u/FB_Imperium_Xii

For the first time in a long time, I genuinely feel like I’m starting to move on. Since leaving the care system at 17 I’ve battled with years of instability and recently a relationship breakdown. For those year’s I tied my self worth into what other people have thought of me or acted towards me.

I was in a relationship for 3 1/2 years. Gave that woman the stability she needed to be able to get a career, start living a good life even if it meant the expense of my feelings.

The last few weeks (it’s been 5 so far) have shown me how much peace I’d been missing. I’ve had moments where I expected to fall apart, but instead have handled things calmly. I kept my boundaries, I focused on what needed doing. And I’ve started to feel like my life is actually mine again.

There’s still practical things to sort out. Belongings, moving, packing, awkward conversations with her mum. But emotionally, something has shifted. I don’t feel like I need closure from the other person anymore. Their behaviour has given me enough clarity.

I’m not angry in the same way I was, I’m not chasing answers. I’m not trying to be understood by someone who couldn’t meet me properly when it mattered (they’re the avoidant type).

I just want peace now. Stability. Growth. A clean space. A better routine. A version of myself that doesn’t abandon himself just to keep someone close.

For the first time, moving on doesn’t feel like something I’m forcing.

It feels like something that’s finally happening.

I reconnected with my mum, brother and nephew today for the first time in 6 years. Upon arrival, it was very emotional. They had kept a statue penguin from 6 years ago that was a Christmas present from my mum.

My brother has had a child, he’s younger than me. My nephew is as tall if not taller than me. Me and my mum stayed up until 3:30am chatting about life updates.

A lot has happened in the family. I’m starting to feel conflicted about this reconnection. It was organised by me very late minute after an extensive conversation with a Rasta man. I was planning on staying until Sunday, I’ve since realised this has been a little too much for me too soon.

I feel guilty for doing this now, tomorrow in the afternoon I’d like to go back home. I’m unsure on how they’ll perceive this. I’ve been through a lot of trauma with my family and I only just feel in the last month that I’ve stabilised myself.

Can anyone give advice on where to go from here?

I’m only just starting to live life at 28. In my younger years I had some traumatic experiences. Following this I had a long period of instability, almost like floating through life.

In the last few weeks my avoidant ex of 3 1/2 years decided to leave me. At first I was taken a back, but then I realised what had happened. She cheated about a week before breaking up. Have receipts. I’m just so glad this happened as I was really beating myself up and blaming myself.

I don’t speak to my family due to the trauma they put me through and I have a handful of friends. I’ve been hitting the gym, journaling, meditating, attending as many supportive rooms as possible. Does anyone have any other advice that would allow me to build myself a really good life from here?

Take extra care with the snails on walking paths today, they’re out in numbers!!

I’m 28M and my relationship with my ex-partner recently ended after several years together.

I’m finding it incredibly hard to cope with. I know breakups are painful for everyone, but this feels like more than sadness. It feels like withdrawal. My body feels panicked, my mind keeps bargaining, and I keep having waves where I feel like I need her back just to feel okay again. I know that probably isn’t healthy, but it’s honestly where I am emotionally.

There were issues in the relationship and I’m not trying to pretend I was perfect. I can see now that I made mistakes, reacted badly at times, and didn’t always show up in the way I should have. I’m also currently in addiction recovery, so I’m aware that my emotions and nervous system are all over the place right now. I’m trying to take responsibility instead of just blaming the breakup or blaming her.
The hardest part is that I still love her and I keep thinking, “I know what I did wrong now, I know what I would never do again, why can’t we try again?” But I also know that love and regret don’t automatically undo damage. I don’t want to harass her, pressure her, or become someone she feels she has to manage emotionally.

There are also practical pressures around housing and my future that are making the breakup feel even more urgent and terrifying. I’m trying not to let that panic turn into me trying to force contact or make decisions from fear.
Right now I feel caught between two realities:
On one hand, I desperately want her back. I keep hoping she’ll come back, that enough time or the right message could fix things, and that we could rebuild.
On the other hand, I know I may have to accept that the relationship is over, focus on recovery, and become stable without using her as my emotional anchor.

I’m struggling with how to actually do that day to day.
For people who have been through this kind of breakup, especially where you were attached, regretful, or dealing with addiction/mental health issues at the same time:

How do you stop obsessing over whether they’ll come back?

How do you take accountability without spiralling into shame?

How do you respect someone’s space when every part of you wants to reach out?

And how do you know whether hope is healthy, or whether it’s just stopping you from grieving?

I’m not looking for advice on how to manipulate her into returning. I think I need honest advice on how to survive this, take responsibility, and not make it worse.