Vent.
I am unsure of why I am writing this. Maybe I'm seeking sympathy, maybe I want to find someone with a similar story. Either way, I want to share my experience.
I, 16 F, was bullied in middle school. I had gained a significant amount of weight due to depression at 13, and the boys in my school would never let me forget it. They would repeatedly ask me out as a joke, make sexual comments about my body as a joke. It happened daily, and slowly made me disgusted with myself. I dreaded going to school, as they treated me as a joke. The bullying lasted from 13-15, two years. I developed bulimia and lost an extreme amount of weight in less than a year. I now talk to a therapist that is kind but has done nothing to my mental health.
High school gave me a chance to be rid of the bullying, but I still feel it everyday. In every glance and interaction as I walk through the hallways-I feel like a joke. This is the part that I feel guilty over, but I have grown a resentment towards men (except family). Everytime I talk to a man, I expect him to laugh in my face and make a cruel comment about my looks, I do not expect him to treat me like a human. This can change over time, I have multiple male aquientences.
My friends around me are all falling in love. Before everything went down, I had fallen in love twice, once with a girl and once with a boy. Now, I cannot see myself romantically or sexually with anyone. I have nightmares where I fall in love, but all I can hear is the laughing of my former bullies as they make comments about my body.