Help
so basically I used to be very Christian for a very long time and my family is religious as well all of my friends are religious. about 9 months ago I kind of stopped believing in it after a fallout with almost all of my religious friends and these friends that claim they are Christian did a lot of really awful things to me along with that I had a very bad injury because a guy on my cross country team broke my ankle on purpose and throughout all of that my Christian told me it was my fault and that it was all apart of gods plan and I was told so many times throughout my injury recovery that I didn’t pray enough and it wasn’t his fault it happened and that it was just gods plan and Im a terrible person for not forgiving him. and all of that really tainted my view on christianity so much that I can’t even hear the word Jesus without wanting to throw up and stepping into church and thinking about god has me so anxious and angry and sick that its unbearable at times. ive had anxiety attacks due to all of this. but I don’t feel like I went through a bad enough experience for it to qualify as religious trauma. so if someone can help me figure out whats going on it would be nice :)