u/Evening-Field-4233

Tw living child

Hi everyone

I wanted to ask about anyone’s experiences here of successfully having another child after 2 ectopics? I have a 7 year old who I had at 28, i then had a pregnancy of unknown location ending in miscarriage at 33, an ectopic in my right tube managed expectantly at 34, and am recovering from my second ectopic, again in my right tube, managed through surgery, at 35. They left my tube in (despite it being damaged now) which I have mixed feelings about.

Any stories of successful conceiving again after similar experiences and at a similar age would be really appreciated. My husband feels our next step should be IVF to minimise the chances of me having to go through this again, but I’d like to weigh up my options. So if it took IVF for you, please do also share your story.

Thanks so much. X

Salaam all

Just posting here on the hope that input from others might help me.

To cut a very long story short, I’m struggling with my imaan after a really difficult few years. I have a mixed background, was raised Muslim but not massively practising, and didnt grow closer to Islam until recent years. In the past seven years, since having my son, I’ve struggled with health issue after issue. The latest issues have really put me in a place where I am struggling with any thoughts of trusting Allah swt’s plan, Astaghfirulah, and just asking what I’ve done in life to deserve what is happening.

The issues started with extreme gastro issues when my son was a baby, IBS that manifested like food poisoning every two to three weeks, which took years to eventually improve alhamdulilah. I then developed two herniated discs in my lower back which I’ve been trying and failing to rehabilitate for 3 years now, meaning I have debilitating sciatica on and off. I’ve also struggled with stress and anxiety (exacerbated by the experiences I’ll cover now).

The biggest issue has been multiple pregnancy losses over the past 3 years. I’ve had a miscarriage, and now two ectopic pregnancies. Every experience has been emotionally devastating and physically traumatising. The latest ectopic resulted in emergency surgery last Wednesday and I’m now back home trying to make heads or tails of my life, my emotions and feelings, and everything else.

The pain of losing these pregnancies is indescribable. The first two losses ironically helped me grow closer to my deen, got me praying and making regular dua, and I even went for Umrah this January. I’ve been trying to wear hijab the last few years and while this has been on and off it’s been something I’ve been consciously choosing to do despite finding it very hard to actively pick as a grown woman who has lived life differently until now.

I feel completely spent after this latest loss, to the extent that even putting a hijab on my head to go out today feels like too much effort. I feel like I don’t have the energy to make this active choice to do it. Especially as, as a side point, I fundamentally don’t believe non hijabis are sinners or bad people, looking in the grand scheme at what horrors humans are capable of and the attributes of love and mercy I believe most truly describe Allah swt.

I just can’t stop feeling like why me, as I can’t take more of these tests, and I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve it. I know this is when tawakkul is especially important. I know that making dua should bring me comfort. I know that Allah swt is meant to test those He loves the most the hardest. But I just can’t engage with any of these thoughts right now, and that thought itself drives more of my sadness and exhaustion. It just feels like more and more pressure to do something or live up to something that is too hard at the moment.

Sorry as I am rambling now. But any words of comfort, support or advice would be so appreciated at this time.

JazakumAllah khair.

Salaam all

Just posting here on the hope that input from others might help me.

To cut a very long story short, I’m struggling with my imaan after a really difficult few years. I have a mixed background, was raised Muslim but not massively practising, and didnt grow closer to Islam until recent years. In the past seven years, since having my son, I’ve struggled with health issue after issue. The latest issues have really put me in a place where I am struggling with any thoughts of trusting Allah swt’s plan, Astaghfirulah, and just asking what I’ve done in life to deserve what is happening.

The issues started with extreme gastro issues when my son was a baby, IBS that manifested like food poisoning every two to three weeks, which took years to eventually improve alhamdulilah. I then developed two herniated discs in my lower back which I’ve been trying and failing to rehabilitate for 3 years now, meaning I have debilitating sciatica on and off. I’ve also struggled with stress and anxiety (exacerbated by the experiences I’ll cover now).

The biggest issue has been multiple pregnancy losses over the past 3 years. I’ve had a miscarriage, and now two ectopic pregnancies. Every experience has been emotionally devastating and physically traumatising. The latest ectopic resulted in emergency surgery last Wednesday and I’m now back home trying to make heads or tails of my life, my emotions and feelings, and everything else.

The pain of losing these pregnancies is indescribable. The first two losses ironically helped me grow closer to my deen, got me praying and making regular dua, and I even went for Umrah this January. I’ve been trying to wear hijab the last few years and while this has been on and off it’s been something I’ve been consciously choosing to do despite finding it very hard to actively pick as a grown woman who has lived life differently until now.

I feel completely spent after this latest loss, to the extent that even putting a hijab on my head to go out today feels like too much effort. I feel like I don’t have the energy to make this active choice to do it. Especially as, as a side point, I fundamentally don’t believe non hijabis are sinners or bad people, looking in the grand scheme at what horrors humans are capable of and the attributes of love and mercy I believe most truly describe Allah swt.

I just can’t stop feeling like why me, as I can’t take more of these tests, and I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve it. I know this is when tawakkul is especially important. I know that making dua should bring me comfort. I know that Allah swt is meant to test those He loves the most the hardest. But I just can’t engage with any of these thoughts right now, and that thought itself drives more of my sadness and exhaustion. It just feels like more and more pressure to do something or live up to something that is too hard at the moment.

Sorry as I am rambling now. But any words of comfort, support or advice would be so appreciated at this time.

JazakumAllah khair.

Salaam all

Just posting here on the hope that input from others might help me.

To cut a very long story short, I’m struggling with my imaan after a really difficult few years. I have a mixed background, was raised Muslim but not massively practising, and didnt grow closer to Islam until recent years. In the past seven years, since having my son, I’ve struggled with health issue after issue. The latest issues have really put me in a place where I am struggling with any thoughts of trusting Allah swt’s plan, Astaghfirulah, and just asking what I’ve done in life to deserve what is happening.

The issues started with extreme gastro issues when my son was a baby, IBS that manifested like food poisoning every two to three weeks, which took years to eventually improve alhamdulilah. I then developed two herniated discs in my lower back which I’ve been trying and failing to rehabilitate for 3 years now, meaning I have debilitating sciatica on and off. I’ve also struggled with stress and anxiety (exacerbated by the experiences I’ll cover now).

The biggest issue has been multiple pregnancy losses over the past 3 years. I’ve had a miscarriage, and now two ectopic pregnancies. Every experience has been emotionally devastating and physically traumatising. The latest ectopic resulted in emergency surgery last Wednesday and I’m now back home trying to make heads or tails of my life, my emotions and feelings, and everything else.

The pain of losing these pregnancies is indescribable. The first two losses ironically helped me grow closer to my deen, got me praying and making regular dua, and I even went for Umrah this January. I’ve been trying to wear hijab the last few years and while this has been on and off it’s been something I’ve been consciously choosing to do despite finding it very hard to actively pick as a grown woman who has lived life differently until now.

I feel completely spent after this latest loss, to the extent that even putting a hijab on my head to go out today feels like too much effort. I feel like I don’t have the energy to make this active choice to do it. Especially as, as a side point, I fundamentally don’t believe non hijabis are sinners or bad people, looking in the grand scheme at what horrors humans are capable of and the attributes of love and mercy I believe most truly describe Allah swt.

I just can’t stop feeling like why me, as I can’t take more of these tests, and I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve it. I know this is when tawakkul is especially important. I know that making dua should bring me comfort. I know that Allah swt is meant to test those He loves the most the hardest. But I just can’t engage with any of these thoughts right now, and that thought itself drives more of my sadness and exhaustion. It just feels like more and more pressure to do something or live up to something that is too hard at the moment.

Sorry as I am rambling now. But any words of comfort, support or advice would be so appreciated at this time.

JazakumAllah khair.

Salaam all

Just posting here on the hope that input from others might help me.

To cut a very long story short, I’m struggling with my imaan after a really difficult few years. I have a mixed background, was raised Muslim but not massively practising, and didnt grow closer to Islam until recent years. In the past seven years, since having my son, I’ve struggled with health issue after issue. The latest issues have really put me in a place where I am struggling with any thoughts of trusting Allah swt’s plan, Astaghfirulah, and just asking what I’ve done in life to deserve what is happening.

The issues started with extreme gastro issues when my son was a baby, IBS that manifested like food poisoning every two to three weeks, which took years to eventually improve alhamdulilah. I then developed two herniated discs in my lower back which I’ve been trying and failing to rehabilitate for 3 years now, meaning I have debilitating sciatica on and off. I’ve also struggled with stress and anxiety (exacerbated by the experiences I’ll cover now).

The biggest issue has been multiple pregnancy losses over the past 3 years. I’ve had a miscarriage, and now two ectopic pregnancies. Every experience has been emotionally devastating and physically traumatising. The latest ectopic resulted in emergency surgery last Wednesday and I’m now back home trying to make heads or tails of my life, my emotions and feelings, and everything else.

The pain of losing these pregnancies is indescribable. The first two losses ironically helped me grow closer to my deen, got me praying and making regular dua, and I even went for Umrah this January. I’ve been trying to wear hijab the last few years and while this has been on and off it’s been something I’ve been consciously choosing to do despite finding it very hard to actively pick as a grown woman who has lived life differently until now.

I feel completely spent after this latest loss, to the extent that even putting a hijab on my head to go out today feels like too much effort. I feel like I don’t have the energy to make this active choice to do it. Especially as, as a side point, I fundamentally don’t believe non hijabis are sinners or bad people, looking in the grand scheme at what horrors humans are capable of and the attributes of love and mercy I believe most truly describe Allah swt.

I just can’t stop feeling like why me, as I can’t take more of these tests, and I don’t understand what I’ve done to deserve it. I know this is when tawakkul is especially important. I know that making dua should bring me comfort. I know that Allah swt is meant to test those He loves the most the hardest. But I just can’t engage with any of these thoughts right now, and that thought itself drives more of my sadness and exhaustion. It just feels like more and more pressure to do something or live up to something that is too hard at the moment.

Sorry as I am rambling now. But any words of comfort, support or advice would be so appreciated at this time.

JazakumAllah khair.

Tw living child

Hi everyone

I am at a complete loss so apologies as this is probably part rant, and part desperately seeking answers/information from others.

My backstory is that I have a 7 year old son who I had at 28. I got pregnant easily, luckily, and had a straightforward pregnancy and birth. After having him I unfortunately had quite a lot of health issues - severe gastric symptoms for a good couple of years (which I think was SIBO and IBS) which have thankfully improved as time has gone on. I’ve also herniated two lower back discs.

Since he was 4, I have been trying for a second. I got pregnant in late 2023, again quite easily, but this was diagnosed as a pregnancy of unknown location and I had a miscarriage in January 2024. A traumatic experience as it took 6 weeks for my hcg to finally return to normal.

We started trying again in mid 2024 and I found out I was pregnancy again in the December. Early Jan 2025 I started bleeding at 6 weeks and it was diagnosed as a right sided ectopic pregnancy. It was managed expectantly - a month of absolute horror and trauma of fear of it rupturing/pain/grief/devastation.

After the ectopic I really struggled. I had a lot of investigations done and found out I had PCOS, although I was managing it well as a fairly healthy person and seemingly ovulating just fine. I had a hycosy done and the report said ‘tubes patent with delayed filling and spillage’ - but we were reassured that this essentially meant they were okay. We also got my husband checked and realised he had a varicocele, which had had corrected in January 2026. We were told we could start trying again in April 2026.

I got pregnant again in early June. Went for an early placement scan on Wednesday, a few days ago, and was again diagnosed with a right sided ectopic. This time it was a lot more developed, an actively progressing pregnancy, so I had to have emergency surgery that evening to remove it. I was told they’d remove the tube too unless they could see issues with the other tube, in which case they’d just cut the tube open and remove the pregnancy to avoid ruining my chances of getting pregnant again.

I now know they did the dye test in surgery and the left tube filled but didn’t spill, so they decided to leave both tubes in. I couldn’t get my head around this, as they’ve essentially left the probably severely damaged right tube in there, but the registrar who was in the surgery said the tubes looked relatively healthy and the consultant felt this was the best thing to do.

I have a surgery debrief in a couple of weeks with the consultant where I’ll get to hear more and ask my questions. I literally feel like a bomb has gone off and I am overwhelmed with so many thoughts and feelings. I also feel at a complete loss of what to expect next. I don’t know what this means for me going forward. I don’t know what has happened to my tubes between my son and now to keep causing these ectopic pregnancies.

I am spiralling a bit which I’m sure is apparent from this post. If anyone has had a similar experience and would be willing to share their story, good or bad, it would really help me both with coming to terms with what has happened but also with what my next steps might look like.

Thanks so much. I’m sorry we are all here. X

Tw living child

Hi everyone

I am at a complete loss so apologies as this is probably part rant, and part desperately seeking answers/information from others.

My backstory is that I have a 7 year old son who I had at 28. I got pregnant easily, luckily, and had a straightforward pregnancy and birth. After having him I unfortunately had quite a lot of health issues - severe gastric symptoms for a good couple of years (which I think was SIBO and IBS) which have thankfully improved as time has gone on. I’ve also herniated two lower back discs.

Since he was 4, I have been trying for a second. I got pregnant in late 2023, again quite easily, but this was diagnosed as a pregnancy of unknown location and I had a miscarriage in January 2024. A traumatic experience as it took 6 weeks for my hcg to finally return to normal.

We started trying again in mid 2024 and I found out I was pregnancy again in the December. Early Jan 2025 I started bleeding at 6 weeks and it was diagnosed as a right sided ectopic pregnancy. It was managed expectantly - a month of absolute horror and trauma of fear of it rupturing/pain/grief/devastation.

After the ectopic I really struggled. I had a lot of investigations done and found out I had PCOS, although I was managing it well as a fairly healthy person and seemingly ovulating just fine. I had a hycosy done and the report said ‘tubes patent with delayed filling and spillage’ - but we were reassured that this essentially meant they were okay. We also got my husband checked and realised he had a varicocele, which had had corrected in January 2026. We were told we could start trying again in April 2026.

I got pregnant again in early June. Went for an early placement scan on Wednesday, a few days ago, and was again diagnosed with a right sided ectopic. This time it was a lot more developed, an actively progressing pregnancy, so I had to have emergency surgery that evening to remove it. I was told they’d remove the tube too unless they could see issues with the other tube, in which case they’d just cut the tube open and remove the pregnancy to avoid ruining my chances of getting pregnant again.

I now know they did the dye test in surgery and the left tube filled but didn’t spill, so they decided to leave both tubes in. I couldn’t get my head around this, as they’ve essentially left the probably severely damaged right tube in there, but the registrar who was in the surgery said the tubes looked relatively healthy and the consultant felt this was the best thing to do.

I have a surgery debrief in a couple of weeks with the consultant where I’ll get to hear more and ask my questions. I literally feel like a bomb has gone off and I am overwhelmed with so many thoughts and feelings. I also feel at a complete loss of what to expect next. I don’t know what this means for me going forward. I don’t know what has happened to my tubes between my son and now to keep causing these ectopic pregnancies.

I am spiralling a bit which I’m sure is apparent from this post. If anyone has had a similar experience and would be willing to share their story, good or bad, it would really help me both with coming to terms with what has happened but also with what my next steps might look like.

Thanks so much. I’m sorry we are all here. X

Tw living child

Hi everyone

I am at a complete loss so apologies as this is probably part rant, and part desperately seeking answers/information from others.

My backstory is that I have a 7 year old son who I had at 28. I got pregnant easily, luckily, and had a straightforward pregnancy and birth. After having him I unfortunately had quite a lot of health issues - severe gastric symptoms for a good couple of years (which I think was SIBO and IBS) which have thankfully improved as time has gone on. I’ve also herniated two lower back discs.

Since he was 4, I have been trying for a second. I got pregnant in late 2023, again quite easily, but this was diagnosed as a pregnancy of unknown location and I had a miscarriage in January 2024. A traumatic experience as it took 6 weeks for my hcg to finally return to normal.

We started trying again in mid 2024 and I found out I was pregnancy again in the December. Early Jan 2025 I started bleeding at 6 weeks and it was diagnosed as a right sided ectopic pregnancy. It was managed expectantly - a month of absolute horror and trauma of fear of it rupturing/pain/grief/devastation.

After the ectopic I really struggled. I had a lot of investigations done and found out I had PCOS, although I was managing it well as a fairly healthy person and seemingly ovulating just fine. I had a hycosy done and the report said ‘tubes patent with delayed filling and spillage’ - but we were reassured that this essentially meant they were okay. We also got my husband checked and realised he had a varicocele, which had had corrected in January 2026. We were told we could start trying again in April 2026.

I got pregnant again in early June. Went for an early placement scan on Wednesday, a few days ago, and was again diagnosed with a right sided ectopic. This time it was a lot more developed, an actively progressing pregnancy, so I had to have emergency surgery that evening to remove it. I was told they’d remove the tube too unless they could see issues with the other tube, in which case they’d just cut the tube open and remove the pregnancy to avoid ruining my chances of getting pregnant again.

I now know they did the dye test in surgery and the left tube filled but didn’t spill, so they decided to leave both tubes in. I couldn’t get my head around this, as they’ve essentially left the probably severely damaged right tube in there, but the registrar who was in the surgery said the tubes looked relatively healthy and the consultant felt this was the best thing to do.

I have a surgery debrief in a couple of weeks with the consultant where I’ll get to hear more and ask my questions. I literally feel like a bomb has gone off and I am overwhelmed with so many thoughts and feelings. I also feel at a complete loss of what to expect next. I don’t know what this means for me going forward. I don’t know what has happened to my tubes between my son and now to keep causing these ectopic pregnancies.

I am spiralling a bit which I’m sure is apparent from this post. If anyone has had a similar experience and would be willing to share their story, good or bad, it would really help me both with coming to terms with what has happened but also with what my next steps might look like.

Thanks so much. I’m sorry we are all here. X