u/Exotic-Raspberry-278

I’m a woman in my late 20s. I had a short but intense dating situation with another woman in her late 20s. We also both have ADHD.

We matched months ago, reconnected later, texted a lot, and had an amazing first date. The chemistry felt very mutual: lots of laughter, shared interests, flirting, creative overlap, and she repeatedly said things that made me think she was excited too.

Then she became inconsistent. She rescheduled/flaked multiple times before the second date, but each time sent long apologies saying she really wanted to see me and that her life was just chaotic. I tried to be understanding because her reasons seemed real (work, creative commitments, life overwhelm.)

On the second meetup, she told me she really liked me, felt a connection, and was very attracted to me, but didn’t have capacity for a relationship and couldn’t be consistent. She suggested maybe being friends first and getting closer later. We still made out, which made it feel even more confusing.

Afterward, I told her I liked her and would be open to slow but intentional dating, but not a vague casual/friendship/orbit situation. She replied that she thought the vibe was more casual/relaxed, and that her life had changed a lot since we first matched. She said she “has no doubts about me” but just isn’t emotionally ready for any of this. Then I noticed she updated Hinge, unmatched me, and eventually blocked me on Instagram.

I know the reality is: she did not choose me. But I’m struggling because it felt like the chemistry was real and mutual, and like the ending was more about capacity/emotional unavailability than lack of core compatibility.

How do you stop clinging to the “but it was real” part when the person’s actions still amount to a no?

We both have ADHD and are women in our late 20s for context. I felt an unusually intense connection with her after one amazing date and lots of texting. She flaked on two planned dates, but each time sent a long apology, reaffirmed her interest in me, and immediately rescheduled.

Then on our second date said she really likes me, feels a connection, and is very attracted to me but doesn’t have the capacity for a relationship because of depression/debt/life overwhelm. But then we made out and talked for another few hours.

A few days later, I send her a long text about how I felt. She sent me a long text back explaining her perspective, and that she might not be stable enough to date for “six months to a year,” but also “has no doubts about me”, and ended the message by saying she wishes me the best and is sure I’ll find someone whose values are more aligned.

Then, I saw she updated her hinge profile with new pics and unmatched me.

Still, I want her back against my better judgment. I believe she has an avoidant attachment and is afraid of commitment. She’s never had a.long term relationship with a woman. Fuck I really liked her and it felt so so promising I’m just so bummed about this :(

We’re both women in our late 20s for context. It’s been a month since things ended. We only saw each other in person twice, but we texted a lot. We reallyyyy hit it off over text and realized we have a ton in common. We are both interested in the same specific creative field and just like instantly had this sort of shared language.

The first date was honestly probably the best first date I’ve ever had in my life. I felt like the chemistry was really great, we were both smiling and giggling the whole time, and she seemed to reciprocate my enthusiasm.

But then, like a week later, she started acting very hot and cold over text and I sensed a bit of a pullback. She planned another date with me, then flaked. She sent me long apology, said she really wants to see me still, and immediately asked to reschedule. Then, she did the same thing AGAIN. Flake, long apology, reaffirm interest, reschedule. By this point, I was very wary of her romantic availability, but I really really liked her so agreed to meet up ONLY IF she was absolutely definitely able to make it.

When we finally saw each other in person again, she gave me a whole speech about how she really likes me and feels a connection, but doesn’t have the capacity for a relationship and can’t be “the most consistent.” She asked if I maybe wanted to be friends…

It was hard to process in the moment. I was trying to understand why she would meet up in person after only one date to tell me this… I was so confused. I asked “am I not your type physically or something? are you attracted to me?” And she was like “oh, yes, I am very very attracted to you…” and then we ended up making out and acting like the way we were on the first date. She even suggested more hypothetical future dates. It was really nice… but then afterwards I realized… wait… she said she doesn’t have the capacity…what are we doing…

A few days later, I texted her a very long but honest message about how I felt. She responded with a long text explaining her side, that she’s struggling with depression, credit card debt, and emotional overwhelm, and said it might be “six months to a year” until her life is stable enough for something. She also said she “has no doubts “ about me, but also ended the message saying “I believe you will find someone with good chemistry whose values are more aligned!”

I just idk. I know there are other fish in the sea but this connection felt so promising and so rare (especially being a lesbian looking for someone with very specific qualities… these people are not like falling out of the sky…)

I find myself having a hard time letting go of the hope that this was a “right person, wrong time” situation. Like, idk. We don’t even really know each other, but it feels like she really just cut it off so short, before we could even find out if this would work or not. It was really so promising. And she seemed genuine in that it was bad timing … I know I can’t live the next year of my life waiting for her… but ugh. Idk. I don’t meet a lot of people like that. She was rare for me.

We’re both women in our late 20s for context. It’s been a month since things ended. We only saw each other in person twice, but we texted a lot. We reallyyyy hit it off over text and realized we have a ton in common. We are both interested in the same specific creative field and just like instantly had this sort of shared language.

The first date was honestly probably the best first date I’ve ever had in my life. I felt like the chemistry was really great, we were both smiling and giggling the whole time, and she seemed to reciprocate my enthusiasm.

But then, like a week later, she started acting very hot and cold over text and I sensed a bit of a pullback. She planned another date with me, then flaked. She sent me long apology, said she really wants to see me still, and immediately asked to reschedule. Then, she did the same thing AGAIN. Flake, long apology, reaffirm interest, reschedule. By this point, I was very wary of her romantic availability, but I really really liked her so agreed to meet up ONLY IF she was absolutely definitely able to make it.

When we finally saw each other in person again, she gave me a whole speech about how she really likes me and feels a connection, but doesn’t have the capacity for a relationship and can’t be “the most consistent.” She asked if I maybe wanted to be friends…

It was hard to process in the moment. I was trying to understand why she would meet up in person after only one date to tell me this… I was so confused. I asked “am I not your type physically or something? are you attracted to me?” And she was like “oh, yes, I am very very attracted to you…” and then we ended up making out and acting like the way we were on the first date. She even suggested more hypothetical future dates. It was really nice… but then afterwards I realized… wait… she said she doesn’t have the capacity…what are we doing…

A few days later, I texted her a very long but honest message about how I felt. She responded with a long text explaining her side, that she’s struggling with depression, credit card debt, and emotional overwhelm, and said it might be “six months to a year” until her life is stable enough for something. She also said she “has no doubts “ about me, but also ended the message saying “I believe you will find someone with good chemistry whose values are more aligned!”

I just idk. I know there are other fish in the sea but this connection felt so promising and so rare (especially being a lesbian looking for someone with very specific qualities… these people are not like falling out of the sky…)

I find myself having a hard time letting go of the hope that this was a “right person, wrong time” situation. Like, idk. We don’t even really know each other, but it feels like she really just cut it off so short, before we could even find out if this would work or not. It was really so promising. And she seemed genuine in that it was bad timing … I know I can’t live the next year of my life waiting for her… but ugh. Idk. I don’t meet a lot of people like that. She was rare for me.

We’re both women in our late 20s for context. It’s been a month since things ended. We only saw each other in person twice, but we texted a lot.

In the month that we were talking, she flaked on three dates, but each time she sent me a longggg paragraph saying how sorry she was and how it’s just a bad/crazy busy time for her and that she was really looking forward to seeing me and wants to reschedule.

The first date was honestly probably the best first date I’ve ever had in my life. She seemed to reciprocate my enthusiasm. But then like a week later she started acting very hot and cold.

The second and last time we saw each other in person, she gave me a whole speech about how she really likes me and feels a connection, but doesn’t have the capacity for a relationship and can’t be “the most consistent.” She asked if I maybe wanted to be friends…

It was hard to process in the moment. I was trying to understand why she would meet up in person to tell me this… so I was like “am I not your type physically or something? are you attracted to me?” And she was like “oh, yes, I am very very attracted to you…” and then we ended up making out and acting like the way we were on the first date. She even suggested more hypothetical future dates. It was really nice… but then afterwards I realized… wait… she said she doesn’t have the capacity…what are we doing…

A few days later, I texted her a very long but honest message about how I felt. She responded with a long text explaining her side, that she’s struggling with depression, credit card debt, and overwhelm, and said it might be “six months to a year” until her life is stable enough for something. She also said she “has no doubts “ about me, but also ended the message saying “I believe you will find someone with good chemistry whose values are more aligned!”

I just idk. I know there are other fish in the sea but this connection felt so promising and so rare (especially being a lesbian looking for someone with very specific qualities… these people are not like falling out of the sky…)

I find myself having a hard time letting go of the hope that this was a “right person, wrong time” situation. Like, idk. We don’t even really know each other, but it feels like she really just cut it off so short, before we could even find out if this would work or not. It was really so promising. And she seemed genuine in that it was bad timing … I know I can’t live the next year of my life waiting for her… but ugh. Idk. I don’t meet a lot of people like that. She was rare for me.

It’s been a month since things ended. We only saw each other in person twice, but we texted a lot. Typical beginning- the connection felt extremely special for me (anxious leaning secure-ish attachment) and then once I started showing that I liked her she started getting hot and cold. In the month that we were talking, she flaked on three dates, but each time she sent me a longggg paragraph saying how sorry she was and how it’s just a bad/crazy busy time for her and that she was really looking forward to seeing me and wants to reschedule.

The first date was honestly probably the best first date I’ve ever had in my life. So many shared interests , a weird amount of similarities (which she loved to point out!) , and really great physical chemistry imo…

The second and last time we saw each other in person, she gave me a whole speech about how she likes me and feels a connection, but doesn’t have the capacity for a relationship and can’t be “consistent.” She asked if I wanted to be friends…

It was hard to process in the moment. I was like “wait… are you attracted to me??” And she was like “oh yes yes I am very very attracted to you…” and then we ended up making out and acting like the way we were on the first date. She even suggested more hypothetical future dates. It was really nice… but then afterwards I realized… wait… she said she doesn’t have the capacity…

I texted her like a wall of text about how I felt. She responded with a long text explaining her side, and said it might be “six months to a year” until her life is stable enough for something. She also said she “has no doubts “ about me, but also ended the message saying “I believe you will find someone with good chemistry whose values are more aligned!”

I just idk. I know there are other fish in the sea but this connection felt so promising and so rare (especially being a lesbian looking for someone with very specific qualities… these people are not like falling out of the sky…)