u/Fallible_Lemur03

Edit: Accidentally put my crush as Male in the title, she’s Female.

Hi everyone,

A few years ago in the last year of high school, I got a crush on a friend of mine - however she was in a long-term relationship so I never told her about my feelings when they arose. I tried to get rid of this feelings since there was no use for them, but they just remained while I tried to pursue other people. Finally, she was single two years later, but when I went to ask her out she was already seeing another guy. I definitely could have still done it, but I was way too nervous since we were such close friends by this point.

That relationship lasted a year, and when I found out I felt nothing, so I believed it to be over. I invited her to my weekly trivia team with my other two close friends, and it was happy days for a few weeks.

Then I began to notice that one of my other two mates were getting pretty close with her. This struck me as off because he had only recently gotten over a pretty tough crush, which ended poorly for him. I was there for him at the time and consoled him, just as he had done for me with my own crush.

So, I confronted him after a couple of weeks and asked if he liked her. He initially said no, and I was relieved. Then he thought for a second, and legit said “Wait a minute… maybe I… do?” Christ. So we spoke outside for a while, calmly at first. He said he did enjoy talking to her, and they messaged constantly. I told him I was uncomfortable with him pursuing her because I had felt I had only just gotten over her and needed time. He defending himself saying I need to think about HIS feelings and also what SHE wanted to do too. This was valid, but I still got cross. I said he barely knew her, and already wanted to pursue her despite my long term feelings and could pursue literally anyone else, not a close friend we see every week who I had liked for a long time. He didn’t care, so I told him to fuck off. (I’m not very good at controlling my emotions, but I was right to be angry at the time). He’d only really known her a month and a half.

Not only this, but he had done this before. Two years prior, our other friend (21M, also at trivia, and my BEST friend) also had a long term crush, and he pursued her and kissed her without consideration for his feelings. So this is now the second time he’s gone through with this.

We had to sort things out the next day as we had the footy the day after, but unfortunately we just agreed to disagree. I told him that it would kill me if he pursued her, and he said “not my problem”. That’s always stung, and my therapist also says that’s not something a friend would say, nor is this something a close friend really does. He also said that I must still like her if I really am that hurt by this. He was unfortunately right, I just chose to ignore this. I had mistaken no longer wanting to pursue her for no longer having feelings for her.

A few days later, I finally told her about how I used to feel. She understood and was surprised. I asked her if she would’ve ever said yes, but she said she valued our friendship too much to risk anything and also only ever saw me as a friend, which I understood. I was quite happy with that result.

So the weeks went by, and they got closer. About a week and a half after our argument, he had already brought her into his room for an hour and a half. I stressed the fuck out. I asked her what happened and she said he was just showing her things, and I trust her considering what I know what has happened since then.

Finally, I blew up and told her everything. His openly pursuing her in front of me was making me extremely uncomfortable, and he wasn’t open to being reasonable or considerate at all. She understood, and said she wouldn’t pursue him because she knew it would hurt me and make things uncomfortable. I told her if she wanted to she could but she said it would be wrong to and that she would feel guilty - which is the answer I wanted from him to be completely honest. Unfortunately, she told me she also at times thought she might like him, but wasn’t sure and didn’t really cement it. I was a bit hurt, but I understood.

Another few weeks went by, but things were still uncomfortable, because I had to wait for him to finally ask her out to finally have closure on the situation. But the closer I got, the more hurt, jealous and betrayed I felt by him. At a footy game, I got very drunk and uncomfortable to be around - I gave him lots of angry glares and just didn’t want to be around him. I apologised to both of them.

We went to another trivia, without the mutual friend. It was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. I just COULD not be around him. I went to the bathroom multiple times just to get away from him. I resented him.

I finally blocked him. He kept posting love stories about some “mystery girl”, and I was extremely uncomfortable. I no longer saw him as a friend, and still don’t. It hurt like hell, but it felt like I had to.

At long last we come to here. I found out last week from a mutual friend that they had kissed. I was crushed. I sobbed in my mates arms for a few minutes and was completely dead inside. Then a few days later another friend showed me a discord message where he said he was with his “girlfriend”. I felt sick. I regrettably sent him a bunch of horrible messages saying how horrible of a friend he was, and said some other awful things. I immediately went to a friends house to get support. Then she called.

She said that those messages were wrong to send, and started crying. I immediately felt bad, and she said she felt guilty for telling me multiple times that nothing would happen, even though she had already done things and still was. She originally was going to stay true to her word and not pursue him, but said she was selfish and tried out dates with him, and they went really well. And she’s kissed him three times. She liked him from the first trivia, and still does. She said he had asked her to be his boyfriend, but she said she didn’t have an answer because she felt guilty because of me, and wants us all to be friends. She still hasn’t reached a decision: I’m the only thing standing in the way.

So we reach today - two days after this phone call. I don’t want to exist anymore. I had a mental breakdown yesterday, a panic attack in the car, my stomach hurts when I think about it (I’m ALWAYS thinking about it), the image of them kissing never leaves my head and I threw up this morning from stress. I am SO incredibly stressed. This is emotional torture for me.

She asked me if him and I would be friends again if she said no. Her apparently priority is his and I’s friendship. If she says no, I can see myself reconnecting with him later this year. Just for now, anytime I see him I’ll be extremely resentful. I’ll picture them kissing and I’ll be incredibly jealous. Personally, I don’t want to see him again. All of my memories with him are now tainted (we’ve only been good friends for just over a year now), and I feel betrayed. I would never do this to anyone.

Please anyone offer advice, or strategies to better myself. Until she reaches a decision I’m going to feel so so awful, and I’m really hoping for a no so things can hopefully return to how they were. I feel like I’m not going to be comfortable seeing her if they get together as well, knowing that he’s on the other side. It’s selfish I know, but it fucking kills that he’s leaving my dream, a dream he knew I had and could’ve avoided with ease.

Edit: Accidentally put my crush as Male in the title, she’s Female.

Hi everyone,

A few years ago in the last year of high school, I got a crush on a friend of mine - however she was in a long-term relationship so I never told her about my feelings when they arose. I tried to get rid of this feelings since there was no use for them, but they just remained while I tried to pursue other people. Finally, she was single two years later, but when I went to ask her out she was already seeing another guy. I definitely could have still done it, but I was way too nervous since we were such close friends by this point.

That relationship lasted a year, and when I found out I felt nothing, so I believed it to be over. I invited her to my weekly trivia team with my other two close friends, and it was happy days for a few weeks.

Then I began to notice that one of my other two mates were getting pretty close with her. This struck me as off because he had only recently gotten over a pretty tough crush, which ended poorly for him. I was there for him at the time and consoled him, just as he had done for me with my own crush.

So, I confronted him after a couple of weeks and asked if he liked her. He initially said no, and I was relieved. Then he thought for a second, and legit said “Wait a minute… maybe I… do?” Christ. So we spoke outside for a while, calmly at first. He said he did enjoy talking to her, and they messaged constantly. I told him I was uncomfortable with him pursuing her because I had felt I had only just gotten over her and needed time. He defending himself saying I need to think about HIS feelings and also what SHE wanted to do too. This was valid, but I still got cross. I said he barely knew her, and already wanted to pursue her despite my long term feelings and could pursue literally anyone else, not a close friend we see every week who I had liked for a long time. He didn’t care, so I told him to fuck off. (I’m not very good at controlling my emotions, but I was right to be angry at the time). He’d only really known her a month and a half.

Not only this, but he had done this before. Two years prior, our other friend (also at trivia, and my BEST friend) also had a long term crush, and he pursued her and kissed her without consideration for his feelings. So this is now the second time he’s gone through with this.

We had to sort things out the next day as we had the footy the day after, but unfortunately we just agreed to disagree. I told him that it would kill me if he pursued her, and he said “not my problem”. That’s always stung, and my therapist also says that’s not something a friend would say, nor is this something a close friend really does. He also said that I must still like her if I really am that hurt by this. He was unfortunately right, I just chose to ignore this. I had mistaken no longer wanting to pursue her for no longer having feelings for her.

A few days later, I finally told her about how I used to feel. She understood and was surprised. I asked her if she would’ve ever said yes, but she said she valued our friendship too much to risk anything and also only ever saw me as a friend, which I understood. I was quite happy with that result.

So the weeks went by, and they got closer. About a week and a half after our argument, he had already brought her into his room for an hour and a half. I stressed the fuck out. I asked her what happened and she said he was just showing her things, and I trust her considering what I know what has happened since then.

Finally, I blew up and told her everything. His openly pursuing her in front of me was making me extremely uncomfortable, and he wasn’t open to being reasonable or considerate at all. She understood, and said she wouldn’t pursue him because she knew it would hurt me and make things uncomfortable. I told her if she wanted to she could but she said it would be wrong to and that she would feel guilty - which is the answer I wanted from him to be completely honest. Unfortunately, she told me she also at times thought she might like him, but wasn’t sure and didn’t really cement it. I was a bit hurt, but I understood.

Another few weeks went by, but things were still uncomfortable, because I had to wait for him to finally ask her out to finally have closure on the situation. But the closer I got, the more hurt, jealous and betrayed I felt by him. At a footy game, I got very drunk and uncomfortable to be around - I gave him lots of angry glares and just didn’t want to be around him. I apologised to both of them.

We went to another trivia, without the mutual friend. It was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. I just COULD not be around him. I went to the bathroom multiple times just to get away from him. I resented him.

I finally blocked him. He kept posting love stories about some “mystery girl”, and I was extremely uncomfortable. I no longer saw him as a friend, and still don’t. It hurt like hell, but it felt like I had to.

At long last we come to here. I found out last week from a mutual friend that they had kissed. I was crushed. I sobbed in my mates arms for a few minutes and was completely dead inside. Then a few days later another friend showed me a discord message where he said he was with his “girlfriend”. I felt sick. I regrettably sent him a bunch of horrible messages saying how horrible of a friend he was, and said some other awful things. I immediately went to a friends house to get support. Then she called.

She said that those messages were wrong to send, and started crying. I immediately felt bad, and she said she felt guilty for telling me multiple times that nothing would happen, even though she had already done things and still was. She originally was going to stay true to her word and not pursue him, but said she was selfish and tried out dates with him, and they went really well. And she’s kissed him three times. She liked him from the first trivia, and still does. She said he had asked her to be his boyfriend, but she said she didn’t have an answer because she felt guilty because of me, and wants us all to be friends. She still hasn’t reached a decision: I’m the only thing standing in the way.

So we reach today - two days after this phone call. I don’t want to exist anymore. I had a mental breakdown yesterday, a panic attack in the car, my stomach hurts when I think about it (I’m ALWAYS thinking about it), the image of them kissing never leaves my head and I threw up this morning from stress. I am SO incredibly stressed. This is emotional torture for me.

She asked me if him and I would be friends again if she said no. Her apparently priority is his and I’s friendship. If she says no, I can see myself reconnecting with him later this year. Just for now, anytime I see him I’ll be extremely resentful. I’ll picture them kissing and I’ll be incredibly jealous. Personally, I don’t want to see him again. All of my memories with him are now tainted (we’ve only been good friends for just over a year now), and I feel betrayed. I would never do this to anyone.

Please anyone offer advice, or strategies to better myself. Until she reaches a decision I’m going to feel so so awful, and I’m really hoping for a no so things can hopefully return to how they were. I feel like I’m not going to be comfortable seeing her if they get together as well, knowing that he’s on the other side. It’s selfish I know, but it fucking kills that he’s leaving my dream, a dream he knew I had and could’ve avoided with ease.

Hi everyone,

A few years ago in the last year of high school, I got a crush on a friend of mine - however she was in a long-term relationship so I never told her about my feelings when they arose. I tried to get rid of this feelings since there was no use for them, but they just remained while I tried to pursue other people. Finally, she was single two years later, but when I went to ask her out she was already seeing another guy. I definitely could have still done it, but I was way too nervous since we were such close friends by this point.

That relationship lasted a year, and when I found out I felt nothing, so I believed it to be over. I invited her to my weekly trivia team with my other two close friends, and it was happy days for a few weeks.

Then I began to notice that one of my other two mates were getting pretty close with her. This struck me as off because he had only recently gotten over a pretty tough crush, which ended poorly for him. I was there for him at the time and consoled him, just as he had done for me with my own crush.

So, I confronted him after a couple of weeks and asked if he liked her. He initially said no, and I was relieved. Then he thought for a second, and legit said “Wait a minute… maybe I… do?” Christ. So we spoke outside for a while, calmly at first. He said he did enjoy talking to her, and they messaged constantly. I told him I was uncomfortable with him pursuing her because I had felt I had only just gotten over her and needed time. He defending himself saying I need to think about HIS feelings and also what SHE wanted to do too. This was valid, but I still got cross. I said he barely knew her, and already wanted to pursue her despite my long term feelings and could pursue literally anyone else, not a close friend we see every week who I had liked for a long time. He didn’t care, so I told him to fuck off. (I’m not very good at controlling my emotions, but I was right to be angry at the time). He’d only really known her a month and a half.

Not only this, but he had done this before. Two years prior, our other friend (also at trivia, and my BEST friend) also had a long term crush, and he pursued her and kissed her without consideration for his feelings. So this is now the second time he’s gone through with this.

We had to sort things out the next day as we had the footy the day after, but unfortunately we just agreed to disagree. I told him that it would kill me if he pursued her, and he said “not my problem”. That’s always stung, and my therapist also says that’s not something a friend would say, nor is this something a close friend really does. He also said that I must still like her if I really am that hurt by this. He was unfortunately right, I just chose to ignore this. I had mistaken no longer wanting to pursue her for no longer having feelings for her.

A few days later, I finally told her about how I used to feel. She understood and was surprised. I asked her if she would’ve ever said yes, but she said she valued our friendship too much to risk anything and also only ever saw me as a friend, which I understood. I was quite happy with that result.

So the weeks went by, and they got closer. About a week and a half after our argument, he had already brought her into his room for an hour and a half. I stressed the fuck out. I asked her what happened and she said he was just showing her things, and I trust her considering what I know what has happened since then.

Finally, I blew up and told her everything. His openly pursuing her in front of me was making me extremely uncomfortable, and he wasn’t open to being reasonable or considerate at all. She understood, and said she wouldn’t pursue him because she knew it would hurt me and make things uncomfortable. I told her if she wanted to she could but she said it would be wrong to and that she would feel guilty - which is the answer I wanted from him to be completely honest. Unfortunately, she told me she also at times thought she might like him, but wasn’t sure and didn’t really cement it. I was a bit hurt, but I understood.

Another few weeks went by, but things were still uncomfortable, because I had to wait for him to finally ask her out to finally have closure on the situation. But the closer I got, the more hurt, jealous and betrayed I felt by him. At a footy game, I got very drunk and uncomfortable to be around - I gave him lots of angry glares and just didn’t want to be around him. I apologised to both of them.

We went to another trivia, without the mutual friend. It was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. I just COULD not be around him. I went to the bathroom multiple times just to get away from him. I resented him.

I finally blocked him. He kept posting love stories about some “mystery girl”, and I was extremely uncomfortable. I no longer saw him as a friend, and still don’t. It hurt like hell, but it felt like I had to.

At long last we come to here. I found out last week from a mutual friend that they had kissed. I was crushed. I sobbed in my mates arms for a few minutes and was completely dead inside. Then a few days later another friend showed me a discord message where he said he was with his “girlfriend”. I felt sick. I regrettably sent him a bunch of horrible messages saying how horrible of a friend he was, and said some other awful things. I immediately went to a friends house to get support. Then she called.

She said that those messages were wrong to send, and started crying. I immediately felt bad, and she said she felt guilty for telling me multiple times that nothing would happen, even though she had already done things and still was. She originally was going to stay true to her word and not pursue him, but said she was selfish and tried out dates with him, and they went really well. And she’s kissed him three times. She liked him from the first trivia, and still does. She said he had asked her to be his boyfriend, but she said she didn’t have an answer because she felt guilty because of me, and wants us all to be friends. She still hasn’t reached a decision: I’m the only thing standing in the way.

So we reach today - two days after this phone call. I don’t want to exist anymore. I had a mental breakdown yesterday, a panic attack in the car, my stomach hurts when I think about it (I’m ALWAYS thinking about it), the image of them kissing never leaves my head and I threw up this morning from stress. I am SO incredibly stressed. This is emotional torture for me.

She asked me if him and I would be friends again if she said no. Her apparently priority is his and I’s friendship. If she says no, I can see myself reconnecting with him later this year. Just for now, anytime I see him I’ll be extremely resentful. I’ll picture them kissing and I’ll be incredibly jealous. Personally, I don’t want to see him again. All of my memories with him are now tainted (we’ve only been good friends for just over a year now), and I feel betrayed. I would never do this to anyone.

Please anyone offer advice, or strategies to better myself. Until she reaches a decision I’m going to feel so so awful, and I’m really hoping for a no so things can hopefully return to how they were. I feel like I’m not going to be comfortable seeing her if they get together as well, knowing that he’s on the other side. It’s selfish I know, but it fucking kills that he’s leaving my dream, a dream he knew I had and could’ve avoided with ease.

I don’t know if he’s toxic, or if I am, or if none of us are. I just want to know what to do to better my mental health and deal with this situation.

Hi everyone,

A few years ago in the last year of high school, I (20M) got a crush on a friend (20F) of mine - however she was in a long-term relationship so I never told her about my feelings when they arose. I tried to get rid of this feelings since there was no use for them, but they just remained while I tried to pursue other people. Finally, she was single two years later, but when I went to ask her out she was already seeing another guy. I definitely could have still done it, but I was way too nervous since we were such close friends by this point.

That relationship lasted a year, and when I found out I felt nothing, so I believed it to be over. I invited her to my weekly trivia team with my other two close friends, and it was happy days for a few weeks.

Then I began to notice that one of my other two mates (19M) were getting pretty close with her. This struck me as off because he had only recently gotten over a pretty tough crush, which ended poorly for him. I was there for him at the time and consoled him, just as he had done for me with my own crush.

So, I confronted him after a couple of weeks and asked if he liked her. He initially said no, and I was relieved. Then he thought for a second, and legit said “Wait a minute… maybe I… do?” Christ. So we spoke outside for a while, calmly at first. He said he did enjoy talking to her, and they messaged constantly. I told him I was uncomfortable with him pursuing her because I had felt I had only just gotten over her and needed time. He defending himself saying I need to think about HIS feelings and also what SHE wanted to do too. This was valid, but I still got cross. I said he barely knew her, and already wanted to pursue her despite my long term feelings and could pursue literally anyone else, not a close friend we see every week who I had liked for a long time. He didn’t care, so I told him to fuck off. (I’m not very good at controlling my emotions, but I was right to be angry at the time). He’d only really known her a month and a half.

Not only this, but he had done this before. Two years prior, our other friend (20M, also at trivia, and my BEST friend) also had a long term crush, and he pursued her and kissed her without consideration for his feelings. So this is now the second time he’s gone through with this.

We had to sort things out the next day as we had the footy the day after, but unfortunately we just agreed to disagree. I told him that it would kill me if he pursued her, and he said “not my problem”. That’s always stung, and my therapist also says that’s not something a friend would say, nor is this something a close friend really does. He also said that I must still like her if I really am that hurt by this. He was unfortunately right, I just chose to ignore this. I had mistaken no longer wanting to pursue her for no longer having feelings for her.

A few days later, I finally told her about how I used to feel. She understood and was surprised. I asked her if she would’ve ever said yes, but she said she valued our friendship too much to risk anything and also only ever saw me as a friend, which I understood. I was quite happy with that result.

So the weeks went by, and they got closer. About a week and a half after our argument, he had already brought her into his room for an hour and a half. I stressed the fuck out. I asked her what happened and she said he was just showing her things, and I trust her considering what I know what has happened since then.

Finally, I blew up and told her everything. His openly pursuing her in front of me was making me extremely uncomfortable, and he wasn’t open to being reasonable or considerate at all. She understood, and said she wouldn’t pursue him because she knew it would hurt me and make things uncomfortable. I told her if she wanted to she could but she said it would be wrong to and that she would feel guilty - which is the answer I wanted from him to be completely honest. Unfortunately, she told me she also at times thought she might like him, but wasn’t sure and didn’t really cement it. I was a bit hurt, but I understood.

Another few weeks went by, but things were still uncomfortable, because I had to wait for him to finally ask her out to finally have closure on the situation. But the closer I got, the more hurt, jealous and betrayed I felt by him. At a footy game, I got very drunk and uncomfortable to be around - I gave him lots of angry glares and just didn’t want to be around him. I apologised to both of them.

We went to another trivia, without the mutual friend. It was the most uncomfortable thing I’ve ever experienced. I just COULD not be around him. I went to the bathroom multiple times just to get away from him. I resented him.

I finally blocked him. He kept posting love stories about some “mystery girl”, and I was extremely uncomfortable. I no longer saw him as a friend, and still don’t. It hurt like hell, but it felt like I had to.

At long last we come to here. I found out last week from a mutual friend that they had kissed. I was crushed. I sobbed in my mates arms for a few minutes and was completely dead inside. Then a few days later another friend showed me a discord message where he said he was with his “girlfriend”. I felt sick. I regrettably sent him a bunch of horrible messages saying how horrible of a friend he was, and said some other awful things. I immediately went to a friends house to get support. Then she called.

She said that those messages were wrong to send, and started crying. I immediately felt bad, and she said she felt guilty for telling me multiple times that nothing would happen, even though she had already done things and still was. She originally was going to stay true to her word and not pursue him, but said she was selfish and tried out dates with him, and they went really well. And she’s kissed him three times. She liked him from the first trivia, and still does. She said he had asked her to be his boyfriend, but she said she didn’t have an answer because she felt guilty because of me, and wants us all to be friends. She still hasn’t reached a decision: I’m the only thing standing in the way.

So we reach today - two days after this phone call. I don’t want to exist anymore. I had a mental breakdown yesterday, a panic attack in the car, my stomach hurts when I think about it (I’m ALWAYS thinking about it), the image of them kissing never leaves my head and I threw up this morning from stress. I am SO incredibly stressed. This is emotional torture for me.

She asked me if him and I would be friends again if she said no. Her apparently priority is his and I’s friendship. If she says no, I can see myself reconnecting with him later this year. Just for now, anytime I see him I’ll be extremely resentful. I’ll picture them kissing and I’ll be incredibly jealous. Personally, I don’t want to see him again. All of my memories with him are now tainted (we’ve only been good friends for just over a year now), and I feel betrayed. I would never do this to anyone.

Please anyone offer advice, or strategies to better myself. Until she reaches a decision I’m going to feel so so awful, and I’m really hoping for a no so things can hopefully return to how they were. I feel like I’m not going to be comfortable seeing her if they get together as well, knowing that he’s on the other side. It’s selfish I know, but it fucking kills that he’s leaving my dream, a dream he knew I had and could’ve avoided with ease.