Scared of this feeling
UPDATE: MY OBGYN TEAM RESPONDED and it's not hopeful. They told me to STOP the BCP (which i literally just swallowed) because of the SI, and don't want to give me anything else until my appointment on 6/2/25. I've responded that this isn't good enough. You can't take away what is helping the hot and cold flashes. My temp drops to 95F and it hurts. I told her I refuse to stop the BCP without a replacement. I hate this. I'm supposed to track my mood until then. Bitch. She said they may not give me anything else because of my history of MI and to check with my Psych. WTF do you think I'm doing?
The mood swings are so severe that the "normal" suicidal ideation I've always had with mental illness is turning into real thoughts. It's never in my life been like this. I feel like I'm destroying my family. They can only be so understanding for so long, is what my brain tells me. There's so much more to it than this, all of the symptoms, but this is what I feel like is killing me. I have been targeting it from all sides: psychiatrist, therapist, PCP, OBGYN.
It's not getting better. I'm on 100 mg progesterone (for 2 years) before bed, and started Kurvelo birth control 4 months ago. There was a slight improvement to the hot and cold flashes but no relief mentally. I was vaping THC and it helped, until it didn't. Now it only induces extreme paranoia so I'm trying CBD tincture with it but don't see much of a difference, so now there is no relief. I can't drink, sober 14 years. Exercise helps a tiny bit.
So many times I felt like I needed to call 911 but I'm afraid of what will happen if I do. This is not normal and I don't know what else to do.
I have an appointment coming up in my birthday in 5 days with my psychiatrist again, and another with my OBGYN a few days later.
Just really feeling alone and scared.