u/FarCorner5035

Yesterday I binged on whatever sounded good at whatever time. I felt so full. So heavy. And yet I still ate dinner like a greedy pig.

I look in the mirror and I’m disappointed I don’t look how I did before I started eating again. Even if it may be barely noticeable to the people around me, I still mourn the body I had before. Right now, I’m thinking how my chubby chin looks pressed against my chest as I’m looking down at my phone, writing this post.

I feel ugly, unloved and most definitely fat. I feel the need to skip every other type of food for today and give myself a fast, though that won’t help. Because then, I’ll have the problem of being so hungry that I’ll binge again. It’s always an on and off battle of that. I want to get better. But I’m humiliated to admit that I binge along with fasting. I wish I only fasted. Then maybe I’d be more pressed to tell people.

Or maybe I can hold down a fast for today. I can make myself feel lighter again. I want to eat a normal amount. I don’t want it to be either too much or not enough.

I am heavily overweight. I grew up very insecure about it so now I have this silly little disorder that doesnt seem to care I don’t want to binge at all.

I also have seemed to have no appetite as of recently. It’s just the simple fact of eating that either seems like the most challenging or most easy thing in the world. I want help, but my mind makes me fear I haven’t struggled long enough to even be considered as what I think is bulimic.