u/Few_Success_5216

I've felt hate and shame about being disabled (physically and mentally) since 2022 when I had to give up my job after being in the psych ward for 8 days. I tried working once since then and only lasted three days.

This morning I realized, and hopefully no one judges me, but I don't want to work. Its not worth risking my sanity and the progress I've made, the mental health resources I've got and most of all, now I go to a day program for those with severe mental illness and I've developed like a family there,met my boyfriend there. I can't imagine leaving them and the help I get.

I like spending my days doing my simple hobbies and I am grateful I can do nothing when I'm not feeling well. Yesterday I told staff at the day program I was feeling depressed and they immediately called and got me a therapist. Helped me a whole lot.

This is huge progress for me. I love my life. Money is very tight and all but it's okay.

I'm constantly having all these thoughts and ideas, planning and I can't stop it. I have severe bipolar 1 disorder. What does this mean? Could I be manic? How can I calm down?

I'm feeling manic or at least hypomanic. I woke up this morning and started applying for jobs and ready to get my driver's license. Drivers license is a maybe but I have a history of not being able to work because of the severity of my bipolar disorder and PTSD. I can't work. Plus I have lupus, kidney disease, chronic pain, neuropathy in my legs and feet. I've failed miserably each time. But I feel hopeless because I want desperately to work, start a family, buy a house, etc do the things people do.

But no, I have severe bipolar disorder, PTSD, GAD, DID, personality disorder....the list is long. I'm so embarrassed by my boring life. This isn't what I planned at all. Will I just be at home knitting my life away watching cartoons and YouTube? Idk. My bf is what keeps me going and he's stressed because he's trying to get to a place where he can provide for me and take care of his s father.

I'm too embarrassed to tell my mom I'm hypomanic so I'm just gonna act like nothing happened and talk to my bf about it later.

I just can't seem to accept my life.

I've been really interested in reading the Quran but I have no plans or desire to leave Christianity. Can I read both the Bible and Quran? I hope no one is offended.

I can't get my bf words out of my head. Because I was bullied about my weight as a child and made to feel like something was wrong with me because I wouldn't have the freaky sex men wanted me to as an adult, I feel extremely insecure. I feel jealous of women for being so beautiful and having a nice body. I struggle with it daily.

My bf, while talking about my insecurities, he told me those words and I felt really loved for the first time by a man romantically. I was psychologically abused...by a man who literally felt turned on by causing me pain. To go from that to hearing those words means everything to me.

I want to be a mother. I want to be a nurse. That was my plan at 17. That's also when my chronic illness started. Down the line, chronic pain and being diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and severe bipolar 1 disorder, mixed episodes, rapid cycling.

I know in my heart I can't handle the stress of kids and work. I tried working. My job was with children. I know I can't do it but that doesn't stop me from wanting to.

Currently I'm 32, in a very healthy and loving relationship with my bf who has schizophrenia. We met at a rehabilitation for those with severe mental illness. He's in the group home and with his dad on weekends. I'm at home with my mom. It's a miracle we met and fell in love. I love him and I'm very grateful.

We're poor. We struggle daily mentally. He's turning 37 this year. Tbh I think I'm going to have fur babies. It's a high possibility I will foster dogs/cats later on once I'm a little more stable. My partner loves animals. So do I.

I'm terrified of the future, not having kids. Anyone here just have fur babies or you and your partner choose not to have children? Please let me know. I need encouragement.

I do look forward to marrying my partner one day. Adopting dogs. Continuing to spend life together. But I also have chronic kidney disease and lupus so it's so unwise for me to have kids. Several reasons not to have kids but it still hurts.

Also my bf is fine with or without children. There's no pressure there. He just wants me.

Also, I grieve working. I'm poor. It's very hard. But people also look down on you.

Anyone else mom neglect them? She didn't teach me how to bathe or take care of my hair. I didn't know you're supposed to wash your genitals when I was a kid. I realized I didn't know this stuff about being a woman until I was in my mid 20s. I'm 32 now and still learning. My therapist said she neglected me in that area and by not being proactive when I was severely sick which led to me getting kidney disease.

I'm a Black woman with natural hair. I haven't had a relaxer in over ten years but my hair is just now healthy because I've been teaching myself how to care for it. My mom never did. She lost her mind and bullied me endlessly when I stopped getting relaxers.

I feel dumb tbh like something wrong with me.

I'm interested in them. Is that ok?

I have really bad seborrheic dermatitis and the flakes were all in my locs and I couldn't wash my scalp properly so now I'm loose natural. I rock the afro. Can I still be Rasta?