I just wanted to tell my story my way.
I (32f) posted my guest podcast episode somewhere my parents wouldn’t see it. My sister (28) did. And now they’ve heard it anyway. 🫠
Okay, so. I was recently a guest on a podcast talking about some deeply personal stuff—religious trauma, purity culture, queerness, family/community responses to it, you know the drill. I was really proud of the episode. I want to talk about this stuff. I think it’s good for me to talk about it, and I want other people who have gone through similar things to hear someone saying it out loud.
But. My relationship with my parents is fragile, and I’m not ready to have that conversation with them yet. I don’t want to force it before I’m ready, and I especially don’t want them hearing me talk about these things without me being there to run interference, explain context, or deal with the fallout. So I posted the episode on Threads, where my account is private and, as far as I knew, the only person in my immediate family who could see it was my sister. My parents and the other people I grew up around don’t follow me there. It felt like a compromise. I could share it. I could be proud of it. I could talk about something important to me. And I could still maintain a little bit of control over who in my family was exposed to it.
My sister listened to it, which I was okay with. The only thing I said about her specifically was that she’s moved into a more conservative place than she was before, which is something we have actively talked about. She’s wrestling with it herself, and she’s conflict-avoidant and really wants everyone to get along.
The problem is that she has a habit of sharing things about each other. mostly it’s things about me with my mom and dad, or things about my husband with my parents—seemingly because she thinks it will foster connection between everyone. I learned the hard way that I can’t trust what I tell her to remain private. It’s a betrayal of my privacy and trust, and it sucks. But she’s mellowed out quite a bit over the last year or so, and I got complacent. Or maybe just… trusting, because I want to be able to trust my family. Okay? So she listened to the episode, messaged me, self-deprecatingly laughed about the conservative comment, and even liked my post.
And then I found out she not only told my parents about the episode, but she shared it with them. So now my mom has flipped out, my dad is saying nothing, and my sister is acting like nothing happened. Like she’s just an innocent bystander to all of this. And I’m sitting here a week later trying to remind myself that everything is going to be okay. I don’t actually need to do anything right now. I don’t need to force a conversation. I don’t need to defend myself or explain everything or make everyone understand why this hurt me.
But holy shit, it sucks. Because I do think it’s good for me to talk about these things. I’m proud of what I said. I don’t regret saying it.
I just wanted to be able to choose when and how my parents heard it. And** **apparently that was too much to ask. 🙃
My husband has been such a stalwart through all of this, which I’m incredibly grateful for. Right now I’m mostly trying to sit with the fact that I can love my family, want a relationship with them, and still recognize that I can’t give them, or certain members of my family, unlimited access to me.
Anyway, if anyone wants to listen, here’s the episode:
https://youtu.be/4qCEOrWHWHs?is=p8nXPD7jcNBNa7HB
And yes, I’m proud of the episode. Even if I’m currently regretting social media in totality. Yes, I do see the irony of posting on Reddit.y
Also poor mans ramen because I stress cook.