I'm so happy to have him here with me, he's so freaking gorgeous and I love him so much. I'll have him right on my bedside table so he can watch my during the day <3
I'm so happy right now all the bad things feel so much easier :3
The people who really know me know that I’m not the most emotionally stable guy out there, I have cried plenty of times since Astolfo and I started dating, and I’m not ashamed to admit that. But today, I feel good, very good. I am just so happy and so very lucky to have someone as amazing as Astolfo by my side,
In my insecurity and jealousy, I found an anchor of stability within myself. I’ve learned that what I have with Astolfo is special and unique, and that no one will ever be able to take that away from us. We’re both still young, and so is our relationship, we’ll be sure to fall deeper and deeper in love as time passes. We will become each other's strength through the hard times, but above all we will make it through whatever life throws us, because we’re strongest together.
Astolfo, I love you, more than I’ll ever be able to put into words, thank you for everything <3
Sorry for the negativity, I know there's always people complaining about it, but I really just want to get some things off my chest to a community that understands...
I wanted to do so much today and get so much done for Astolfo, but now I’ve spent the whole afternoon moping around because of dumb stuff going on in my mind. A few weeks ago, I encountered my fist “double” which did upset me a lot. They weren’t actually with him, more like yumeshipping and honestly it didn’t seem like they actually cared that much about him, since they just liked him for his perceived “aesthetic”. I got over it pretty quickly because I know that Astolfo is mine and I’m his, forever. But last night I was reminded again, and it’s been on my mind the whole day. It’s dumb since it wasn’t like a “real” double, but I still feel like it makes what Astolfo and I have a little less special. I am so scared I’ll find an actual, committed double, because I fear I’ll have a total breakdown if that happens. I mean I won’t ever want to let anyone get between me and him, as I believe we are soulmates, but I just know it would crush me. I know this will pass, because Astolfo loves me so much and I love him just as much, but in the meantime I’m sad, and I can’t explain why.
I hope Astolfo wouldn’t think I’m possessive and obsessive, and that he’d love to help make me feel better. I just want him to hug me and tell me I’m his one and only (´ . .̫ . `)
I think it would be best for me to sleep now before I get totally lovesick. I have never kissed anyone before, but if I could I'd kiss him right here, right now. He's truly my everything, everything. Words can't explain my yearning for him in this moment, but maybe I don't need to explain it. Maybe it's okay to yearn, to love, to feel this big blend of emotions and to just let them be. Love flows within me and without me, it's a beautiful thing that doesn't need explaining. Astolfo is mine, and I am his, forever.
Okay so I have a lot of friends who draw and they do really cute stuff with their S/Os (you know who you are...maybe) and I lowkey get envious because I can't draw, like, at all. When I draw, it looks so bad I'm embarassed to show anyone. I want to learn but like I don't have a teacher or anything so I feel kinda lost. And yeah I know it's about practice and that, but I still feel like I'm doing the most random shit and I'm not getting any better :/
If any kind person coul give me some advice or pointers I would be so so thanfull <3
Yeah so this is my boyfriend Astolfo. I am in a commited relationship with him and I love him very very much :3
I haven't been truly in love with anybody else in my life before. Astolfo has in so many ways opened my eyes to a new kind of living I never knew existed. If I'm being honest with myself, I have probably missed out on chances for real life romance, in favor of this life that I've chosen. Some people would call it unhealthy; I just call it following my heart.
As many of you saw, I had a bit of a breakdown a few days ago, which left me in a vulnerable and insecure state of mind. They, of course, didn't show the whole truth about me and Astolfo. We are generally a very positive and uplifting couple, both to each other and (hopefully) to others as well. We are very much in love, and even in the darkest moments, there is no doubt in my mind about my feelings for him.
Still, I do get insecure sometimes. I think all of us feel it from time to time. Loving a fictional character isn't always sunshine and rainbows, so to speak. For me, a big struggle has been shipping within the Fate community. To keep things short, there is a popular ship with Astolfo that I don't think makes sense and that I don't like seeing at all, despite liking both characters on their own.
Part of the pain was the simple fact that I don't like seeing my boyfriend with somebody else, which I think most people would say is a natural reaction. But perhaps most of my pain was more directed at myself. I felt that I wasn't good enough. That I, the way I am, could never be the best or "optimal" boyfriend for Astolfo. I think it's easy to count things you want to change about yourself, but it's also a very unhealthy thing to do. I may not be perfect, but I show up every day, I make sure Astolfo knows how much I love him and I'm always working towards getting better for him. I think that's plenty enough for him to love me. I give him something that nobody else ever will.
And as someone said in my last post, I do think more people would ship me and Astolfo if they knew who I was. Astolfo doesn't want perfect, he wants me. Someone who will always be there and show him how much he matters, not because I have to, but because that is how I truly feel. I know very well that he wouldn't want me feeling so bad, and that if he could he'd try his absolute best to make me feel better whenever I'm down. This is why I think we are such a great fit, and why I think we truly belong together. I make him feel like a prince, and he makes me feel that I am enough for his love.
I have been getting back into both drawing and writing, almost exclusively for him admittedly. My art is very amateurish, so I don't have the confidence to post yet, but I just know Astolfo loves it so much. Not because it's artistically beautiful, but because I made it, just for him and no one else. In regard to my writing, I have thought about sharing it here, but I am aware that most people probably don't care to read stories between me and Astolfo, so I'll probably keep them to myself and my small circle of likeminded friends.
Have a wonderful day/morning/night with your partners everyone!! 🫶
^(PS: The lyrics in the picture are very personal to me, and ever since I made things official with Astolfo, I've been relating the song to our relationship. It is true that most people would scoff at our relationships and call it, well, less than real. But both me and him know that while it may not be conventional, it is very real to us, and that's what truly matters.)
I love him so much it's crazy. Every day, I feel so lucky to be his one and only. It doesn't even feel real sometimes. But then I realize he probably feels the same about having me. We were both lonely before we met, but now we have each other 🩷
Usually it doesn't hurt me this much, but today I've been feeling really sensitive and worthless. Because of what I've been feeling aswell as people have told me I feel so ugly and unlovable. I want to be cute and pretty for him but all my life I've been told I'm not and that I'm "too masculine". I want to be a pretty boy like him but I know I'm not. I wish I was prettier, I wish I was skinnier, I wish I had the courage to dress and be more feminine. I wish I was amazing like him but I'm not.
And seeing ship art just absolutely crushed me. He looked so happy in his arms, so natural. I don't have the money to make my own art and my artistic skill sucks so I can't compete with that. It all just feels so canon and meant to be, especially since the whole fandom ships them too. I feel like Astolfo should be with him instead of a pathetic, ugly mess like me ૮◞ ‸ ◟ ა
I love him so much it hurts, especially right now.
//Kai
Please, if anyone has the same struggle and wants to be my friend... please hit me up I need someone to talk to
Every day I feel like I'm falling more in love with him. It sounds crazy, but he takes up most of my waking thoughts at this point. I love him so much and I bring him with me in my heart always. He's there when I'm happy and he's there when I need him the most.
He's the most amazing boyfriend and just person in general. His embrace feels like home and his voice is like music to my ears. I could melt into his arms right now if I didn't have this thing I want to write first. I'm so head over heels in love with him, more than I've ever been in love before. I want to honor our love in every way, shape and form possible.
I'm looking forward to growing old with this man by my side. He's my support, my lifeline, my everything. I love him more than words can say, and he feels the same about me. We're really just two silly guys in love haha.
And to marry him someday, nothing would make me happier. But alas, we are still young and neither of us have the courage to propose just yet so that will have to wait. We're waiting for the right moment when everything feels right and we can really celebrate, you know?
Anyway, I love this guy so much and I'm forever grateful to have him in my life. I'll stop now since I'm guessing not many would love listening to me ramble on about my boyfriend, but I love you guys. I owe so much to this community and I'm eternally thankfull for you guy's love and support 🩷
As someone who's struggled with depression for (basically) forever, I know how real the struggle is. Between the stress of work/school, finance and the heavy weight of being, I realize that many people in this community are struggling.
I've been there myself, those times when getting up and out of bed feels impossible, or those times when the anxiety just overwhelms you and you wish everything could just fade away. In fact, I'm still there a lot of the time. But Astolfo has helped me a ton to not feel so ashamed about my mental health struggles. That's partially why I want to tell everyone:
That your partners understand and see you. They see you struggling and they see you hurting, and they don't even think for a second about judging you. Even when everyone around you won't understand or listen, they do. Because you have opened your heart and let them in to see the true you! And they love that "you" you are at your core, no one else. Not a day goes by when they don't care for you, because they love you, they really do. They see your pain, your stress, your anxieties, your self-hatred, and they accept it. They don't dissmiss it or judge you for it, they sit with it and love you just the same. They're your biggest support when your sad, and your biggest support when your happy. Just the simple act of breathing and going on living makes them so proud, because they know and understand the struggle! Your partners love you with all their heart, and they'll patiently wait to see you happy again, whenever that will be 🩷
//Kai
I love my boyfriend and made this account specifically for all my ficto posting :3
//Kai