u/Farlyte1984

Recently, a lot of the songs I have been learning have involved mini barres that are in the middle of the strings/don't involve higher strings (0X4450, for instance) or barring with the ring finger (779999). I find it extremely hard to do these, especially the ring barring; I just can't do it comfortably without squeezing the hell out of my neck or having it sound horrible, not to mention switching. Are there any tips that I'm missing, or is it down to good ol practice?

Recently, a lot of the songs I have been learning have involved mini barres that don't involve higher strings (0X4450, for instance) or barring with the ring finger (779999). I find it extremely hard to do these, especially the ring barring; I just can't do it comfortably without squeezing the hell out of my neck or having it sound horrible, not to mention switching. Are there any tips that I'm missing, or is it down to good ol practice?

Hello Reddit. I am a teenager, on the younger side. I wanted to ask your advice on what to do regarding my situation, and possibly the best way to counter it. After writing the main part of this, I realize I wrote a lot more than intended. Please feel free to skip down to the *MAIN ISSUE* part of it, as it addresses the bulk of my needing help.

TLDR: My mother is under constant verbal abuse and economic control from my narcissistic father. However, he has the upper hand in terms of a court setting, and I need advice on how to navigate a legal argument so that my mother won't have to worry too much about wages or general living once she gets away from him as soon as possible, so that she can live a happy life.

*BACKGROUND AND DETAILS*

My mother and I (single child) are constantly under the threat of my father's wrath. He is most certainly a narcissist, as he never apologizes or believes other people's word. 90% of the time, arguments arise either because of a small problem that he somehow inflates to involve his (usually shitty) opinion, or because my mother or I bring up an issue that he either refuses to speak civilly about or, again, somehow turns the discussion to his being the victim, even if that had nothing to do with the conversation to begin with.

He is also extremely cagey with money. As a short background, my father came to the Americas at age 13, while my mami came at around her late 20s. My father convinced her to abandon her life in Taiwan to come to America, back when he wasn't a complete asshole and maybe actually loved my mom. Compared to my father, who currently has a well-paying career that sustains the family stably, my mother had less lingual and general education in America. Therefore, my mother and I rely on my father for most of our economic needs and wants.

He knows this well, and takes advantage of it to control what happens in the family. He makes much more money than my mami, and he used to give her monthly wages for her to spend on simple luxuries or other non-daily things, such as from the supermarket. Recently (as in the last few months), however, he has cut off all money from her, including our Target card, which we often use to purchase groceries, basic needs, etc. She is unable to buy things she enjoys, and when she asks, she is berated and unable to fight back, as he is the one with the money and he knows that, he makes sure we know that we are helpless without him.

I did some research, and I learned that this control can be classified as a form of domestic abuse, known as **economic abuse**. And I believe this rings true for my mami. Her English is not the best and it is hard for her to get a good job, because she majored in music in college but her instrument is not popular in America at all. She cannot leave to go back to Taiwan, both because she doesn't have enough money to make it back nor does she want to leave me alone here with my father.

*MAIN ISSUE*

I have considered the option of reporting him to Social Services, but I hesitate mostly because I know he will have the upper hand. He has god knows how much money stored up in his 50 some bank accounts, he speaks English fluently and has a generally charming personality in public, and he has a reputable job and position. My mother speaks broken English, has not had any official jobs in the United States, and only recently became a citizen in the past 3 years.

Worst of all, my father is very intelligent. He knows exactly when the line snaps and bends it until the last inch, making sure to never overstep in the legal realm. He is very good at attacking my mother and I with words and almost never violence (although there are some instances, though long ago). Unfortunately, my mother has struck him a few times after he egged her on. He has threatened to use this information in court if we ever take him there, and I know that we cannot win against that. Multiple times, he has recorded her "psychosis" (his description for her breaking down after arguments) and says that it will ensure that he gains custody of me.

This is what I am afraid of. My mother and I have many years of similar yet blurry occurrences where he hits us with words and control instead of physical abuse, and he has solid, concrete evidence. Not to mention, when it comes to bringing up evidence from the past (being from when I was a toddler to just the past few weeks) he is adamant in that his memory is always correct. He is more confident than my mother in English, and again, he uses this to his advantage. My mother also did not sign the prenup, meaning even if she won the divorce, she wouldn't get anything to help herself.

Recently, it has been getting worse. More and more frequently he verbally abuses my mother and refuses to address questions simply because he does not want to. I feel like much of my mami's life has been stripped away because of his control. She is always crying so often now.

*LONGER TLDR/CONCLUSION THAT IS MORE DETAILED*

In short, I really really want to help her but I don't know how to because I have no power and neither does she. I want to get my father away from her so that she can live a safe and happy life without needing to worry too much about wages or dependence. I want to help my mami live a happy life without my father putting her through mental hell, but I don't know how to go about it, and I really need someone's help and advice.

If there's any information I can provide on the situation, whether it be about past events of abuse that I can remember or anything that I can ask my mom for clarification about, please ask me. Thank you for reading all this. if this gets enough traction, I might update with more attention to detail.

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