How Do You Quiet an Internal Monologue That Never Stops?
I have been dealing with anxiety for a while, and over time I have realized that my anxiety is not mainly about feeling depressed or having unstable moods. My main issue seems to be my internal monologue and constant overthinking.
By internal monologue, I mean the inner voice in my head. For example, when I read a book silently, I can hear myself reading the sentences in my mind. That same inner voice is also active when I think. For me, it becomes constant and overwhelming. It keeps thinking, analyzing, predicting, and worrying about the future.
Most of my rumination is future focused. I do not usually get stuck thinking about the past. Instead, my mind constantly goes toward “what if” thoughts. Things like:
What if something goes wrong?
What if I make the wrong decision?
Because of that, I feel like I cannot fully stay in the present moment. My mind keeps pulling me into future scenarios, and it keeps my nervous system in a constant state of anxiety.
A while ago, I was taking citalopram for anxiety. The reason I liked citalopram was that it did something very specific for me: it completely quieted my internal monologue. Normally, when I read silently, I hear myself reading the words in my head. But while I was on citalopram, that disappeared. I was not hearing myself read in my head anymore, and my thoughts felt much quieter.
That quietness gave me a strong sense of peace. Because the internal monologue was quiet, the rumination and overthinking stopped. When the rumination stopped, my anxiety also became much lower. I also felt emotionally neutral in a way that was actually relieving for me. I was not feeling intense fear, anger, sadness, or anxiety. I did not feel like a zombie. I felt clear headed, calm, and stable.
The problem was that I experienced weight gain while taking citalopram, so I stopped it. After that, I was switched to venlafaxine. Venlafaxine did not work well for me because it made me extremely drowsy and exhausted. It felt like the tiredness was too much, so I could not continue with it.
After venlafaxine, I tried duloxetine. Duloxetine also did not work well for me. It caused severe insomnia, and because I could not sleep properly, my anxiety became worse. Lack of sleep made my nervous system feel even more activated.
After that, I went back to citalopram because I was hoping to get the same quiet mind effect again. But unfortunately, even after increasing the dose, it did not bring back the same effect I had the first time. My internal monologue did not fully shut off the way it had before.
Now I am taking buspirone. Buspirone does help lower my anxiety somewhat, so I am not saying it does nothing. It helps to a degree. But it does not give me the main effect I am looking for, which is quieting or shutting off the internal monologue that leads to rumination and overthinking.
That is why I feel stuck. My anxiety seems directly connected to my internal monologue. When that inner voice is active, I overthink, I ruminate, and I get anxious. When that inner voice was quiet on citalopram, I felt peaceful, emotionally neutral, and much less anxious.
I am trying to understand whether other people experience anxiety this way too. I want to know if anyone else feels like their internal monologue is the root of their anxiety, and what has helped them quiet it down. I am especially interested in hearing about medications, therapy approaches, meditation, or any other strategies that helped reduce rumination and create a quieter mind.