I(f19) found out my bf (21m) cheated on our trip across the world. Can you help?
I’m reposting this again to make sure the edit gets some attention, I need more opinions
We’ve been together for 3 years and a half. He always was so amazing, kind, considerate like honestly anything you could ask for in a man…or at least I thought so.
I graduated high school and to celebrate we organized a trip together to japan ( for context we live in Switzerland and we have been planning for over 6months)
It’s our second day here and he opened instagram but when he did I saw a girl in his dms so he let me take his phone which I find crazy and when I opened it tons of messages. He calls her my love or cutesie nicknames like that, he asked for pics of her wearing lingerie even though she did not send any. What’s crazy is that she knows he has a girlfriend and they even played on that. He told her if I didn’t exist he would jump her and she keeps saying she is jealous of me and he tells her they can also go on a trip together. They talk about sex and his dick and showers he tells her he desires her and likes her. It’s also more than just sexual cause they tell each other they will always be there for one another and they talk about how it would be if I didn’t not exist. He tells her when he is not feeling well and vice-versa. They never met each other in person though and she lives miles away from him. They met on a game I showed him. From what I gathered it’s been very heavy sexual stuff for a couple weeks but they have been talking for at least a month. It’s true that I have been a bit distant with him because I was going through finals ( that’s about when he started talking to her I think) but yeah.
I confronted him. All he has to say is that to him it means nothing, that he would never act on anything that if she had sent him nudes he would have blocked and that this whole entire thing was to boost his self esteem.
The worst part is that after I have to spend hours reassuring him when I go to parties or when I hang out with friends and there’s a guy whilst he goes and does that.
I told him to go find a hotel for tonight and am currently waiting for him to go to ours and get his stuff.
I never saw it coming. He seems so entirely different from the others.
My whole entire being wants to go back to him. I want so badly to forgive him or just forget about it shove it down and have a lovely trip. I want that so so so badly and I know if I see him again tonight i won’t be able to fight that urge anymore.
I have two options:
Go back to him somehow and enjoy the trip in his warm embrace or cut off all ties and finish this trip solo. ( he will leave or find other hotels but all the hotels we booked together are mine to sleep in btw I still have 17 days before my flight back)
I can try and find a flight now but that would cost so so much and even though that would be incredibly comforting to be home I would miss out on my amazing grad trip to Japan that I worked my ass off to plan.
All this just happened a couple hours ago but all I know is that I feel so incredibly alone. He’s been my best friend for so long I can’t imagine a life without him.
I need help I am completely lost as to what to do.
And yes he is my first boyfriend.
How do I navigate this?
Edit: it’s the next day. I miss him too much. I’m lost and confused and so so so alone.
Did you ever go back to your partner even though he cheated? How was it? I love him so much still, with every fiber of my being I don’t know if I can do this.
I mean we are all humans right? We make mistakes and learn from them once confronted with the consequences…he swore he would do better. He blocked her and she told him to stop texting her.
The time difference from home is too big for me to be able to talk to anyone I know…except him.
Can’t we work through this…?
Is it even considered cheating if they never met?