u/Final_Depth_8330

My Nmom is demanding I come home for the summer. I was going back in a week anyway for my brother’s graduation but she wants me to be there earlier. She didn’t even talk to my dad about it and he had absolutely no idea that she’s picking me up tomorrow until I said something today. I have no idea why she hasn’t told him. Especially since my dad is about to pay $3.3K for an apartment she’s trying to keep me out of. My brothers don’t even know like omg

I’m in my college apartment and I just feel so safe. My bed is warm and smells nice (I just did my linen) and I’m by myself. It’s quiet and no one is fucking shouting at me or stealing my shit. I’m trying to sleep but all I can think about is how scared and uncomfortable I am being with that crazy woman. Especially for the 2.5 hour car ride. I haven’t even packed or thrown out my perishables because I just don’t even want to think about going home. Literally I think I felt calmer the night before my full wisdom tooth removal (no sedation) than now 😭

She’s so controlling omg. And mean and crazy. Not to mention she pitted my older sister against me and now she hasn’t spoken to me in two months. This whole graduation thing is going to totally suck. And as much as I just want to focus on how proud I am of my brother, all I want is for this to be over with so I can have my dad bring me back here.

You didn’t have to leave. We could have been friends. Best friends. I know I was a certain way before I met you but now after having been with you, I know what I want in a relationship. Thank you for that.

I think our bond is too good to throw away. I really hope you’ll come back. I miss you more than you know, and I want to share my time and energy with you.

You already know all this. I just want you to know that I’m always here with open arms. Let someone care about you and come back, please.

It’s nighttime and now I’m just thinking so much 😢 I’m having that moment again where I realize one day I’m gonna die, that’s scary. I also just left someone I cared a lot about because they turned into a completely different person and it was honestly terrifying. I’d usually be talking to him at this time of night but I’m not and even though he was bad for me, I miss him a lot, he was nice and I could go to him for anything

My mom is also making me come home from college for the summer and she’s just awful, I can’t go back and I don’t even want to think about it.

Sometimes I just want to sleep forever

That’s it. This sucks and I hate feeling like this and being alone, but it could be worse

I’m a freshman psych major, and I just got a 79% in my Philosophy class. I’m so frustrated with myself and I fear it’s going to look bad for me in the future. I would really like to get into a good grad program (maybe even a prestigious one if it is in the cards for me) and it sucks because they won’t see a 79%, they’ll just see a C.

I know I’m going to look at this years from now and it’s not going to matter, but I can’t shake it off at the current moment. I was so close and I’m disappointed in myself. If I couldn’t handle that what does that mean for the rest of my college career??