u/Equivalent_Wing_9028

From what I've read, trans girls lose tend to lose most penal function, but some of them can remain tops. I would like to simulate this effect by only partially transitioning by taking lower doses of estrogen.

My body dysphoria is that I identify with long hair, low body hair, feminine curves (i don't even mind breasts) but I would also like to keep a functional penis.

The dysphoria is so strong that I'm willing to spend my life researching and develop biological modeling so that this transgender endocrine phenotype could be reliably prescribed.

At the minimum, no matter what i do in life, my goal is death. I am waiting for death. I can accept that this is the trajectory that god chose for me in this incarnation, but I cannot reasonably identify with it, so my goal is death.

I won't kill myself, because that would refusing the incarnation, which goes against the will of the Universe.

Yet finally i'm at peace, rather than thinking I have to reverse from a very ugly guy to a pretty boy, I can just accept death and play the rest of life in a semi-detached deeply spiritual peace.