u/Existing_Cat6636

I just made a new snapchat account and I seen today at 1.00 there was a snap account that had my name and I do quickly assume maybe someone's trying to make me look bad (again) so I added them and I seen the email on there on the square that pops up in chat qhen you go there chat, I seen an email that wasn't close to my name or last name so I searched it up on Facebook and found this girl I haven't heard of from an old school I went to earlier this year and I great assume she's my age she looks as old as I am, I also come to find out she is struggling with her Own addictions right now and want to judge me because I I got psychosis from litterly going to that school, I made my choice to fight back and leave, after that it then give me the clarity to move on with my life anyways, I don't feel the need someone needs to make a snapchat account of me and send maybe texts around that school that aren't true because I don't know why there is a fake account but I fought back with words for her to better understand she should take care of her meth and heroin addiction first instead of carrying my name around with a not so secret email(I litterly found her name by looking at her email get a better strategy🥱🥸)

I've been seeing break up advice on here but I'm seeing advice I don't want to settle for but it's definitely good advice...I do not want to let go and I want to keep waiting for him to come back, there no way I feel like I could go with another person after spending almost a year either him, I'm not sure what I can do to prove I do want him back and that I definitely fucked up for sure, he was right all along about my whole life and I chose to not take that advice and help he was actually doing to change my life so I would be happy, I can't even think about how being with another person would feel like for the reason of it feeling so wrong, I want to move on, for sure my action really did help me learn a lesson I should of been aware about a long time ago, I'm going insane my life feels messy I'm getting to a state where I don't even know what's happening to me, I'm forgetting everything and can't do anything anymore or be smart I can hardly even write this paragraph, not sure what's hopping I think I'm losing my mind

It's may and feels horrible, how do I get to this point in my life when all I want is someone to really trust and love, and mild confusion and lack of giving trust gave me the conclusion in February that since I'm not loved I shouldn't care anymore....I miss when life was exciting with you and you were there when I was having my moments, after all is done and what happened is irreversible I now realize that being with other people feels awful and all I want is your forgiveness and hug you so much,nothing is the same after it's done you can't take back the past for sure, moving on with out you doesn't seem like something I want to do and I wish I could tell you but in reality I know stuff won't go my way and honestly I hate that, stupid mistakes don't make u sleep any better at night we had such a good connection now I can't connect with anyone you were my ride or die from the start and I still feel that way now wishing you were here beside me hugging me would feel amazing, I want to see you so bad but bad dies come fir the truly bad,letting go I can't just do but the consequence I have to do