, does the same thing. She looked at me strangely, then asked me if I meant when I swallow. I told her “ no, I literally just squeezed my ears and hear a click and sometimes a rumble.” The doctor didn’t comment and just brushed it off, it seemed like she had no idea what I was talking about. That’s when I started researching if this is normal/common. I thought everyone could do that! I’m glad you have found this community, we are a pretty rare breed ☺️

I’d really appreciate outside perspective on a trust situation with my boyfriend.

I’m 32F, he’s 35M. We’ve been together for exactly 1 year. We live together, share a joint bank account, and we’ve been building a business together. We were moving toward engagement, so this isn’t a casual situation.

He has long‑standing trust issues in general and has shown distrust toward me before, even though I haven’t given him a reason. For example, last week, out of nowhere, he asked me if I was cheating. That hit especially hard because my ex‑husband used to accuse me of cheating when in reality he was the one cheating.

Last night we got into a big fight about trust. He asked to see my phone, and I agreed. He then went through my phone alone, scrolling through things without me there. He didn’t find anything current, just old messages from about three years ago, long before we were together. He did apologize later for attacking me over those pre‑relationship messages.

When I asked to see his phone, at first he would only allow it if I looked while he was watching/overseeing me. I did not get the same grace of private access that he had to mine. He subsequently agreed multiple times to let me look at his phone privately, but each time he handed it over, he immediately ripped it back out of my hands. Things finally came to a head last night after he snatched the phone back a third time and I left to go stay at my sister’s house.

A few days before this, there was a smaller incident where he turned his phone away from me while typing a message. When I asked, “Why are you doing that?” he did show me the text, and it was just an embarrassing/silly message to his friend. So there are moments where he’s willing to show me things.

Since last night, he’s had uninterrupted time with his phone, and my mind keeps going to: “He could have deleted things, cleaned up conversations, hidden stuff.” Even if he hands me his phone now, I feel like I’ll never really know what was there, and that uncertainty is eating at me.

Important context: my ex‑husband cheated on me. So accusations of cheating, double standards around privacy, and any hint of secrecy are huge triggers. I still love my current boyfriend, but I genuinely don’t know if I can ever feel safe trusting him after this, given my history and the way these trust issues keep coming up.

This morning, he insisted that the reason behind him not letting me look on my own is that he’s embarrassed of the conversations he has on his phone from before we met, including him soliciting prostitutes, begging for women to meet him or have sex with him, him appearing “thirsty”.

I’m torn between:
- Trying to set clear boundaries and work on rebuilding trust.
- Taking a break or ending things because I don’t know if my nervous system can handle this level of uncertainty and suspicion again.

My questions for Reddit:
- Is it realistic to rebuild trust when a partner has had time to potentially “clean up” their phone, and refuses equal transparency? How could trust even be rebuilt?
- How big of a red flag is a pattern of general trust issues + accusations of cheating + unequal phone access, especially when you share finances and are planning a future?

I’d really appreciate thoughts on whether this is something that can be healthily repaired, or whether it’s safer for me to walk away.

TLDR: 32F, 35M, together 1 year, living together with shared bank account and business, moving toward engagement. Last night he went through my phone alone, found only pre‑relationship messages, then refused to give me equal private access to his and snatched it back three times. He recently asked if I was cheating out of nowhere, and my ex‑husband used to accuse me of cheating while he was actually the one cheating, so this is very triggering. I love my boyfriend but don’t know if I can ever trust him or feel safe again, and I’m torn between trying to repair this or leaving.

I never post on Reddit, but I recently experienced a lot of success in reducing my IBS symptoms with a very simple, practically free change to my morning routine, and I wanted to share it in case it can help someone else.

I’ve had IBS-d for a few years now with very little success in managing my symptoms. The FODMAP diet has helped me a bit, but it was so difficult to maintain that i fell off after a few months.

I’ve actually found the most relief through just drinking 8-12 ounces of warm water with a pinch of sea salt and a tiny squeeze of lemon in the morning. I take 10-15 min to drink it on an empty stomach and I delay coffee for at least 1 hour from waking. This doesn’t sound groundbreaking, but man, the change in my digestive system has been massive.

I got this idea from a youtube video that talked about the morning routines of Japanese people. There is definitely some science behind it, although I am not super familiar with it, so I’ll refrain from butchering the facts.

Anyway, just thought I’d share in the hopes this practically free and easy solution helps someone else.