u/Fit_Demand7740

crack fic where “the winners lounge” from death battle is a thing, the people he brings are;

kratos

spawn

shigaraki (they cool now, got their shit sorted)

the doom slayer

Simon the digger

himself

the hulk/Bruce banner

maka albarn and soul evens

buffy the vampire slayer

clive rosfeild

and yugi moto/yami yugi(atem)

safe to say that afo is fucked

Guns, oh my god so many guns. at least 3 pistols, 4 rifles, and 5 shotguns. and what looks like 2 glocks held together by a red dot scope with a label that say “the glockinator”. this is obviously pretty concerning from the resident cinnamon roll so they ask him about it. his response; “gifts from my dad, can only go to America once every 4 years to see him so I keep them as a reminder.”

”why can your dad not be here exactly?”

”threat of execution, killed a couple villains when I was 4 and they’ve wanted him dead since.”

”so who is your dad then?”

”frank castle, why?”

Izuku, in the kitchen: “yo kacchan.”

“what is it Deku.”

“you ever just microwave…”

a comical pause ensues for around 3 seconds until the microwave just starts for some reason.

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one time Izuku spent a whole sheet of paper and 10 whole minutes before class mathematically proving that 3+2=5, jirou nearly had an aneurism

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*points to ida* “are you a serial killer?”

”what no?”

*points to momo* “are You are serial killer?”

”…no”

*inhales* *exhales*

izuku, now walking towards the kitchen to grab a knife: “guess it’s up to me then.”

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“brick” [said as he threw a brick out the window]

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*walking in on Kaminari and Minata talking about the girls* “you know if this were a dick measuring contest tsuyu could walk in here, whip out a ruler and win.” *walks out of the room like he didn’t just say that*
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“I HAVE FUCKING LEGS!” [there is no context, he just randomly blurted this out]

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*talking about something* “it’s a real metr-. at-. ci-. the Industrial Revolution and its consequence-“*goes back to talking about what he was talking about before.

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“I will bomb your fucking trailer park” [said to momo during an argument]

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“lend me some help one for all this is bank robber #3 were up against!“ [said during patrol]
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“wh-what?“ said Shoto, who clearly just told Izuku he was t going to. Izuku just walked up to him “look while Im thankfully you told me this so we can talk about this later. You picked, the single worse time to do that, we have a fight coming up, and if your only going 50%, and I’m going 100%. I’m going to beat you very easily. And let’s face it, you and your dad are doing these for one reason, spite. Your dad hates all might so much that he decided to A, get in a quirk marriage. B, try and create the perfect quirk to surpass all might. C, if I’m not wrong, ruthlessly train said son purely to surpass all might, he doesn’t get it, it ain’t about whose stronger, it’s about who’s more liked which he fails hard. And you, Shoto. you’re not using YOUR power out of spite for the old man, he doesn’t even have control over you anymore, you have time to grow out of this so use it. Anyway I gotta go, see ya soon, and don’t forget to use your fire.”

”and if I don’?”

Izuku turns, very clearly suppressing anger as he makes his next statement

“i will regard you as nothing more than endeavors ice flavored son.” he said with venom in his voice. the two stared at each other for a moment before Izuku becomes Izuku again and happily says “see you at the fight!” and walks away, leaving Shoto to just stand there.